Hello to all,
As a former Jehovah's Witness I can both empathize and sympathize with you and the many others that have written here. I apologize for the long post...
A JW mother and alcoholic father raised me. The feeling of torment and abuse as a child by "not fitting in" or being allowed to associate with others not a JW did not register until later. The embarrassment of not being able to sing happy birthday, not saying the Pledge of Allegiance, dating, involvement in the community or being completely ostracized did not dissuade me from being baptized as a JW at the age of 11 years. That evening I realized that in my short life I had made the biggest mistake of my life. I can remember clearly going door to door with the Watchtower and the Awake from the age of 4. I also remember how that our neighbor had a son my age, and I, being the good JW, told him that I was going to live forever and all animals would be kind. He of course told his mother, and in turn, the “mom” said I had such an imagination. Obviously, after that the neighbor kid did not comer to play any more.
I listened and watched over time, at times watching in horror, as young people my age, were dying, because the parents had refused a blood transfusion, older JW’s dis-fellowshipped for smoking (all of their life as a JW) or the torture JW’s in other countries would go through or allow their families to go through in the name of this religion. By age twelve, I begun to question the teachings of the JW’s, not only to my self, but with the elders of the congregation, one of which was my older brother. Although I questioned many times I did not have the courage or internal strength to break free and think for my self.
Up until I was dis-fellowshipped at the age of 18 (I was a morning disc jockey and was wishing people a happy birthday and such) I was “kind of, sort of” a JW. The choice of quitting my job or being dis-fellowshipped was the easy way out, but helped me make the decision to break free.
I thought, at that young age it would be the end, however, I did not realize the extent of “mind-control” type behavior the organization and my family would use to try to get me to “come back”. All I had (have) to do is say I am sorry. How easy is that. A few years after being dis-fellowshipped the family cut off ties with me, with only moderate contact. Although hard to accept, it did make it easier for me to live my life and try to move on. This continued on and off for years (10 or so) until somehow it was decided that immediate family could have contact with me (O BOY). I, during this time had decided that many so called Christians were not Christ like, so in an effort to “open my door” I accepted them back into my life (my family). I allowed them to take part in my life, despite how they have treated me. All the time being reminded that it would be so easy to “come back” and “don’t you know it is the truth” type comments. I would just smile and say that they were welcome to their beliefs, but it was not for me. I would debate them on their belief system. However, as if “brainwashed” they were unmoving in doing what they were told by the WBTS and what they think is the truth.
About 4 years ago another change in direction from the WBTS must have changed what and how they are treat dis-fellowshipped family members. I was getting the full court press to come back, change my evil ways; I was going to die, etc. etc. However, when my mother told me that I was the reason my then 1-year-old daughter was going to die, I could no longer take any more. How dare they tell me that the God they believed was all knowing, loving and caring was going to kill my daughter in this “time of the end” because of me or at all.[>:(]
That was it. It took me 40 years to finally understand. I could not change them, I could not be associated with them and that I was the one that should have disassociated myself from the JW’s.
I could go on, but I have ranted enough. I know my little life experience compared to many, and it only sounds like whining at this point. I hope all that have been hurt by this religion can find a way to heal.
I would consider myself more of an agnostic, wandering mystic now. I have looked at all religions and try to lean from all of them. The Sufi poet, Rummi wrote the following and it is a favorite of mine:
My heart holds within every form
it contains a pasture for gazelles,
a monastery for Christian monks,
There is a temple for idol-worshippers,
a holy shrine for pilgrims;
There is the table of the Torah,
and the book of the Koran.
I follow the religion of Love
and go whichever way his camel leads me.
This is the true faith;
This is the true religion.
To find yourself, think for yourself.
Reverend Roy
"Why is it when we talk to God we're praying - but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?"
- Stop in at Reverend Roy's Voodoo Lounge where nothing is sacred: http://www.geocities.com/reverendroysvoodoolounge/
