All of these things really annoy me ...
1. Lying. I hate lying more than anything, because I value honesty more than any other virtue. I especially hate it when someone lies to me poorly, because that just adds the knowledge that he/she thinks I'm not as smart as he/she is.
2. Unsolicited and/or Inapplicable Advice. I hate it when I'm describing something that's not even a problem and then someone feels compelled to give me their unwanted, nonsensical advice about it. Also, I hate it when I ask for advice and then the person gives it to me in a patronizing way.
3. Prudish and/or Sexist Moral Judgment-Passing. Don't tell me I'm not being ladylike. Don't tell me I'm not being "respectful" of myself. Don't tell me anything about how often I should have sex or should want to have it. Those are YOUR hang-ups - not mine.
4. Unsolicited Judgment-Passing on People's Sexual Attractiveness. If you are my friend, then I would love to hear your opinion on the hairstyles and clothing of the passersby. If you're a man who's not my friend, I don't want to hear whether or not you'd "do" me or any other woman, or even whether or not you find any particular woman attractive. NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR PENIS OR YOUR JERK-OFF FANTASIES. Keep them to yourself.
5. Same Thing as #4, but with Politics. Don't send me emails about your political persuasion unless you know me well enough to understand mine. Don't make political remarks in the elevator and assume that everyone there agrees with you, no matter how important you are in the corporation housing that elevator. And don't you dare prolong the seminar I have to attend for work in order to tell your stupid pro-Republican jokes. Not unless you're going to pay me overtime, you annoying son of a bitch.
6. Same Thing as #5, but with Religion. If you feel compelled to ask your god to bless me, I can't stop you from doing so, but please keep it to yourself, okay? What's the point of informing me that you've asked your god to bless me? Is it so you can rack up the church bakesale brownie points? Is it to entice me to ask my god to bless you in return? You don't even know me. What if my god is SATAN? What if my god is Hillary Duff? What if my god lives in a box that I'm hiding in my freezer? You don't know me at all, do you? That's probably not by accident. If I don't know you well enough to hang out with you on weekends, then I don't know you well enough to want to hear about your religion. There's your guideline. Now keep the sunset- and psalm-filled PowerPoints to yourself.
7. Don't Touch Me, You Bastard Strangers. Or, if you can't avoid touching me, at LEAST say "Excuse me." (Unless we're on the dance floor, I mean, and I smile at you. What? No, that wasn't a smile - that was a squint. Get the hell away from me, you pervert.) And, speaking of...
8. Telling Women to Smile. I've been trying to think of what I'm going to do the next time some man I don't know tells me to smile. Because, as we all know, it's always a man telling a woman - never any other way. In my fantasies, he says, "Smile!" and I look him right in the face and say, "Fuck you." But I think it'd be enough if I could get into the habit of saying nothing at all. No smart remark, no excuse. I just want to give these sub-socialized happy-hawkers the exact amount of attention that they deserve.
9. Telling Me What to Do. Don't tell me what to do. You don't run me. You don't own me. You're not the boss of me.
10. Soliciting Money. Don't ask me for money on the street or at the gas station. You already know this. You know I will tell you straight up, "I'm not gonna give you any money." And don't touch my car, either.
There. Now you know how to keep me from hating your guts.