Please help me; Do you believe in an afterlife? If so, why, if not...

by Fleur 27 Replies latest jw friends

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  Fleur

  ...how do you cope when someone dear to you dies?

  I have felt this sense of total panic over me since my Grandmother's passing earlier this week, because I don't know where she is or what is happening to her, if anything.

  Part of me clings to the JW indoctrination that she is just asleep, but I don't believe in the resurrection to life on earth anymore so that leaves me cold and empty.

  I don't know how to believe in heaven...after being taught that so few people go there, though if anyone deserved to go there it's my grandparents.

  I feel so lost and I don't know how to be in a world without her in it. She was my hero and I always felt the attachment to her that children usually do for their mother, there was a connection there.

  I've been having panic attacks over the idea of them cremating her body though I know that she's not 'there' anymore wherever she is. I didn't like the idea of her being buried either though, I don't like any of the options I just want her to come home. It doesn't help that her medical care was botched and she should not have died from this injury. I don't even know what they're going to do with her ashes I can't get relatives to return my phone calls and that has me absolutely panicked.

  So if you believe there's something after death and are willing to share what and why, I would appreciate hearing it.

  If you don't believe it, how do you get through loss? I feel somehow like I'm trying to convince myself of a fairy tale on one hand, on the other so many people believe in Heaven I have to wonder why I have such a hard time grasping the concept.

  Thanks,

  essie
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  patio34

  Dear Fleur,

  My deepest condolences. Your post brought tears to my eyes and I'm sorry that you lost your Grandmother.

  I hesitate to share what I currently think about what happens as I'm an atheist. To me, the fact that we die is as natural as anything---all life on earth dies. We didn't exist for infinity before our lives and it's no harm to us to not exist again. It's kind of a comfort to me that it'll be eternal rest.

  My best thoughts to you,

  Pat
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  Satanus

  I guess i do. I have had some indications from people that i was close to who passed on. There is a discussion board about this kind of thing @ http://www.afterlife-knowledge.com/wwwboard/wwwboard.html They discuss their experiences in contacting those who died, obe, astral stuff, etc.

  S
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  Fleur

  Thanks Pat, I am glad that you shared what you believe even though you were reluctant to at first, that is my hope to hear as many different and varied opinions on this as possible so I can take time and think them all through and finally come to a conclusion that I can really believe in, whatever that is.

  I would describe myself as an agnostic with heavy athiest leanings; I kept asking myself where God was when my grandmother was suffering so horribly for the past month, she died a torturous death and if there was a god somehow I have to believe he would have spared her that because she devoted, literally, her entire life to serving him and teaching people about the bible.

  So thank you for sharing what you believe, just hearing all views will help me immensely.

  Thank you too Satanus, I will have to check out that message board. I really appreciate people being willing to discuss their beliefs.

  I guess I should probably say just to be safe that I don't wish to have a debate thread here in any way, I am just literally begging people to tell me what they believe and why so that I can print it out, read it over and over, and decide for myself. I'm having a horrible time coping and I don't know what to do.

  love and thanks,

  essie
• 

  Double Edge

  Fleur,

  Please be at peace for your Grandmother IS in a better place and you will see her again. I grew up being taught that death is but a doorway. With the passing of my father (which for me was very difficult and emotional), I found out that the "doorway" was really true.

  The following are a few websites that relate individual stories with people who have passed on. You have to click on the overview paragraph to get the complete story.

  http://www.adcrf.org/

  http://www.near-death.com/

  http://www.nderf.org/

  One other thing to think about. A hundred years ago, most people didn't die in hospitals, but rather at home. The parlor of the home was were wakes were held and then services at the graveside. This changed sometime in the 1920's when Funeral Parlors came into vogue. When this happen, in the home, the term parlor was replaced with Living Room. Also, at that time, more hospitals were built where people passed on. The reason I bring this up is, a hundred years ago, people experienced the "passing" of a love one on a much larger scale than they do today. People then were very aware of the "other side" watching the last few moments of the loved ones. It really wasn't until the 1970's with the populatity of Dr. Moody's book that Near-Death experiences and After Death Communications began to again be talked about without people thinking that you were a little off kilter.

  Take care, I hope the links help.

  D.E.
• 

  Tashawaa

  (((Fleur))) - my condolences to you and your family. Grief is a natural part of losing a loved one, regardless of a person's belief in the afterlife.

  I'm agnostic as well. I'm torn on this as well. I see that we are apart of the natural cycle of "life and death" and feel that when we die, that we are *gone*, non-existence.

  Yet apart of me clings to hope after death. I feel this may come from our desire to *not die* - the difficulty our mind has of accepting mortality.

  Here is what I hope happens. I've read Sylvia Browne's books and have taken some of what she says as comfort (regardless of "truth"). I'd love to believe that we have chosen to come to earth, learn lessons, grow as a being, and that we "cross-over" back "home". That we can choose to stay on the other side, or come back to earth for another set of *lessons*. Obviously, I don't take what she says as the gospel truth, but its a nice thought. Plus, my bil had an experience that was extremely comforting to him with his dead brother.

