Histrionic Personality Disorder-ever met one?

The "five factor model of personality" describes me exactly. The list of Behaviors, less so; I suppose that's because I've worked hard on myself over the last eight years. I've curtailed my attention-seeking pretty drastically but I think I'll live with that impulse for the rest of my life. I do still like to be the center of attention, but as an occasional tonic now, rather than an essential daily macronutrient.

I've always prided myself on not being emotionally manipulative. I've never made a suicide gesture or threat, but have sometimes (long ago, early in my jaydub years) thought death was all I deserved.

But...

Erroneous Value-judgments

Histrionic personality disorder is a typological representation of bad character, of a vicious disposition formed by habitual passion.

This sounds positively Victorian! It reeks of the days when people were sent to jail for suicide attempts. (Sorry, just finished reading Affinity by Sarah Waters.)

The "Desires/Pleasures" list contains very little that feels damaging to me. The list of "Fears/Distresses" is much less potent than it was when I was young. I'm only still actively afraid of being abandoned (to me that means being left to die - not being dumped by a lover or having a friend drift away for a while) and being helpless.

I still believe I need to impress - this is a damn competitive world we live in - but my strategies these days are kindness and competency. I've always relied on kindness; the competency thing is a new development.

The only "erroneous belief" I still hold is the first one - "I am an interesting, exciting person" - because I've had independent confirmation from many sources, dammit. Well, OK, I "cannot tolerate boredom" either, but that's what computers and libraries and hippies are for.

The "high agreeableness" thing has got to be toned down somehow. I just need to know when and how to turn it off.

gentlyferal

gypsywildone,

GF, this can surely be changed. As anything a person can change how they behave & what they're all about if they want to.

• Helplessness and dependence on others for emotional support and decision making
• Social isolation, interpersonal detachment, and lack of support networks
• Lack of practicality
• reluctance to assert self or assume leadership roles, even when qualified
• inability to stand up to others and fight back
• not fulfilling intellectual or artistic potential; poor academic performance relative to ability
• personal and occupational aimlessness

These are the factors that are the most dangerous and most active. They drove me into the Witnesses ("joins religious cult") and keep me impoverished today.

And I don't know WHAT THE HELL TO DO!

g ently f eral