i can't believe this.....

red so deep

well, looks like one of my best friends is getting DF'ed. unbelievable.

aah, to begin with, her parents split up when she was about 11 and her dad is more or less a deadbeat who wasn't really a part of her life even when she was suicidal....and her mom is rarely there for her, and sometimes gets drunk and physically abusive. her mom remarried and she lives with her and her stepdad who are never at home. well, long story short, mainly because of her loneliness she met this guy on the internet who lives in town, and even though she had no intention to do anything sexually, things went a bit too far. i can't even begin to express how guilty and sincerely repentant she is for what happened. she felt terrible about it and told her mom, who in turn, made her tell the elders.

the comittee was made up of the traditional 3 elders, only one of them is a new elder who already doesn't like her. apparently, throughout the whole meeting, they questioned her about EVERYTHING that happened, and then began to tear into her for her for her immodest and provocative dress and grooming at the kingdom hall and elsewhere. there is honestly nothing wrong with the way she dresses, it's just that she doesn't dress like the more "mature" women in the hall. (i.e fugly 80's, button up to the neck dresses) They said that her immodesty was also probably a part of why she got into trouble in the first place. so then they deliberated for and hour and a half and then passed the verdict that she would be disfellowshipped. then they asked her to excuse herself while they prayed with her parents. how unbelievable is that!

the thing is, is that she really believes that this is what jehovah wants to happen and she is determined to try to learn from the experience and get back into the organization as soon as she can. i just can't help but think that taking everything away from her at this time in her life, which is already insane enough, is going to be good for her at all. i'm just so worried and i don't know how to help her, or what i can really do in this situation. the announcement will be made this tuesday and then that's it. i can't believe this....what the hell can i do?

kls

I would like to slap that mom . A child needs to confide in their parent and when a parent turns on them there is no reason to respect that parent. How dare her not deal with her own child and turn it over the the elder morons to belittle her. She needed her mother to talk to her and console her and to answer any questions that the daughter may have ,instead she embarrasses her to tell the morons of having NORMAL feelings. You wonder why JW children and children in general commit suicide.

Winston Smith :>D

three grown men making a teenage girl reveal her sexual life to them in intimate detail..

...there's gotta be a law against that, perverts!

Well, anyway welcome to the board!

To answer your Q:

what the hell can i do?

What you are trying to accomplish?

I guess at the very least continue to be a friend to her in this tough time as best you can.

kls

I forgot to answer what you should do......Be there for here and let her know you care and that if she needs to talk that you will listen. Let her know that she is a good person no matter what .

Terry

My JW friend, Johnny, told me in no uncertain terms last week that there is absolutely no grounds for disfellowshipping anybody if they are "repentant".

That is why there is so much bullying at Judicial Committee meetings. They want to piss you off so you will talk back to them and display and unrepentant attitude.

But, the catch is this: if somebody is repentant and they are DF'd anyway; they can appeal it successfully.

Being DF'd, however, is the best thing that ever happened to the girl in question. It won't seem like it--but, in the long run it is.

Send her here and we'll all congratulate her on being paroled from the maximum security prison she's been spending most of her life inside.

bebu

Well, since you can't stop any of the events orchestrated at the KH, you can commit to letting her know that you do not believe in DFing, and your friendship decision doesn't rely upon a court of 3 men. You could also point out that Jesus never DFed anyone, and that his compassion (not a inquisition) toward prostitutes and tax collectors healed them and gave them dignity. You can be a support to her in this crisis.

And, of course, you could eventually persuade her to come visit this site...

Good luck to you and your friend!!

bebu

codeblue

well....my hubby was df'd in his past life. The elders told him although he was "repentant" he needed to be disfellowshipped.

He went thru the appeal process and they were just as harsh with him as the elders that df'd him. The disfellowshipping appeal failed.

Elsewhere

The only reason a person can be DFed for is non-repentance. Since she was truly repentant it means that the elders went "beyond what is written" and therefore committed an act of apostasy in a spirit of pride and lacking modesty (loose conduct). Because they intend to enforce the DFing it means that they are not repentant for their acts of apostasy, pride and loose conduct and therefore should be DFed by your friend.

Until the elders come to her in a spirit of modesty and repentance, she should continue to shun the elders for their wrongdoing and flagrant disobedience to Jehover and his written word the Bible. Those men clearly are not followers of Jebus or Jehover. (Matthew 7:15-20) By their coldness and cruelty those men have demonstrated themselves to be of the Evil Slave class. (Matthew 24:48-49)

WildHorses

I'm sorry to hear about yoru friend, Red. As for how you can help her. You could mention to her since she still believes in the wt religion. That even the Bible speaks of God not putting more burden on her that she can bare and that he gives a helper. (Well it's something to that effect) Tell her that she can consider you the helper and that you will stand by her though all she is going though and that you will never shun her.

Knowing you are there for her will be a great deal of help to her i'm sure.

Shari

red so deep

i too, was shocked when i found out that she was going to be DFed. she is so sorry for what she's done, she was crying through the entire meeting. i know for a fact that if they say the she was DFed cause of unrepentance that it's bullshit. i'm really struggling to see how they can think that this is whats best....

i've been there for her as much as i can be. heh, i "snuck out" of my house last night at 2 am (the same night as the judicial meeting) to go talk to her, and we've spent hours talking about everything since it happened... i'm just really worried that after the announcement is read, my association with her will be cut off completely. not that i really care about breaking WT law; i would have no qualms about getting DFed for associating with a disfellowshipped person, it's just i think that would make her feel even MORE guilty.

Elsewhere, it's funny that you should mention jesus association with prostitutes and tax collectors, cause i actually brought that up when i was talking to her last night. i'm going to try to help her make sense of all of this, especially since i really think she's being disfellowshipped wrongfully. i don't know where all this will take me, hell, if i go to the elders and make a fuss about it who knows, i might be DFed next!

but thank all of you here very much, it really helps to talk to people who have been through this type of thing before!

i can't believe this.....

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