seeitallclearlynow says: Do you feel it's almost impossible not to lead this "secret life" to a certain extent in order for the human "self" to exist as a JW? Or is it only "weak" people or "morally inferior" people who do this? Especially in view of the situation that exists for JW's as you stated?
Have you ever seen grass growing up through concrete? It can split a rock so powerful is the imperative to grow and flourish. Humans too must flourish. But, sometimes a belief is sitting on top of them as heavy as a boulder. It just isn't in human nature to give up. People try supressing curiousity, rage, disappointment and volition; but, it isn't possible to do it indefinitely. All that human emotion has to go somewhere. Invariably a witness ends up living two lives; a private one and a public one (for the other JW's consumption). Some are aware they are doing it and some simply hide it from themselves.
My best friend, Johnny who is a JW in good standing is very good at the double life thing. He goes to whatever movies he likes, he visits with me (a disfellowshipped person) he doubts the governing body and he reads whatever he likes. But, at the same time he refuses to acknowledge any of this to himself. It is astonishing to watch.
Not only is the double life necessary it is inescapable. Don't let anybody fool you; the longer you are a witness the more profound is the split from your own self and the larger the safe space you build inside your head to breathe free.
The best evidence of this is what happens when a person finally leaves the organization. Their true self snaps into view so suddenly it often takes friends, family and their owns selves by surprise. The extent of the anger and the sense of loss can be staggering. All that pressure over the years must find expression.
Show me somebody who claims they didn't live this way and I'll show you somebody who isn't in touch with themselves and is still repressing memories.
