So today I have had ups and downs. I will cut and paste this from my livejournal
Today, my brother came over!!!!! OUT OF THE BLUE! It has been several months and he acted like it was last week that he talked to me. I did not press him further because I did not want to risk him not visiting again. It was great, he just came over before he had to work so it was only a short visit. He told me he is thinking about moving into an apartment with 3 other guys he either works with or goes to school with, I told him I thought that was a great idea and that it would be good for him to have some independance and perhaps have a social life. The great thing is, is these other kids are not JW's so it might give him a good perspective...it also shows that he is not judgemental which is good for me!
I also learned through my brother that my sister Johnna saw me in moms truck (when mom was taking me home from dropping my car off in Milo) that she went straight to M. M., an elder to report her!!!! Then an absolutely wonderful thing happened, M. M. told her that she was being unreasonable and unfair to me. He felt there were some sibling rivalry too from her. He told her that I am NOT an apostate and it is unfair to treat me as such since I am not baptized. Apparently, my dad feels the same way. I think that maybe things will get better from here. I am very hopeful. Anyway hearing the news about Johnna (before learning what M. M. told her) made me so sad that I called up Dad to get my feelings out. I hardly ever talked to him so I was nervous but I told him what I had heard and that I learned that Jennifer and James were saying things about me too, and how dissapointed I felt and that I have been trying so hard to understand and be respectful of their beliefs and that I was even agreeing to go to the assembly--and then to hear about what my sisters are doing. He proceded to tell me what Murray said and that they are all starting to feel a little better and perhaps things will change with how they treat me. He said that Johnna might actually say "hi" to me at the meeting. (aww gee-wiz, I get a "hi"?).
Unfortunatey, he mentioned that he will always be dissapointed in me and never believe I am a good person (oh but he still loves me) which really hurts. He said that when people ask how I am doing, he can not say I am doing good. I told him I am healthy and I am successful and getting good grades and therefore, I am doing well and he should believe that. He can't though because I am not going out in field service or meetings...that is the only way I can be doing good. I could be dying but as long as I am going to meetings I am good.
The assembly is this weekend and Mike and I are attending. If my sister says hi to me...I am still very upset but I will have to understand that she has a lot of issues to work through and she is trying very hard to get through them. I just wish they could see I am a good person and I have a lot of respect for them.
I think I will also give Johnna the letter I wrote to her but never mailed, at the assmebly.