Do All JW Children Suffer From Psychological Damage? The First Bit.. (page 2)

Jankyn

E-man,

Great topic. I've given a great deal of thought to this, having been "born into" the Troof (fourth generation).

I suspect that the alcoholism and depression that runs in my family may have predisposed my forebears to become JWs. I don't think that the Troof made them crazy; I think it made them crazier.

That said, I really believe that the constant repression, denial of normal feelings as "untheocratic," unrealistic expectations, and rigid rule-enforcing led to a whole boatload of psychic damage (I use the term "psychic" to mean a combination of mental, emotional and spiritual--has nothing to do with Miss Cleo!).

I left at 18--as soon as I legally could get out from under my parents' thumb--and have spent the last two decades attempting to "undo" the damage. I get very frustrated with people who think I should just "get over it." After all, they've got supportive families, don't they? Families that might even talk to them without telling them they deserve to die for rejecting Jehovah.

Yeah, there's damage, including an on-going sense of unworthiness (no matter how much I succeed, it's never enough, because it's not Theocratic success). I keep plugging away, though.

Jankyn, survivor class

bull01lay

Keep it coming Eman - very articulate and an interesting read.

Cheers,

Bull!

seeitallclearlynow

Englishman, your story is very touching and I really look forward to the next part. I have to know what, so happily, brought about such a big change in you!

MegaDude

Mike,

I went through just about everything you described in your post. It was a miserable, dreadful existence. I never could see applying myself in school when I was told regularly I would NEVER FINISH school, so my grades suffered and I lacked motivation to do well. I finally figured out by my last two years of high school I was actually going to graduate and the Big A was not going to happen and I needed to prepare for a career.

Sleep was never restful as a kid: filled with death dreams of Jehovah seeking to slaughter me for some minute sin while I ran from his dodging thunderbolts, or being left unprotected to be tortured by sadistic demonic beings. I remember having insomnia when I was in the 4th grade from such mental preoccupations. I would sit in the hallway in the middle of the night where the light was left on. It affected my brother more severely driving him to alcoholism by 17.

Socially our mother kept a very tight control on us. We were not allowed friends unless they were JW kids. Problem was, no JW kids lived around us most of the places we lived when we were young. If we did form a friendship at school, my mother (following the letter of the Watchtower law) made us preach to them and their families. We felt compelled to. The End was so close and "don't you want your friend to survive Armageddon?" You can imagine how well that went over. It was easier not to have friends than be forced to preach to them.

There was no fun to be had growing up that the Watchtower didn't seem to lay some element of guilt on: TV, movies, playing sports, having friends at school, recreation. Everything is, of course, designed to shape your mind to submitting to being a religious "salesman" for the corporation, and to think of yourself as shit if you think of wanting something else in your life.

I only began to find relief from the various guilts installed by the Watchtower when I fully submitted to them as a young adult and, weirdly enough, began to thrive. But by fully committing I began my slow journey out.

My mother was and is a super JW who lives by the very goddamned letter of the Watchtower. She was severely emotionally abused by her caretaker who threatened her ...not with Armageddon but with eternal torture in an everlasting burning hellfire. When the JWs knocked on her door and told her there was no hell, she literally felt rescued and undying gratitude.

qwerty

knocked on more doors, cut right back on masturbating

Should have been the other way around. Either that or Masturbating and knocking on doors!

Sorry this is a serious thread.

Qwerty

qwerty

Meeezz a thread killer.

Sorry Mike.

Q

Edited to say.............

4jwy >fu....eeeewww thanks.

4JWY

I am trying to figure out just how damaged my kids are -

at 18 and 20 having been raised JW but not in the fanatic sense and thankfully, never baptized.

They seem to be doing great, working, school, many friends and a girlfriend - full on into hobbies/athletics - they were so happy to leave, 2 years now, and we did as a family - but, I see many say how they were affected for decades by the upbringing and I know it is so.

Am I naive to think they will get it out of their system (sorry, don't mean to use the "get over it" thought) easier than me, since they only lived half the length of time as I did in the cult? Discussions with them at this time have them telling me that I will never be able to think like a "normal" worldly mom after more than 40 years of mind control.

SAHS

I confessed to everything and even exaggerated my wrongdoings so that if I had left anything out I would have some credits in my personal Armageddon bank to draw upon.

I, on the other hand, bottled everything up inside because I was too afraid and embarrassed to divulge the ?real deal? with my feelings, desires, and ?secret sins.? Sure, I thought about confessing to the elders about my ?unnatural fantasies,? but I never did because my dad is an elder, and I didn?t want to bring embarrassment and shame on my family or myself.

I know all about the guilt, fear, anxiety, and sadness which comes with being in such a situation, especially as a youngster going through puberty . . . the nightmares, the depression, the drinking to ?escape,? and then later on, frustration, anger, and resentment after perceiving my father?s misrepresentation of God. (He used to scare me about being condemned for sins.) Then, of course, all the more anger and resentment after learning the truth about ?the troof.?

I like Danny Hazzard?s expression, ?soul raped.? It seems to hit the nail right on the head!

Add to that the experience of so many other JWs of seeing their mother constantly put down and told to ?know her place,? as per the WT?s ?proper view of headship,? and seeing your ever popular elder father have fits of temper (complete with the fancy swearing and intimidation), and it?s not too hard for anyone to understand the underlying anger and bitterness of so many folks that walk through these electronic doors.

So, ?Do All JW Children Suffer From Psychological Damage?? Well, do all heavy smokers and gluttonous eaters suffer from health damage? The answer is, To what degree?

?SAHS

Englishman

So, ?Do All JW Children Suffer From Psychological Damage?? Well, do all heavy smokers and gluttonous eaters suffer from health damage? The answer is, To what degree?

It occurs to me that many a child's personality is actually overlaid by dubbism, rather than being mixed in with it.

I'd always been (and still am) of an ebulliant nature. However, that ebulliance was cloaked over most of the time whilst I was in the JW's, with the result that I had a sensation of bveing trapped in something much of the time.

Not good.

Englishman.

little witch

Eman,

Thankyou so much for "exposing yourself"

(Joking where I should not).....But really, it is unusual for you to talk about these deep seated feelings of your youth. I appreciate your honesty, and feel that it will help many to connect with those universal feelings that many of us endured.

You have hit on something important here, that young minds are impressionable and what is believed by a child can and usually will be, retained in some way into adulthood. Things that are so drilled into the minds of children will be a source of anxiety later in life, especially if the connection is not made as to the basis of the adults fears.

Anyways, thanks for sharing this insight with me.

LW

Do All JW Children Suffer From Psychological Damage? The First Bit..

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