All your recommendations on how to develop a social network....here

logansrun

One of the most difficult aspects of leaving the JWs is finding a new social network to replace the social network you have lost. Finding friends among the JWs is not usually a difficult task, but finding them outside the organization can be daunting, especially considering you were told not to develop a social life "in the world." Discussion boards like this are great...but not enough.

What are your suggestions, both as to what attitudinal approach to take as well as practical ways to meet people?

Bradley

Steve Egner

Hey Bradley,

It was great to meet you in Dallas. Does it seem like ages ago to you too?

Rachel and I have often joked that if we didn't have children, we wouldn't have friends. It seems that parents of pre-schoolers often mix, drawn together by a strong mutual interest, their kids. Unfortunately, it's difficult to leap right into that "parenthood" stage without having at least one close friend first...

O.K., strike that one.

Even having read many of your posts, I still don't know what your real interests are. In your position, I would search for groups pursuing activities which I found appealing, and join them. It seems there are groups for every kind of physical activity, with meetings and scheduled events.

And then there are churches. I was a member of one where I felt like I had friends all over the world. The social life was great, big parties, conventions, ski trips, inner tubing down rivers, everyone smiling and laughing... until I changed my mind.

O.K., strike that one too.

Watch out for churches...

By the way, I've met some good people here, including you Bradley. I look forward to seeing you again sometime. Any chance you'll be out here for either of the upcoming fests?

Steve

Valis

Nothing myterious about it. One of the probs w/people who lack the social maturation of thier counterparts is that it makes them also a bit self centered. I have alwyas found that in a social situation where you are not "in" ya just gotta introduce yourself and let other people talk. Kind of like working for the CIA except no one gets a file in Washington afterwards.

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

Netty

Hi Bradley,

My suggestion would be, to find a hobby, take a class. When you find something you really enjoy doing, become a regular at wherever the place is that you do what you do, whether its a sport, dancing, collecting, or knitting But a hobby, some sort of hobby, find something you think you would enjoy, a pottery class, whatever it may be. Usually these types of activities have a place where you meet once a week, and eventually after seeing the people week after week, you get to know them. But the pressure is not on to go up and strike up a conversation if you dont want to, because you are involved in the activity, whatever it may be.

Thats what I did, with my dancing, we meet at least twice a week, and that is where I find friends.

Good luck

Netty

myauntfanny

Gosh, logansrun, you have a very nice board personality, if that's your personality in life, I can't believe it would really be difficult to develop a social network. And you're a bloke, why not just go do some sports? Oh well, you probably hate sports.

The way you develop a social network is to just chat with people casually (probably best not to start with Thomas Kuhn). If there's a spark, you try to find a common interest. If you find a common interest you invite them to do something with you, preferably around that interest so you can keep talking on a shared theme. (I've made a number of friends over a shared love of Lori Anderson.)

Just remember that lots of times it doesn't work out with some particular person. Outside the Borg, people aren't required to keep seeing you (that can be a bit of a shock). But the important thing is to keep trying with new people. Eventually it does work out with one person, and then another, and then things snowball.

You probably wanted advice on how to meet people in the first place. But most people meet people all day long. The problem is connecting to them.

Sunnygal41

Brad, from my own experience of 6 years and counting, all I can say is it takes time. Of course, contrary to my "handle", I tend towards the more instrospective side of life these days. However, I do remember, when I was first out, I was soooo raw at first, I wasn't comfortable being by myself. I dated guys, I chatted online, etc. I even joined a self help group for awhile and went to meetings......met some great people who are still part of my life today. However, it is the journey, Brad, that is to be treasured. Enjoy the journey and savor the new ones coming into your life. Meanwhile, use the time to grow in your own development of a personnae outside the Borg! You are much younger than I was, so it should be a bit easier. One thing I have found with time, Brad, is that I have become much more comfortable with solitude and with being in my own skin. The friends I do have are few and I'm happy with it that way. I've found that I'm really NOT a social butterfly and I do truly enjoy having time by myself with an occasional get together with a friend for lunch or dinner. I don't know if that has to do with personality or what........but, it works for me, and I love where I am.

Ter

No Apologies

Logan,

I'm in the same boat, dude. The ol rolodex gets mighty thin when you toss out all the dubs. I really have no recommendations. In fact, its kinda depressing, if a guy like you is having trouble finding friends, what hope is there for an introvert nerd like me??

No Apologies

desib77

I had a friend give me advice on the same thing. I have moved to a new city and not being a JW and working at home make it really tough to meet people. Plus, I tend to be somewhat shy so it makes it tough. Anyway, she recommended volunteering and to me that sounds like a really good way to meet new people. Also, school and hobbies as have already been mentioned are good ways to meet people.

Desi

I sent you a PM.

Winston Smith :>D

Hey Bradley,

After meeting ya in TX, you seem like a decent guy that shouldn?t have a problem getting the social circle going. But it can be intimidating coming from dubland.

Here?s what I have done:

I?ve joined groups that I am interested in.
Talk to people in these groups and learn more about them
Become friends with them and try to do things with them outside of the typical group activities.

Right now I belong to two groups, a BMW enthusiast group and a Martial Arts [Aikido] group. I?ve made friends in both groups by doing things with these people outside of the normal group activities. Going out for drinks, seeing a concert, dinner. Eventually I find that I am being invited to a guy?s B-Day party and he?s telling me that I have grown into one of the handful of people that he considers as a good friend.

I?m looking in the future to take music lessons and join a band. That will be another good way to expand my social circle.

If I was in IL, and if I was anywhere close to Chicago I would think that there would be tons of things to do. See an outdoor concert at the new Millennium Park at the Gehry Pavilion, go to jazz clubs, Blue Man Group, take an architectural boat tour and get shat on by the DMB. A photography group would be a cool thing to do in Chicago with so many landmarks to photograph.

You gotta be a friend to gain a friend. And don?t spend too much time talking about JW crap unless they ask about it. They really can?t understand it beyond the fascination of knowing someone who was in a cult.

Best,

Paul

Terry

I've never developed a relationship/friendship with an Ex-Jw IN PERSON.

Two things (or one of) seem to happen when somebody emerges from the Tower Womb.

1.The person retains all the JW prejudices and judgemental criteria and begins to "freelance" apart from the org.

2.The person goes hog wild making up for lost time.

In reference to the above; I find almost any religious mindset completely exhausting. Listening to another person in my presence go on about what God is doing for them makes me want to grab an air-sickness bag and top it off.

The naivete' of religious views is now unbearable to witness in adults and completely sad in children.

As for category two above? Wild people and myself are poles apart. I'm sedate. I live inside my head. I plan to develp a bad habit someday that I can put on display; however, in the meantime, I'm just conservative in my actions and views.

With all that said.

I think having a social group is the most difficult thing I've ever tackled. I am fun to be around and ask interesting questions and laugh at the appropriate moments--but, I tire of almost every group I'm around; even at other people's parties.

I think social interaction is limited by my own shortcomings and personality.

Boo-hoo for me.

T.

All your recommendations on how to develop a social network....here

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