JW Spouse problems

by marcosgarcia 58 Replies latest jw friends

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  marcosgarcia

  Take pictures of these people, and tell the cops strangers are stalking your children

  Hey that is a good one!
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  jgnat

  Some soft-sell things you can try is being the fun dad. Take the children out on little outings on meeting nights. The dollar theatre. An amusement park. Throw a frisbee in the park. Give them positive experiences by comparison.

  The same thing can work with your wife. If she comes down with a headache, reassure her she can surely miss a single meeting. And take advantage of that time to treat her a little bit. I can guarantee the Watchtower society will be laying on the guilt, thick, for missing a single meeting. Give her positive experiences by comparison.
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  marcosgarcia

  You are better than Ann Landers ! Great info ! I mean it you are sharp ! I feel like such a dodo on this site. Took me so long to figure out how to post and I was terrified to say anything in chat. I thought everyone was like joker -- a JW trying to do I'm not sure what. Just so wierd. BTW (Hey I just figured out BTW)!! Man I am getting smart, but BTW I thought your comment Of "Which one?" when someone said they shared a birthday with a famous person was hilarious. I was actually chuckling at my computer....thanks for the laugh you have a witty sense of humor.
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  marcosgarcia

  Opppps! My comment about Ann Landers was for Nathan Natas, I forgot to address you Natas, sorry I am still new.

  Also to Jgnat: YES ! I do make meeting night fun... they go places with me and we have a ball. I make a point of it and I slack up on their religious classes. It was funny one day on the way to religious study class, I asked them what kind of day they had -- mine was a bite in the butt and they said not so hot for them either. I said lets bag the class -- I need ice cream! And we did! Man did they think they feel like hotshots!
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  AlmostAtheist

  Hey Marcos,

  I would dial back the "persecution", and quick. The others are right, you don't want to let your family get knee-deep in this stuff, but you also don't want to unwittingly push them into it. Jesus said family members would turn on his followers, that they would be persecuted. By resisting your children's learning, you are providing a "fulfillment" of that prophecy.

  This isn't advice, just brain storming. What if you study *with* her? Give it an honest evaluation. Don't come off all 'look here' and 'see, this is bunk', but just ask subtle questions. Not obvious stuff like, "Where did Cain get his wife?" (married an aunt, or a sister) but more poignant things like "Why would God listen to and answer a prayer offered by ten people, but not by one person?" (Paul asked people to pray for him, was Jehovah unwilling to help him based on his own prayers? Why?)

  Studying yourself would also give you more leverage with the kids. "As the family head, the spirituality of my family is my responsibility," you could sincerely state, "I need to see for myself that this is the right religion to teach my kids before I can allow them to be taught it."

  There's not going to be any easy answers here. But it's a sure bet that if you put up a big fight, you'll just be labelled an 'opposed unbelieving husband', she'll be talked to by others sisters in the hall that have unbelieving husbands, and she'll believe she's enduring your persecution for Jesus.

  So, Everybody, What can Marcos do to help his wife see the fallacies of the org without coming off like a pawn of Satan?

  Dave
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  Nathan Natas

  AlmostAtheist is right about one thing - the JWs savor the thought that thy are being "persecuted for righteousness' sake."

  However, when your babies are being eaten by dingos, you do not offer them condiments and negotiation.

  Do not "cooperate" with these vipers.

  By the way, Jgnat's comments are right on - provide enjoyable substitute activity for your kids and your wife so that the thought of sitting for two hours listening to a sales meeting will have less appeal. It is GREAT that you are already doing this - your instincts are correct!
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  AlmostAtheist

  My comments were premature, I only read the first page of comments on this thread. (I'm new, too, and still learning how things work. Oh, and I'm stupid, too, so there's that...)

  I'm glad you're already focusing on the positive and not giving them an evil Satan to faithfully resist. It's no fun being a martyr if nobody's trying to kill you.
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  Balsam

  Marcos,

  Treat your wife wonderfully, love on her, hold her and hug her. Hug and love on your children. Continue to prevent your children from being exposed through bible studies, and you should suggest to your wife if she wants to study with the JW she will have to leave the children home and do it out of the house. She is under no circumstances to involve the children in it. By treating her lovingly you will be combatting the JW teachings that you are demonized. Encourager her to be come involved in reading the bible without literature just as others have said. What ever you do don't be angry and hateful to her you will only confirm what the JW are telling her about you. It is a divide and conquer stragedy that JW use. Talk to your children, take them to another church that has programs that involve the children in fun activities. Read, Read , Read. And you must Steven Hanssen book on the affects of cults, read that now.

  Good luck,

  Ruth
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  kls

  What Balsam say's does work some of the time but in some cases the JW takes it as you are accepting the choice they made to be a JW. I had tried this approach for many many years and found it getting me no where except walked on. I am not saying be super ass but let her know as best you can that you do not approve of what she is doing and that you and the family are being hurt by her decision . Sometimes it takes being the bad guy for them to see what they are doing.
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  marcosgarcia

  KLS: Yes, you are right in that when I was postive, she saw it as acceptance of the JW practices. My behavior was totally misinterpretated. I had to make it clear that I am not interested in their teachings, I do not support it and it is not for our children. We never chose that JW religion, we already had one and we never ever agreed on the children becomng JWs. She never discussed it becasue she knows I disagree, instead she and her family went behind my back without my consent. That is wrong. What one of the sisters told me was that as long as I was head of house the children follow my religion, but as soon as I am no longer HOH they would be there to step in. No doubt it would give them great joy trying to "save" my children. Unfortuantely that fuels the fire and drives me to go completely against the JW teachings. I go out of my way to expose the children to "worldly environments" (which to me means normal environments). I get woried when they don't want to do things.

  It's no fun being a martyr if nobody's trying to kill you.

  I really like those words and it is what I have been unknwoingly practicing. Whenever she has a meeting I take the children -- no problema I drop everything and go. This is not to support her, but to protect the children. I try so hard to be pleaseant that most often I say nothing. I think she is expecting confrontation and an argument. She wants to preach and constatly brings up religion which I remind her was not what we were discussing. I think it pisses her off that I don't engage in her dueling religion conversations.

  All of the points brought up have been insightful.