Brad, I cant give a lengthy reply right now but just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts and I will be with you in spirit, all the very best.
Brummie
I go to Court tomorrow for Sole Custody..... I'm excited but scared too!!!!
by formerout 20 Replies latest social family
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Happy Guy :)
Thanks for the update Brad. I think you did well. You got the case adjourned to a much sooner date and you got an order saying the children are to remain in their current school until ordered otherwise. This is likely a major setback in your ex's plans to move them away and set up a new status quo with them rooted in a different location with new freinds. That would have likely been an impediment to your petition for a change in primary residency.
They were probably hoping to make the move to different schools and build the new status quo through delays and adjournments. Your ex's lawyer is clearly making attempts to get under your skin. He probably wants you nice and hostile when you approach the Judge. Good job on staying focused.
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Mulan
Good job. Glad you spoke up.
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bebu
Glad to read your update, Brad. You did very, very well in my book! Great handling of the lawyer, and great handling of the judge. Keep your composure, and I hope it all works best for your kids and you.
bebu
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Uzzah
Brad:
Please send me a private message as to how to contact you. I would like to help.
Uzzah -
formerout
Uzzah,
I sent you a pm. Your offer to help is appreciated.
Bebu, Mulan,
Thank you for your support. It's been a long fight and while it is long from over, the support I get from other people who understand that I am fighting for the good of my children helps me to push on even more. Thanks.
Happy Guy,
As usual you hit the nail on the head as far as what was truly accomplished. It set the waves in motion to accomplish what really needs to be accomplished: Giving the kids stability and support from all, especially their dad, who has been prevented from being the father that he wants to be to them.
Advice from Joyzabel saying to "take a deep breath and don't react" was great advice and I had it in mind as I took the emotions that were wanting to scream out and redirected them into being used at the right time and in the right way.
But first and foremost, it was the very strong belief that being fair and honest to all parties (including my ex-wife) that was the biggest motivating factor. Love does indeed conquer all.
Brad
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bebu
But first and foremost, it was the very strong belief that being fair and honest to all parties (including my ex-wife) that was the biggest motivating factor. Love does indeed conquer all.
Thanks for sharing that! I believe it is very true, too!
bebu
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formerout
For any who have paid attention..... a little update. Today I got to present my evidence to the Judge as far as the Orders my ex has broken. (By the way it was the same Judge that last week prevented her from switching the kids in the schools.)
I explained how my oldest son hasn't come for one weekend visit since the June 22nd Order was made. Approx. half the time he has been absent for me to even ask him. I am supposed to get all the kids Tues. and Wed. but she has refused to let them come both days.
I explained about how my oldest son was supposed to be weaned off of the JW religion over the next year. Due to the theory that they teach about when they are persecuted they are even more right it was supposed to happen gradually, without him knowing about it. (He's 10) The judge had a copy of the letter he gave to me on his 10th Birthday saying how he was going to go anyway even if I didn't let him but he hoped I let him go willingly (He's 10 for friggs sakes. Did I mention that?) I also mentioned that it is not my ex but her mother who has taken my children to the KH. I also said that Brandon has been living, for all intents and purposes, with her mother for about two years.
I mentioned how my ex has, since June 22nd, made the kids (the three youngest, 7,6,4) miss 27 games of soccer and hockey between the three because she either couldn't or didn't want to take them despite the Order saying that if she couldn't, I get to take them. Her reasoning, boldly asserted to me has been, "Why should I let you have extra time with them?"
She has had trouble getting the kids to school. Two years ago my oldest missed 48.5 days of school while primarily in her mother's care. An Order was put in hopefully to prevent this from happening. My oldest son had missed 9.5 days already by Nov 1st. During all this she has refused to allow me to have access to the kids at school to possibly help her in that regard. (We have Joint custody with primary residence with her, but our Board of Ed. allows the parent with primary residence to prevent the other parent from having access to the school.)
