With trembling hands I begin to type this hoping that I don't somehow find myself in the line of fire..... so ironic.... I stopped attending meetings months ago because I could see that there was a steady undercurrent of veiled character-assasination flowing at virtually any function attended by JW's. It was fairly obvious to anyone not wearing an aluminum foil hat that there is a phenomenal dearth of self-esteem among many individuals in the "truth". Finding faults in others in one way certain people cope with feelings of shame and inadequacy. (I know: I am not talking major news flash here.)
The "spiritual food" upon which we were supposed to sustain ourselves was dehumanizing, IMO. There is no room for individuality, creative expression, deviation from the norm (definition of which is determined by elusive things like appearances, how big the bow was that you managed to wrap around the "comments" made at meetings, behavior which was blatant "evident demonstration" of unfailing, unmitigated devotion to "Mother", revealing round the clock research conducted after arising at 5 am to do "street work" (a.k.a. accosting people in parking lots) before your five studies with chinese people (the language you studied in your spare time; preferably attending the chinese-language meetings in addition to your regularly scheduled programs); then, after homeschooling your kids and re-papering the vestibule of the Kingdom Hall, you were all studied and ready for that evening's meeting, which was conducted in part by your son-in-law, a visiting brother from bethel, who just got back from an emergency quick-build in Sudan.)
{Yes, I can run on at the keyboard. I never did any of the above. Well, my comments were pretty insightful most of the time.}
I've skipped over the post subjects that seem to indicate in-fighting. But it is getting a little scarey - spilling into just about every post.
I have been fascinated and have learned a great deal in the past month, following this board. Great thinkers, great passion, tremendous compassion, exposure to information I'd never dreamed of having access to before.... I'd hate to see the dynamics of this board annhiliated by stupid kaka like short courses in the etiolology of "cunt" and "dick". Oh, and "asshole".
I am here because I feared I had character flaws and shortcomings and personality weaknesses such that I couldn't "hack it" within the Borg. Here, I find fellow humans who have articulated my doubts and fears and help me feel normal (whatever the fuck that means). I have read beautifully researched documents verifying the corruption I felt but could not possibly have the opportunity to prove to myself. (Maximus rocks.) I feel such gratitude to those who spend the time to post these things, as well as the outpouring of feelings and experiences and outrage. The efforts of those (Jang, Francoise, Metatron, et al) to expose the disgusting coverup of child abuse and alleviate the after-affects of survivors are impossible to praise highly enough.
My heart sinks reading Farkle's sentiments... and many lurk here and are simply afraid to post (I realize my hands are still shaking). I'm kind of lucky, being a woman with no perceived status; I'm entirely aware of my inability to control anything outside of my immediate home environment, so I don't try, and it is incredible freedom.
Say whatever the fuck you want, you dickheads and white trash bitches, because I want to read it. I may not agree with you, but I'll never try to prevent you from existing.
Scared but addicted to risk-taking behavior,
lauralisa
From childhood's hour
I have not been as other were
I have not seen as others saw
I could not bring my passions from
a common spring (EAPoe)
