Secret Posters Hedging Their Bets? (page 2)

Hmmm

I think trapped is the correct word. When you're forced--starting before you're even baptized--to separate yourself from ALL non-JWs, leaving means turning your whole world upside down. Losing friends is bad enough, but to know that your family (if they're following the rules) will also treat you as a non-entity is all the more devastating.

I am a third-generation JW, so I've never had non-JW friends--not even acquaintances, lest they be misconstrued as friends. But the real reason I stay "under cover" is my father. He has a debilitating disease, and if I left publically, it would be much more difficult for me to assist him. This is ironic considering that his "Christian" family members aren't much help at all, but I feel it leaves me no choice. If I "outed" myself to him, I'm sure he wouldn't care, but I have a whole host of brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and a mother who would tow the company line and try to cut me off from him if I were a dreaded apostate.

I've often thought of the relief I would feel to be out in the open with my feelings; even more so to share them with my family and perhaps free them of the overriding guilt and inadequacy that is drilled into them as JWs, but it "wouldn't be prudent at this juncture."

Hedging? I think at first. I used to be an up-and-comer; a Pioneer and MS who would've probably been an elder at a young age. I don't have to describe to most of you the turmoil of growing doubts and the feelings of disloyalty they caused. I just KNEW that it was God's Organization, but I only had one small problem with the repeated failed prophecies. Yet how could I leave the organization over that issue, when they were right about so many others, like blood and 1914? I just knew that the day I said in my heart that it wasn't The Truth, Armageddon's fireballs were going to start falling from the sky.

I remember reading In Search of Christian Freedom and worrying that I was betraying my God. Actually, I think being caught by His human policemen was a worse fear. I found it at a library and contemplated stealing it so my name wouldn't be recorded as the lendee. As I read the book and the single pebble of doubt grew into an avalanche, I was still taking the book out to my car at night because it was the ultimate apostate material. I thought I was going to wake up one night to find the book floating around the room!

Since then I've kind of drifted away. I'm severely inactive, so much so that my family rarely asks me to attend the special talks or CO visits anymore. I make sure they see me in a suit during DC time, when the family gets together for dinner Sunday evening, but we always manage to miss each other at the actual convention site... strange how that works. It's been like this for about the last five years. It kind of reminds me of wearing suits as a kid. It's uncomfortable at first, but after so many years you get used to it.

After all this rambling, I'm not sure I've answered the question, but it's my first post (and my Official Public Outing, though anonymously) so be gentle.

Hmmm

Wolfy

This is a thread that hits close to home with alot of people. People want answers to those troubling questions that the society is unable to answer. Being a JW is not simply religious belief..It is a way of life. Some people are very comfortable with their way of life and would not change it.

It is scary when you have grown up as a JW and after 15,20,25 years or more you leave. It is a life changing decision that you have to make and some people because they are scared will not leave. No matter what you tell them. Others like me WANT to leave. I have very serious issues with the org. I am very IA but if I went and DA'd myself or was DF'd it would tear my family apart. That's the way it stands right now. I want to help my family understand the lies that spew forth from the GB. I am trying slowly..Bringing up certain points when things come up...Trying to get them to THINK! It is a very difficult position to be in. I feel that there are others like myself and I have met some on this forum. Here we can exhanged thoughts and to be a help to one another to find answers to our questions. Here..You will find support when you do leave the org.

Some people may be hedging their bets..It is hard to know. We don't know all the circumstances surrounding peoples situations and I will not judge people's intent. Just try to help if I can.

Regards

Wolfy

TR

Hi Hmmm, and welcome! It's a tough situation. I hope you stick around and make friends here. That'll help a lot.

TR

"I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every
form of tyranny over the mind of man." --Thomas Jefferson*

qwerty

Englishman and all,

My post to Sarah about her being new here...........

Sarah
Nice to have you aboard.
I admire your courage to suddenly stop going to meetings all at once!
I'm still going to the meetings and an a MS too. My wife is still, well I would not say 100% JW, maybe 98%. I have other family that are very zealous for the WTS, would die for it. So for now, as hard as it might be, I have to keep up my outward appearance of being a true JW.
I hope the Elders keep off your backs and not bring about a Judicial action against you both!
Tattoos ? ....Not much on the WT CDROM........Mmmmmmmm
I don't think it is a DF act.
I think that if a Brother with "privlages" had a tattoo he would have the privlages taken off him, eg; If he is a MS he would be taken off.
Mmmmmmmmmm Mmmmmmmmm! Maybe that's it!........... I am off to get a tattoo...thanks for the Idea!!!! Bye, got to go!
qwerty

I think in my case the label of being DF for Apostacy is the reason I am still keeping up the act! If you are DF for something like gambling for example, most close family JW's will still talk and won't consider you as to all ends and purposes dead to them, forever!

I know some might think I'm taking too long to make the move, I'd rather just cool off very very slowly (yes, I feel the Elders and some friends are getting worried about me, through comments asked to my wife about me not being the same).

Although I Joke about the Tattoo, it might be a good step in my slow exit. I want to be free to visit other Christian Church's, even enroll in an Alpha course.

It would be great if there was a big up"evil" in the org and another exodus like back in the mid 70's. Maybe silentlambs revelation might be the one! who knows?

In the end as one friend said, "you got to do what you got to do".

qwerty

"I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it. "
- Steven Wright

OrangeBlossom

This is a very complex question. There are some days I feel like saying to hell with everyone, then other days I talk with my family members still die-hard believers and I don't want to burst their bubble.

But you are right about the difficulty of living a lie. I've always been a very honest person so I have to walk a fine line these days.

For me the challenges of carrying on a conversation with JW's are as follows:

1) Referring to the borg as "the truth"
2) Referring to the Creator as Jehovah after researching the Divine Name
3) Pretending that I still go to meetings to my mom (actually I do go about once a month and make sure I mention it to her)

There are many more but these are the big ones.

MoeJoJoJo

I just recently reached my conclusions about this religion, but I have had doubts for years. It was when I inhereted a vast WT library with many older pubs. That was when I starting learning the truth.
My husband does not have the same mindset as me though-he argues that the JW religion is the closest to the truth. In fact, we get into a fight every time the subject is brought up. So you can see how firmly he believes. He tells me maybe I shouldn't read those older books - that there's "new light" now and they were imperfect men and still are.
It's funny-I tell him that I think that God gave me those books and he says maybe it was the devil.
I also feel guilty because he does not know anything about me and the internet. If he asked me, I would have to tell him the truth, but for now the subject has not come up. I believe that he would have the elders talk to me if he knew I visited apostate sites and I'm not prepared for that yet. He is a MS and he would feel responsible for "keeping the organization clean".
He has already told me that if I left the org. that he was going to keep taking the kids.
What is a person to do?
We both have large JW families and its hard to think about losing them all. I can't wait for the Dateline program though, I am going to make him watch it with me. I'm sure a lively discussion will follow.

"plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers." -Veronica A. Shoffstall