Got a response from my mom...and I'm SO MAD

by Bubbamar 12 Replies latest social family

• 

  Bubbamar

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/18/75713/1.ashx (first time posting link...hope it works)

  I got a letter back from my mom. The link above is the letter I sent her. Her letter was 12 pages long and was quite disappointing. The good part is that she did respond and rather quickly.

  She went on for pages about her father abusing her when she was a young child - which we already knew about. And said she was telling me that so that I could understand how much it meant to her to have Jehovah and Jesus in her life. And how she wanted me in the NS with her so bad. That she would not do anything against Jah because she has to be there for her son (who died after birth). She told me twice not to tell her how Jah feels about her shunning me because she knows from the bible how he feels!

  She said I could write occasionally - but not to push her for more. She also had to emphasize that she tried to hold me back from getting baptized at 13 - but I insisted. (Please - 13 year olds will insist on all sorts of things!)

  Basically the letter was all about her - selfish and just and swirl of JWisms. I'm just so upset because my letter was heartfelt and she couldn't just comment on me missing her or god forbid her missing me. And she really thinks she has a monopoly on god and the bible. Like I have no right to read the bible and pray and have my own feelings or opinions about it.

  I tried to prepare myself for disappointment - but its hard not to hope for more. Its disappointing to see that my mom has only gotten sicker and more entrenched in the Borg. It's so hard to believe that 1995 wasn't totally disapointing for her.

  I will write back - as soon as the anger disipates and I can be objective and loving again.

  Thanks for listening guys.
• 

  desib77

  I'm so sorry she wrote back to you like that. I know how hurtful words like that from a mother can be.

  ((((Bubbamar))))

  PM me if you feel like talking some more.
• 

  bikerchic

  (((((((Bubbamar))))))))

  I'm so sorry you are hurting. I went and read your original thread and the letter you wrote to your Mother, it was warm and heartfelt. This jumped out at me:

  Time has allowed me to heal and to grow in acceptance.

  The process of acceptance though was that I had lost both of my parents. There are so many things that I wanted to share with you and wanted you to be a part of.

  Wow, that expresses the feelings I have toward my Mom. I have no answers, just stay strong work on forgiveness, let go of the anger, live your life well. I sense you are very capable of getting beyond this, don't close the line of communication what little it is, just accept that it is what it is and be thankful for that.

  I know it hurts to need something you will never get from your Mother, but accept that she is limited if only due to the brainwashing of the B'org it's sad, I'm sad for you, sad for all of us who have to experience the lack of love from JW's.

  Hugs!

  Kate
• 

  metatron

  I can only offer my advice based on my own experience of being very hot-headed sometimes when I found out

  that the Watchtower Society is a scam.

  Don't write anymore 12 page letters. Appeal to emotion more than reason - and why not? Who really thinks

  Witnesses are taught to reason? ( not me!). Work gradually, patiently on your mother, a little at a time.

  Stay away from contentious debates about doctrine, etc. Appeal to love and goodness in contrast to the cold-

  hearted world of Witnesses.

  metatron
• 

  Sassy

  they are so blinded.. they think if they stay faithful to the WTS, they will get us back in.....

  my mom told me she would die for the WTS.. so I found out right away when I left, where I stood..
• 

  willyloman

  I second what metatron said above. JWs are not only NOT taught to reason, they are trained NOT to reason. I know this from personal experience, unfortunately.
• 

  Gretchen956

  (((((((((Bubba)))))))))))) I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's letter. I agree that its best to keep out of all the debate and discussions, they don't seem to work. I found with my son what worked was just a little note to tell him I was thinking about him and loved him and maybe some little excerpt from my life. Didn't try to explain, complain, or examine, just said a few lines and only a few times a year. He called me about 18 months into his shunning of me and wanted back into my life. Now your mom is a bit different, her emotions are nullifed by her dogma, she was taught early on not to trust her heart. She's as afraid of it as she is of a demon. So it may take longer. But you never know, hope and love prevail many times.

  Good luck and blessings!

  Sherry
• 

  little witch

  (((Bubbamar)))

  Sounds like your Mother is "blinded by the light" doesnt it? I am very sorry that you are having to go through these flaming hoops just to have some sort of relationship with your own mom....

  You mentioned that you got some comfort from her quick response, and that may be a good sign. Perhaps in her self-imposed exile she will have had time to think and make sense of her own life....One can hope (and my best wishes for you and your mother).

  In the meantime, as others have said, surround yourself with those who support you, and care for you. Most of us who have left the jw religion have suffered horrible family losses and consequences. Sometimes our "families" are unchangable and unbending. Sometimes we just have to say, " I tried", and go on with our lives as best we can.

  I wish you all the best dear one. From the bottom of my heart.

  Lw
• 

  Uzzah

  My father was disfellowshipped when I was 11. As an adult I shunned him as did my siblings.

  His pat answer whenever the subject of disfellowshipping came up:

  "Uzzah, the most important thing to me as your father is your happiness. That is all that matters to me. If that means you cannot have me in your life, I don't like it but if it leads to your hppiness I accept it. If it was my choice I would want to be in your life but it isn't about me. I will always be here for you whenever you want or need me but do what you have to do to be happy."

  Those words ate at me for years before I finally clued in what an amazing man he was and how stupid it was to shun him over smoking (something he had quit by the time I was 18).

  It took a lot of time and patience and heartache on his part, but we finally got back together and had some great years before he died.

  I can't guarantee it will always work but it broke me down and as a JW I was a stubborn ass at the weakest of times ... hmm still kinda am even now but that is another topic. LOL

  Hopefully with time, love and patience your family may come around.

  I wish you all the best.

  Uzzah
• 

  Bubbamar

  Thank you guys SO much for the hugs and encouraging words!! It means so much because I know you all have been through or are going through it too. Other people who don't know the frustration and pain just have no way of comprehending it. I can barely comprehend it.

  I have been praying to be able to write her back and not address the inflamatory things she said to me. I think I am just going to ignore most of everything she said and just show interest in her life and let her know I care about her. It blows my mind that she would tell me not to push for more from her. I can barely stand to interact with her because all she does is insult, judge and guilt me. Why on earth would I want more of that?!?! The ONLY reason I am pursueing anything with her is that I feel spiritually obligated. Ironic isn't it.