Ladies, don't you hate it when guys over analyze everything?

by Maverick 26 Replies latest social relationships

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  Maverick

  A by-product of being a genuis-type guy is the tendancy to read too much into every action, word or event in a relationship. I have killed more than one relationship this way. With the GF's giving me comments such as, "Why can't I have a normal boyfriend?" My life often ends up like some bizarre Woody Allen movie! Do they sell "stupid pills" I can take so I don't think so damn much and just let things go?

  I guess I have been thinking about this,(too much?) because yesterday was the 6th anniversary of the dissolution of my 15 year marrage. In ten minutes a judge erased 15 years of my life and half of everything I ever owned!

  So now my question; Ladies, has this been a problem for you, your guy reading way too much into way too little? ...or am I over-thinking again? Maverick
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  DanTheMan

  And here I always thought that guys with your *ahem* special endowments were never neurotic about women.
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  Golf

  Can you cite a few examples of 'over' anal-yzing everything?

  Guest 77
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  Robdar

  I guess I have been thinking about this,(too much?) because yesterday was the 6th anniversary of the dissolution of my 15 year marrage. In ten minutes a judge erased 15 years of my life and half of everything I ever owned!
  

  So now my question; Ladies, has this been a problem for you, your guy reading way too much into way too little? ...or am I over-thinking again?

  Mav, next week marks the 1st anniversary of the judge erasing 14 years of my life and half of everything I own. I have often said that it was as if the last 14 years never existed except for the scars in my heart. I can certainly relate to what you are going through.

  I have been accused of over analyzing--usually by men who do not analyze enough. I, too, have ended more than one relationship because of this. It always upsets the guys who say that they never saw it coming. The point is that, I told them what I was thinking but they didn't listen and analyze what I was saying enough to prevent (or embrace) our looming break up. So, they are to blame also.

  I have discovered that my analytical abilities alert me to future, possible problems. When I ignore it, I suffer so, I tend to make the break earlier now.

  No matter what you do or what you say during a break up, if you are the one calling it off, you will always be considered the "asshole". It used to bother me but now I shrug it off.
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  Terry

  Substitute the words "face reality" for the words "over analyzing" and you'll see you don't have a problem.

  Would any woman say, "I hate it when guys face reality too much"?

  NO.

  What separates human beans from jelly beans is not our color, size and taste. Intelligence has to chew on the fabric of the universe to get the flavor.

  I'll share a personal and private theory with you, if you like.

  Kids who have faced some sort of danger or crisis while growing up flip a switch in their head that makes them more alert and analytical. As a result, they are more wary. They sniff and prod and examine a little longer and better than their happy as a doorknob brethern.

  People who analyze have a better chance of determining what is true. Not always. Anybody can be fooled. But, analytical habits take you farther down life's Highway of the Actual.

  Women are often given a soap bubble thin view of a romantic life. It is an idealized view; a storybook notion that shapes their dreams. That pretending or wishful-thinking is soft and fluffy like a chubby kitten. Those self-deluding women are afraid of sharp objects such as analysis brings ever so near to popping the bubble.

  Real life can never live up to pretend life. None of us is as rich and beautiful and lucky and courageous as our dreams would grant us. However, fleeing from an eyes-open life is a headlong plunge toward the cliff's edge!

  Ladies are human and all they suffer from when they run from your "over analysis" is the loss of the artificial color that beautifies a black and white life. Some women need (other people for) SECURITY. They don't want to see YOUR doubts and weaknesses. You become their investment in security. They want the blue skies and summer grasses effluent with heady perfumes. They don't want you mumbling about the june bugs, gnats and buzzing locusts or the cost of shoe leather.

  Like it or not, men have been often saddled with leadership. Many of us are unqualified. But, leaders people crave. Leaders must be without quibble and qualm. Leaders must have proud chins and even brows and nary a faltering step.

  So what is your real problem? I'd say the women in your life who have a problem with your "over analyzing" are insecure people who are trying to put you in the center of leadership without wanting to see your (perceived) imperfections.

