What Would A Jehovah's Witness Reality Show Be Like?? (page 3)

1914

Swim in the baptism pool at the DC again or walk.

Mac

Jehovah's Witness Reality Show

Damn!......now there's an oxymoron for ya!!!

mac, more on than off class

Mac

Don't laugh, 1914...I'm sensitive!

mac

The first episode will depict a middle class JW family getting ready for meeting. Dad, with dark circles under his eyes from working his janitorial business 7 nights a week, bitches at mom for putting on too much makeup, Mom is bitching at their teen daughter, Kelly, for wearing her skirt too short, and their teen son, Josh, is taking a long time in the shower.

Dad is pissed at everyone for undermining his chances to advance to the position of elder, and doesn't understand why his wife hasn't started pioneering like she said she was going to last month.

On the way to the Kingdom Hall, they snap and bitch at each other. Josh doesn't see why he has to go to every single meeting and expresses his hatred of field service. Kelly jumps on Daddy's side and admonishes her brother for having a bad untheocratic attitude. Mother is checking her eyeliner in the mirror and Dad gives her a disgusted look. He also thinks she wears too much perfume. As soon as they get out of the car and start walking up to the Kingdom Hall, they suddenly become smiling happy JW's again. Only Josh has a look of annoyance, which earns him a menacing squeeze on his shoulder from Dad. Josh winces and tries to look happier.

During the opening song, Kelly looks around to the back of the Kingdom to find Robert, a young baptized brother, walking in late, hair still wet from his shower. She thinks of the sex they had earlier that day after school in Robert's mom's house. He was recently baptized to get his mom off his back. Robert wonders if anyone will be able to detect the beer he had earlier . . . or the cigarrette. He eats another mint just to make sure.

At the beginning of the Service Meeting, a letter is read on brother so-and-so saying that he has been disfellowshipped. Dad knows it was for adultery and that another letter will be read at next week's Service Meeting announcing the disfellowshipment of sister so-and-so. He wishes he had been in on the committee meeting. He is a little hurt sister so-and-so had gone for the other brother instead of him.

After the concluding song and prayer, Elder Fat-n-hairy PO approaches Josh to ask if he would like to go out in field service tomorrow. Josh declines and lies, saying he already has plans. The elder has been molesting Josh since he was 9 years old and is hoping to get another crack at the young man. He told his dad once, but his dad told him he was simpy misunderstanding the situation . . . that the elder/PO was just very affectionate, and not to be saying anything to anybody about it. Josh hates his father.

Stay tuned for Episode II.

new light

Well done, Corvin.

Although not as "relationshippy", I'd like to watch a Russian congregation try to fulfill their obligation to the Society while under ban. Everyone has to make an honest 75 a month, a la pioneering, and if they don't make their time they are voted off. The last person stannding wins a miniature paradise in a free country, 200 acres or so, with the best health plan money can buy. It's not eternal life but, hey, its better than nothing, which is what they would have gotten without the show.

Sirona

PurpleV

16 JWs stranded on a island, no food, except maybe a plate of blood sausages. Whoever broke down from sheer hunger first and ate them would be voted off.

ROFLMAO!

Corvin: excellent! If a TV producer read this thread he'd be down to the local kingdom hall sharpish! It'd be way better than any soap opera!

Sirona

minimus

Corvin---That was GREAT!!

Preston

I was thinking more along the lines of "The Simple Life" (how about "The Simple Eye"?) where Paris and Nicole had to go to various kingdom halls to shake things up a bit. Each episode could center on Paris and Nicole parking their huge pink trailer in front of the kingdom hall where hilarity ensues.....

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Erstwhile Devout Elder: You young girls can't park this thing here. We won't have enough parking spaces for all the friends who come here for the memorial. What's wrong with you two?

Paris: Don't worry kind sir, we'll help bring as many people here for your festivities.

EDE: Well, that's mighty nice of you girls, we'll see you at the invitation campaign this weekend.

(Paris and Nicole in the trailer making "flyers" to invite people)

Nicole: Now what do think will be the best way to invite as many people as possible to this Jehovahs Witness thingy, what do these people do anyway?

Paris: Oh these are those people that wake people up on Saturday mornings selling magazine, there's like no way in hell I'm getting out of bed to do that s**t. They are like sooooo shady. We have to think up another plan.

Nicole: Well, why dont we tell everyone here in the neighborhood that they're having like an informercial type thing...only its about Jesus?

Paris: Oh c'mon skinny butt, we'll make it so that people will actually want to come rather than thinking their going to see the passion performed live without all the actors...now that's the s**t that will put the asses in the seats!

Nicole: Well, we're going to have to make it fun so that people won't think anything godly is involved. How about calling it "Welcome to the Internationally well-re-known Jes-hus in Hizz-house celebration. Featuring Music and Festivities!"

Paris: Sure, why not (says a very super-anuated Paris Hilton)

(Paris and Nicole "distributing" flyers on a typical quiet Saturday morning in a normal suburban neighborhood, at a house)

Paris and Nicole knock on a door and a 13 year old kid opens

Nicole: Hi, I'm Nicole and this is Paris, we're just inviting our friendly neighbors to a party we're having in a few days where you guys can come over, raise your glasses, and shake your asses. BTW, it looks like you desperately need to meet some girls anyway. So, how does that sound?

The kid is unusually distacted by Paris' modest pink bra

Paris and Nicole: See you in a few days!

(At the Memorial....)

Paris and Nicole interupt the talk by serving wine and crackers and plates to all the invitees while Outkast plays from the Kingdom Hall Speakers and most of the audience gets "freaky"

Paris: Wow, looks like this is going to be the best memorial ever!

Nicole: Yep

A close-up of a very stunned elder body

bem

Corvin and Preston those were too funny...

What Would A Jehovah's Witness Reality Show Be Like??

Share this