Now That I've Joined, I wish That I Hadn't

TR

Any one here get that sinking feeling when you were an active JW? I'm not talking about the point where we developed doubts about the borg, but just the shear weight of responsibility on your shoulders to uphold "God's Kingdom" ala WTS.

The topic of doing all you can was brought up frequently. Some would try to sooth by saying "as long as you're doing your best, Jehovah will accept you." Well, umm... let's see, I have a good full time job, so that I can provide for my family, I'm raising my 3 kids, trying to keep my marriage to my "unbelieving mate" alive, doing 10 plus hours a month in service, appointed ministerial servant, give public talks, study for all meeting parts because some bozo won't show up, and for sure I'll get called on to fill in, doing congregation accounts, subbing for "book study" conductor. That's gotta be enough, right? WRONG! What about the family featured in a WT or Awake! that "moved to where the need was greater?" They moved to a squalid third world environment where the entire family including their small kids were always in danger. The story told about the brother that was doing at least as much as I was in his home town, but felt it wasn't enough. If it wasn't enough for him, it can't be enough for me! HOW IN THE HELL CAN I TOP THAT!?

Just thinking about it stressed me to the point of thinking to my self; "If I just had not known about JW's, I would still have a chance at the resurrection. If I leave now, after what I've learned, I'm toast." I couldn't have been the only one in that predicament.

TR

"I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every
form of tyranny over the mind of man." --Thomas Jefferson*

Scorpion

Hello TR,

The stress of raising my kids as JWs with an unbelieving wife at the time was hell in itself. I can relate with you man. Be glad we are out of the borg and our kids are too. At least we can raise our kids knowing what hell it is turning our lives over to a religion like the WTBTS. Hopefully they will learn from us and not make the same mistake.

TR

Hi Scorp,

Yes, I'm blessed to not be in the frame of mind I once was. My kids were young enough when I left, that they remember virtually nothing about the experience, save for boring meetings and eating lunch at breaktime at assemblies. We made it, and we're better people from the experience.

TR

"I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every
form of tyranny over the mind of man." --Thomas Jefferson*

LadyBug

TR

That is exactly how I felt. Meetings 3 nights a week, field service on the weekends, study the other nights of the week. Prepare for talks. Prepare for field service. Read your literature. Then don't do this, don't do that, don't do the other. Can't associate with worldly people, but witnesses don't want to associate. No large gatherings. Watch our speach, only talk about upbuilding things, don't tell anyone if you don't agree with the society on certain things. Then you get cretnoids who do their best to stamp you into the ground and tell you your not spiritual enough.

It didn't matter what you did, you never felt like you were acceptable to God. I always remembered that scripture "probably" you may be concealed in the day of his anger. So with all this martyrdom we still weren't guaranteed life.

Being a sister I didn't have the same the responsibilities of an MS. But yes ...I'd have to say I had that sinking feeling a lot.

I used to think what was the point. And finally realised there was none.

BEW

TR

Hi BEW,

Yes, add all you mentioned and then some! Maybe some can handle stress. I couldn't. When something bothers me, I fix it. If I can't fix it, I move on.

TR

"I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every
form of tyranny over the mind of man." --Thomas Jefferson*

Lady Lee

As an ex-elder's wife I can certainly attest to the "It's never enough Syndrome" We had to be exemplary at all times. The stress was unbelievable. It made me ill. Looking at the other elder's wives I realized they too were all ill. And with mostly stress related illnesses. Many of them were sick with odd or unheard of diseases - things I didn't even know existed - and I was a labelled a hypochondric - always had something wrong or had my nose in a mediacl book.

Most of the elders I knew too were sick and almost always with problems that were made worse by stress. As an elder's wife I knew an awful lot of people and it was the same in almost every cong I knew.

As the elder's family too there was incredible emphasis on being a good example - what we put the kids through was absurd - the expectations way too high. Their father was verbally, physically and emotionally abusive to them if they did not meet his expectations. it really was sad.

I got so depressed I thought the only way out was to die.

Since I'm still here you can see i found another option.

chipster

and, oh, the pressure that we used to put on our kids for being exemplary...especially if i was coming up for reappointent after a move..
remember one CO nixed my reappointment recommendation, because he observed that my youngest son was not particiapting in the singing of kingdom songs at meetings....where the hell is that qualification in timothy or titus????
it was all about "looking good" especially during COs visits...
well, i now have an ex-wife and a son still in, and i'm out and so is the son that wouldn't sing... he now sings in his own band, and is on his way to the top.. i love him and we are very close....love the other son, too.

closer2fine

Lady Lee -

I totally agree! As the daughter of a PO & I was a reg pioneer - I had never been as sick in my whole life. The only accepted excuse for not going above and beyond was if you were ill. A week didn't go by that I wasn't sick. In the last 10 yrs (since I've been out) I've never been so healthy - it's a miracle ---- Praise Jah! ;o) LOL

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. --Steven Wright

DannyBear

TR,

So true my man. So True. Since the majority of jwdubs were raised in the truth, many do not even know what stress they are under. It took almost 2 or 3 yrs away from it, for me to get the picture. They really have no reference point, no way to imagine any different life style. If the GB ever let up on the poor souls, declaring a time-out, maybe a month or so; no meetings, no field service, no guilt(?), Iam afraid the congregations would suffer 50% loses.

Chipster,

A perfect example of the intractability and stupid nit-picking about children, is what former DO, now GB member Ted Jar'ass did to my brother-in-law concerning his children's conduct.

They were chosen as one of those example families for interview on stage, my niece and nephew were perhaps 5yrs and 6yrs old at the time, and children often do, they observed grandma sitting in the audience and proceeded to wave at her and smile big grins, everyone in attendance was smiling about the whole thing.

Well Mr. Gestapo Jar'ass reams my sister and brother-in-law up and down after the session, then writes a letter to the service dept. about how bro. bro-in-law family is uncontrolled and suggested that he was not qualified to be an elder. Well the society (chalk one up for them) didn't take any action, but it sure displayed the attitude of the one, who now exerts tremendous influence over the GB. What a class a jerk this guy is. A real henchmen in every sense.

Danny

reagan_oconnor

Dad (recently appointed PO in their Cong) had a heart attack several months ago -- his Dr. said it was 95% stress and 5% food/diet.

An elder from a neighboring congregation happened to be in the hospital visiting another JW and stopped in. When Dad told him about the heart attack, the elder advised him to "pray" and "ease back into things."

The stress (granted, it's mostly self-imposed) is killing my father, and the only advise this "fellow elder" has is to "ease back into things?" Oh yeah, and don't forget to "pray."

Nope, never enough.

Mom's pioneer hours were "low" as a result of spending several days at the hospital with Dad, and she counted time by preaching to the nurses. Putrid.

"I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul."

Now That I've Joined, I wish That I Hadn't

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