Thought I would formally introduce myself. My name is melbatoast and Im an alcoholic...
Oops...wrong board :)
But seriously, I really like this board, so glad I found it. I am new to posting as you can tell from my newbie status, and I have been df'd for about eight years now. Ive come to the realization that JW's are verry sneaky, I just wish I had had the gumption when I was younger to expose those in my congregation...maybe like stood up for my talk and really just went on a tangent about all the lies in the organization
Well wish in one hand....
I was"raised" in the truth (tm), and both my mother and father were JW's. My older sis was disfellowshipped (im not even what sure for) , and so have I, but the youngest (my brother is 17) is handling microphones, doing sound, etc...so hes on his way to MS status. I dont bother to argue with em, because really whats the use, if they want to see the true light, they will, or they can live like ostriches for the rest of their life. Its not my place to tell them how to live.
I still believe in the bible and God, (I went through a atheist phase) and I believe that as long as Im righteous and continue showing love for my neighbor (as much as humanly possible) that there are better things waiting for me I also believe that god is a loving god, and never hateful or jealous, and I don't think he would be pissed if I didn't capitalize his name. I think if he could say just one thing to us humans it would be "Hey, why don't you just quit the fighting and give each other a hug."
I went through the bitterness and hatred of losing all my friends that I had gained, just to find out they weren't really my friends in the first place. Except for one. My best friend Emily. We were the same age, went to the same school, congo, took vacations together, rented hotel rooms together at the DC, and she was always true to me.
And here is my most mentally scarring memory: I feel like her death was my fault. We were both 19 and "a little wild" so to speak. Anyway, we had gone to this college guys house for a party and gotten drunk. We had also gotten high, and we didnt go to our home until early morning. Needless to say, both sets of parents were waiting for us. My mother screamed and cried and threw a hellacious fit so I told her what we had been doing ( Iwasn't ashamed).
My mom went directly to the elders and tried to get me committed to an asylum. Legally she couldnt coz I didnt want to be there, and there wasnt enough proof I was a "harm to myself or others". But the elders grilled me and I told em the truth. I dont lie. So guess what, long story short both me and em were disfellowshipped for unrepentant conduct. I left home. Emily stayed at her house for a while, like two or three more months, then shacked up with some loser. All the while, we lived in a very small town in West Virginia. It was hard not to go somewhere and run into a JW. Emily and I drifted, but we still kept in touch whenever I would wander back in town. I invited her to come with me, to start a new life, but all of her family was there, and there she wanted to stay. I was personally sick of living in BFE anyway, so I moved in with my sister in Indianapolis. I couldn't find her for a couple of years, and no family member of hers would even speak to me.
I found out at my fathers memorial (she didn't attend, but her sister told my mom she wanted to) that Emily was pregnant. I was worried about her, and missed her dearly. Still could not find any numbers, I searched online, I even emailed her brother pleading for him just to tell her my phone number. Of course she never called. Nine months later I get a call from my mother saying shes dead. Of an oxycontin overdose. She had been battling demons that were too big for her. I cried and cried, wondering if her parents blame me for her demise. They certainly blamed me for her disfellowshipping. I cried for the 3 month old son she had left behind and wished I could have been his godmother, so I could have taken him away from all the JW madness. I cried because I wanted to get her away and if I had, she wouldn't be gone right now.
My mom doesnt bring her up, or her family. I made the stupid mistake of taking my baby to visit her grandma on memorial week. She was enjoying my child so much, and I desperately would love to be close to my family, however, they keep a safe distance because of my status.
She wanted me to go to memorial with her. Of course, I didn't want to go. However, my curious side came out and I WENT IN PANTS!!! I went in the hall and sat in the library (of course) with my mom brother and baby. My Hannahgirl slept through the whole thing (which I would have loved to do) so she will not have any memories of the Kingdom Hell. I was good, holding it together at the place when I saw Emily's sister. I could not hold any longer and started to bawl, and of course, headed to the bathroom. I just wish she was here. She was the only true friend I ever had before and after leaving the truth(tm).
Whew!! I passed over a lot of stuff, but thats the most important story I have to share.
I miss you Em.
WELCOME 
From Bangor Maine USA aka Yankee doodle,undaunted Danny