relationship with jw

by curious_catholic 33 Replies latest social relationships

  • NeonMadman
    NeonMadman
    Ive never been told by a JW that its wrong to marry someone from another religion.

    If you are not a JW, then you have been misinformed. JW's consider it wrong to mary someone who is not of their religion - wrong enough that such a marriage can't generally be held in the Kingdom Hall and it will likely be hard to find a JW elder to perform it. If you are a JW and saying this, then you are being disingenuous, since you know better but are trying to color the issue to make the organization look less controlling than it is.

    JW's will show you what the bible says on certain subjects and let you make up your own mind.

    Not really. JW's will show you what the Watchtower says the Bible says. For example, there is no scriptural precedent for the policies that I mentioned in the above paragraph; they are simply "traditions of men" that the Watchtower Society has implemented in order to control its people. There is a text that speaks of "marrying only in the Lord," but the Watchtower misinterprets that text to mean, "marry only in our organization." Keep reading on this board and you'll see lots of other examples of the Watchtower imposing its own interpretations on the Scriptures. Additionally, this rule isn't relevant to the current discussion in any case, since the poster who started this thread is not a JW, but a "worldly" person asking for advice about a relationship with a JW. We are simply trying to warn him what he is in for - from personal experience, in most of our cases.

    There are a lot of comments from people whom seem to be bitter, you dont want to be a bitter person because of what other people believe.

    None of us wants to be a bitter person, but Jehovah's Witnesses tend to produce bitterness in people. You try not being a bit bitter after the Watchtower has destroyed your family, as has been the case with many here. We all know from personal experience what it is like having the Watchtower Society as the main authority in your marriage, with all its man-made rules and controlling policies. We know what a battle it will be for this young Catholic man - how the primary goal of all his wife's friends and relatives will be to convert him, and how unlikely the marriage is to succeed if he refuses to become a JW. We know the fight he will have over any children they might have, if he doesn't want them to be raised as JW's. However, we ALSO know that the JW lady he is interested in is breaking the rules herself by even dating a "worldly" man - hence the speculation that she may just be looking for a way out of the organization herself. That's why several have suggested that he have a serious talk with her to find out exactly what her intentions are. If such a talk is not possible, then it would sound like there is enough of a lack of communication to doom the relationship anyway.

    The point is that many of us have been where he is now, and many of us have been a lot further down the same road. We are trying to help him avoid the same pain we have been through. Mindless followers of the Watchtower would probably call us "bitter" because of that, because they are incapable of admitting that their precious organization could possibly be the root of the problem. Keep reading this board, and you will find that the JW organization is quite capable of destroying lives in order to preserve its own image and assets. Hop on over to www.silentlambs.org and read there about how much the organization values its followers. Why should a young man who only wants a happy life and marriage have to accept that burden into his life - especially if he doesn't know up front what he is getting into? That is why we warn him.

  • little1
    little1

    CC-

    In the end you must make up your own mind, just be sure you know the facts before you jump in. There is a tendency in youth to think that everything will "just work out"-which it does, just not always in a happy way. I entered a very young marriage with that attitude, and it caused me a lot of pain. A little caution on the front side can save a lot of heartache on the back side. If she truly loves you she will hear your concerns and answer them honestly and not just with a bunch of canned JW jargon.

    It is a very serious thing to be rejected by one's whole family. Think also of your future children. True, she might get out of the religion, but she might not. I think you may err in thinking that this is just a run-of-the-mill religion----it's not. It's a whole controlling lifestyle. I was involved with a JW man, and I have no doubt that he loved me, as much as he was able, but in the end, the Watchtower won, and I was the loser.

    Consider carefully the opinions and experiences you find here. Have an open mind. I think you're doing the right thing by questioning things beforehand. Good luck to you. I wish you all the best.

    L1

  • Happy Guy :)
    Happy Guy :)

    I married into a JW family and it was a bizarre nightmare. Curious I have one thing to mention or add because all of these comments are very good. This comment is not religion specific but would cross all families. You mention that you have been dating this 22 year old woman for 2 years and she is too afraid of her parents to introduce you to them? That should tell you everything you need to know about what to expect in your marriage. I am surprised you would want to enter into a marriage like this. It sounds like you are young and hormones are involved but I think the best advise anyone could give you is to try and gain some more life experiences.

  • ESTEE
    ESTEE
    I?m willing to do whatever for the women I love...

    Noble of you, cc. I believe that you really believe this. Once the reality of marriage sets in, you will see things differently, I suspect. Too bad that a man figures he has to get married as part of the "doing whatever it takes".

    Ask her to move in with you for a couple of years to see what living like a jw woman would really be like. If she wants to be a jw, she won't move in. If she loves you, and is willing to leave the jws, she might move in with you. I think a trial period of living together makes sense.

    It's true, you know, about a jw being already married to the religion. And you being waaaaay down their list of priorities.

    u say time heals and yes I believe that but wont it be much better if we just united and be 1...

    Things get worse after marriage, cc. Time heals nothing if you are living in jw cult abuse, which I guarantee you will be enduring, if you marry a jw girl.

    all religions known now all relate to each other some how... and yess we all have the same god,

    You and I know we worship the same god, however jws figure they worship Jehovah, and everyone else -- yes, everyone else -- worships Satan. Why isn't this gal being honest with you about this? Better have a long talk and find out what is at the root of her religious dishonesty.

    Too bad you are emotionally attached to this gal, or I would recommend that you run like hell to another city.

    Love,

    ESTEE

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