  Anybody who doesn't allow your weakness and your strength to live within the relationship is slow poison to your very being.
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  Gretchen956

  Now wait a cotton pickin second here. This is NOT a gender issue. This is NOT a men vs women issue. There are women who are very analytical, Robdar being one example, my partner is also that way. To suggest that all men are analytical and that all women live with a soap bubble view of romantic life is over generalizing and insulting.

  It's when neither side LISTENs to the other and communicates that there are issues/problems. If you can present your so-called over analysis and then participate in a discussion/debate of why that is or isn't the world view or truth, then there is nothing wrong with it. If you over analyze it and then take those thoughts as dogma, don't back down and won't listen to any other ideas or theories, then you just might be part of the problem.

  In our relationship Kim brings that "down to earth" piece that I sometimes lack. I appreciate that. She is not always right, and sometimes she appreciates having insight that I can provide. We talk about it in either case. It means we have something to offer each other. Very rarely she will get wound up about it, but it isn't something we don't talk through ever.

  Any good therapist will tell you, communication is the key to any good relationship.

  Sherry
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  SixofNine

  Spot on post Terry, imo. But.....

  So what is your real problem? I'd say the women in your life who have a problem with your "over analyzing" are insecure people who are trying to put you in the center of leadership without wanting to see your (perceived) imperfections

  ....oh the irony one can find in an internet discussion board! lol.

  Btw, I love this line:

  What separates human beans from jelly beans is not our color, size and taste. Intelligence has to chew on the fabric of the universe to get the flavor.

  I find myself reading your post Terry, and hoping that you are involved in the teaching field, because what a gift you would be to students. You make Jesus look like an amature in the ole "great teacher" dept.
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  Terry

  All this is said in a coming-out-of-Jehovahland context.

  Witnesses are given the 50's stereotype view of men and women.

  It shapes their world view.

  Further, the person asking the question is addressing the "Ladies" who hate it when a guy

  over analyzes. That frames the discussion which follows. It assumes a narrow view.

  In my own personal opinion; women have their collective noses rubbed in reality far more than men ever do. Being a woman carries burdens men don't realize. Women are held to a higher standard. Pressure is everywhere. Nobody pressures women as much as other women!

  But, gender based bias is ARTIFICIAL! It is an artificial construct (for people selling it) to paint women with a single color brush. The fact that so many women just bow their head and accept it is tragic.

  Women who fight against a one-view gender bubble seem to have only one path available to them and that is to UGLIFY themselves in protest. This is obscene, to me.

  "You demand I be beautiful and slim and blonde and dumb?" they seem to ask,

  "Well, instead I'll be tattooed and pierced and tough and ugly!"

  Some women (usually young) use themselves as battering rams. They plunge into self-destructive behaviors to prove they are tough and resilient and IN CONTROL. Mostly they are fighting against being FORCED to become what others declare them must become.

  Nobody can truthfully make any statement about WOMEN which ends up being true. Humans are individuals. The scale of human behavior is a vast one with a multitude of grey between the black and the white.

  But, in the context of "Ladies" who "hate it when guys over analyze everything" some things can be said which generally apply. That is the focus of my comments above.
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  SixofNine

  This is NOT a gender issue. This is NOT a men vs women issue. There are women who are very analytical, Robdar being one example, my partner is also that way. To suggest that all men are analytical and that all women live with a soap bubble view of romantic life is over generalizing and insulting.

  I couldn't agree more, btw. But that doesn't lessen the relevance of Terry's comments, since he didn't suggest "all" women do this.

  It's an interesting discussion for me, as I've come to see that of my two parents, my mother was by far the more reasoned and logical person. This flies in the face of the assumptions I (and my siblings) all grew up with, as my father's intelligence (at least percieved intelligence) was always at the forefront.
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  Gretchen956

  Thanks, Terry for explaining. All of my comments, however, weren't addressed to you, just that one.

  Sherry