by Dawn 20 Replies latest jw friends
I'm not a manager, but here are my two cents...
I think you should tread carefully here. You do not necessarily understand her circumstances, nor do you probably want to. You are in a position to help, but you are also in a position to be harmed if she decides to use your "advice" (read: apostate leanings) against you. Like the others, I don't really think work is the best place to address such issues. You've received some great advice here!
Andi
If the topic comes up, I would arrange a time, off of work, and away from work. I don't think you should run into any problems there, and let her know your concerns before starting any discussion regarding WTS things. Be open and clear.
I want to share with her what I know - but I'm also not sure how to do that being that she basically works under me
Firstly, you are in a position of authority over her. Secondly, you allowed her to hug you in the office. Since you enjoy working there and have done so for 15 years, I suggest you protect that. You are opening yourself up to a workplace sexual harrassment accusation (this kind of thing happens often in todays workplace). It is not up to you to save this person, you owe her nothing but respect in the workplace. If you really think that she is looking for answers to questions then give her this url and let her take these questions to the board here or even PM you. Stop hugging her in work invironment and don't ever let that happen again unless you have made a formal announcement to your co-workers that you are dating and are boyfriend-girlfriend.
Also remember you are an apostate. Does it seem reasonable that she would gravitate to you in front of her fellow JWs and even hug you? You may not have met malicious JWs but I certainly have and you could very well be treading on thin ice. Keep your distance, keep it professional and give her the JWD url.
Edit: Woops just noticed you're female. Okay disregard the stuff on the sexual harrassment as it pertains to the hugging stuff. Based on this info I would suggest you take the religious discussions outside the office and outside of work hours. Maybe you can catch a movie with her or go out for a drink (or in her case a mocha latte).
in Transactional Analysis or TA there is something called a GAME TRIANGLE and the three parts are victim, rescuer and persecutor.
in any GAME, which means a not completely honest set of transactions between people, these three elements will eventually arise.
the key to avoiding the out come [where both victim and rescuer become persecutor of each other]. the main goal of anyone giving advice is to avoid doing something for the victim that they cannot do for themsevles.
when they come to you instead of telling them what to do or how to do it, you say:
that is an interesting problem, what do you think you can do about it?
make them do what they can do for themselves
Thanks all of you for your feedback - it really helped. I think that next time the she approaches me on this subject I will just suggest that she do some research on her own, and suggest google or the public library.
Oh - and Happy Guy - you said "You are opening yourself up to a workplace sexual harrassment accusation "...um...I'm also a gal...(a heterosexual married gal)
Ya I noticed Dawn....I was doing the edit to my post just as you were commenting.
Happy Guy said, Edit: Woops just noticed you're female. Okay disregard the stuff on the sexual harrassment as it pertains to the hugging stuff.
I would not disregard that possiblity in this day and age.
You need a third party that is impartical to be nearby anytime she comes around. Does not mean that they have to sit down with both of you. Never let the door close if it is just the two of you. Do you have a conference room with glass that anyone passing by can see in.
I would never go out alone with her. Only go in groups and make sure you leave before the group leaves.
Something does not sound right here. Why aren't the other JWs that work there preventing her from coming to you.
Given that Dawn is also female and is married a sexual harrassment suit would have a very difficult uphill battle. It happens but extremely rarely and Dawn does not seem to fit the profile given her gender and marital status.
Sexual Haressment might be hard to prove. But does Dawn want to have to fight it in the first place.
Had a friend that had to fight a discrimination charge. He was caucasian, his wife was Philippino, they had one child of their own, three adopted children: one Chinesse and the other two were Black. Sure he won, but it is was not fun.
Acceptance of this, could also be used by others to say she is showing favoritism to this young lady.
About ten years ago when I was going through a nasty divorce and dealing with family-JW issues, I discussed the situation with my manager. He was extremely helpful and first pointed me toward a company-sponsored counseling program for people with personal issues. That was extremely helpful because I was able to get the viewpoint of an objective professional counselor. Later, my manager told me that his girlfriend was an ex-JW and offered to have me and my girflriend (an ex-JW and now my wife) meet them for lunch one day. That was a great thing, and the two women became good friends.
What you do depends heavily on your company's policy and culture. You know that better than anyone else. If you find out that it's acceptable to get a bit more personally involved, like my boss did with me, but you don't feel it appropriate for you to get too involved, it might be that you could point the young JW to someone on this board. That way you stay fairly well at arm's length, but still can be more personally helpful than just pointing her to the Net.
AlanF