  His brother died when he was a young teenager in a farm accident. My bil was around 7 yrs old and found his brother. It was extremely traumatic for him, and every year, around the time of his brother's death, he goes into a slight depression. My bil does not believe in God or the afterlife. Last year, at the anniversary of his brother's death, he had a "vision" (for lack of a better word), where his brother came to him and comforted him. Told him that he is OK and that he needed to move past his sorrow. It was extremely vivid and NOT a dream. My bil doesn't do drugs, drink or practice any meditation (he doesn't beleive in it). He hasn't had anything like it since...

  We don't believe in the supernatural.

  As you know, no one knows what happens at death. I do believe that if there is something beyond this physical life, that we are ALL accepted regardless.
• 

  Mulan

  I don't know for sure, of course, but I tend to think there is an afterlife, a spirit world of sorts.

  I talk to my grandparents, and my cousin, all the time, as if they are here with me, in the same space, but a different dimension. Does that make sense? If I say or do something that I know Sharon wouldn't like, I tell her I'm sorry if she doesn't approve. Usually just silly stuff.

  I like to watch Sylvia Browne, when she is on Montel William's show (usually on Wednesdays, but not every one of them) and I like her view of where the departed are. She has lots of books out. Maybe it would help to read one of them. One I've heard her talk about is "Life on the Other Side".

  Most of the board members will pooh pooh reading her, but I think much of what she says makes sense, although nothing can be proven. I hope you don't think I'm nuts. It's just that listening to her helped me deal with Sharon's death in a better way.

  Mitch Albom has another book out too, about people you meet in heaven. It's something like "The Five People You Meet in Heaven". I've heard him talk about it, and it sounds great, and very comforting. He's the same one who wrote "Tuesdays with Morrie". This is what I found about it online <<From the author of the New York Times bestseller Tuesdays with Morrie, a novel that explores the unexpected connections of our lives, and the idea that heaven is more than a place, it's an answer . . .>>
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  Double Edge

  I do believe that if there is somethin beyond this physical life, that we are ALL accepted regardless.

  I believe that too. No one religion can claim a monopoly on that.

  One more thing Fleur. For me, the first few months after my father's passing were the hardest. I just kept myself busy and took one day at a time. Eventually the pain lessened and my grief was replaced with very fond memories and positive thoughts. You will get there too. .
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  target

  Fleur

  My condolences. It is harder to lose someone just when you are going through this stuff about what to believe. The book that helped me the most was "Messages From The Masters" by Brian Weiss M.D. Read about it on Amazon but buy it from Walmart.com. A lot cheaper there. If you are looking for answers and not opinions, you will like it.

  As for Syliva Browne, she is interesting to watch, but I would not bet the rent on what she says. Last January, on Montel, she said the Iraq war would be over by June. Just a couple of weeks ago she said that Osama Bin Laden is dead. I have read contradictions between her books also. Maybe she just needs to retire.

  Mulan has the right idea. Talk to your grandmother as if she is there. She might be

  Target
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  Fleur

  thank you everyone, this is so helpful. I will definitely check into Albom's book I loved Tuesday's with Morrie and I wanted to read the other one then just forgot about it, thank you Mulan.

  DE, I know what you mean about the memories. My grandfather died more than 20 years ago, and so I have been through this process with him, because he was as much my 'real' father in my heart as my Grandmother was my mother. I was a child when he died so I took totally on faith that I would definitely see him again, in the resurrection. In fact, that was why I got baptized, within three months of his death because I was so desperate to be with him that I would have done anything.

  The way I eventually coped and consoled myself was by spending as much time as I could with grandma. That has been my coping mechanism for 20 years, thinking, well at least she's still here. Now I don't have that and I find I am reacting with the same emotions I had as an 11 year old when he passed only now the adult in me has lost all faith in the promises that JW's made me.

  In the past few years, I had the sense somehow that my grandfather was somewhere with the two babies I lost to miscarriage. The feeling comes and goes but mostly, in the past few years I had the sense that he was watching over me and making sure that I met my second husband, because the way that we met was truly beyond normal. I also have been amazed at how much like my grandfather my second husband is, my grandmother even commented on that many many times as has my mother.

  I don't know why it's so hard for me to place grandmother with grandfather now, though if there is an afterlife, that would be my dearest wish, because she never took off her wedding rings or stopped loving him. She longed to be reunited with him, to the point that she often told me that she didn't worry about dying at all and if she did she didn't want me to grieve (funny that I just remembered that now) she said once she was gone she'd have nothing to worry about anymore and then she'd "wake up in the morning" in the new system with her beloved husband.

  I'm trying to work all this out forgive me for going on so. I really appreciate every single post here. I am reading the ADC website now and I find that my first knee-jerk reaction was to think of Englishman's fear of demons thread because of the JW indoctrination that anyone thinking they were communicating with the dead were communicating with demons...but I am forcing myself to take a more openminded approach because I just do not know.

  Maybe none of us can know before we go. I hope that someday, somewhere no matter where, I will be reunited with them again.

  love

  essie