She moved to a town about 35 to 40 minutes away, despite the fact that we have lived within 2-3 minutes of her parents for twelve years. All of the kids' friends are in this one part of our city. I threw in for good measure that when she told me that she was moving and I said it wouldn't be good for the kids and it was against the Judge's Order that she said, "I don't care what the Judge says, I'm moving anyway." (More specific details were given but I have condensed it.)
The Judge turned to my ex's lawyer (I was still standing). He told the Judge that there are enough differences of opinion that this will probably have to go to trial. The Judge asked her lawyer what were evidently the Judge's biggest concerns first.
Judge - "What do you have to say regarding (oldest son) living with your client's mother?"
Lawyer - "He has never lived with her mother Your Honour."
The Judge looked back to me. I said, "If this goes to trial, Your Honour, numerous witnesses from the neighbourhood will be brought in to testify that (oldest son) has in fact been living with her mother for nearly two years." She seemed to believe me so she turned back to him.
Judge - "What about the access exchanges?"
Lawyer - "(Oldest son) has in fact gone on every access exchange with his father, but, Your Honour, the Respondent has been dragging (oldest son) to his vehicle by the back of his neck in order to get his access with him. Then usually a couple of hours later he will drop him back off at his mother's. For these reasons he has sometimes not wanted to go and has stayed at home but he has been there for every access exchange, Your Honour."
Judge - OK, I'm going to have to stop this right there. There are too many differences of opinion that are coming out that it can't possibly be dealt with today. I am going to have to stand it down to a later date." Turning to me, "But I am going to make it an early date Mr. C."
They discussed dates and she asked me if December 17th was good for me. I said it was but as I had the week before (you never know, she could be the Judge again), I wanted to refute what he said as my last statement.
I said, "Your Honour, his last statement regarding my treatment of (oldest son) is an AB-SO-LUTE LIE!!" I said it in the same volume as the rest but I definitely made it stand out.
She said, very respectfully, "Mr. C., an early date has been set so that the evidence can be presented the way it should be because as you can see we just don't have time today." She put her hands out towards the 40 or so people that had gathered in the room. When I started speaking there were about three, other than the clerks, etc. Earlier, when I was talking about my not getting to see my oldest son my emotions overcame me and I had to pause to gather myself. I tried to speak again but my voice was still cracking so she politely said take your time, Mr. C.
Overall I think she knew that he was lying but of course she has to let him spew his lies as a defense, even if the Judge, at the end makes the final determination that it is in fact all lies. Of course she can't let her true opinions out. The kids will be staying in their present school too, so that's another positive thing. I asked her if the kids could stay over at my house on Tues and Wed nights until Dec. 17th so that they didn't have to make the commute to the other city at 7:30 at night. She, once again respectfully said she couldn't because she didn't want to prjudice anybody at this point. Fair enough.
While I was waiting for the clerk to bring out the endorsement from the Judge another lawyer who had been watching the events came out and said to me, "You need to get a lawyer. There are some things you have to do but you need to get a lawyer to help you." He walked away quickly, looking back towards the courtroom seeming to see if my ex's lawyer had seen him. He hadn't.
So I am going to Legal Aid tomorow, putting a lien on the house and getting Legal Aid, which I will of course have to pay back later but I can't risk this bullshit being believed. (Long post, I know.... thanks for reading.
Brad
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Seeking Knowledge
Brad:
First of all, good for you, I can see that you care about your children and you are doing the right thing.
I, too have just come out of custody with my Ex for our son. It's still ongoing and there are still issues to be dealt with, but I agree with you going to Legal Aid. You need a lawyer. There are too many things you may not have the chance to bring up or think about in this fight. The fact she has a lawyer is already against you. It's a good thing. I did the same as you are going to do, and it's the best money I've ever spent. I'm still paying my lawyer and it's much less stressful for YOU to have someone else fight on your behalf. I'm not saying you can't do this on your own, but clearly it's going to go deeper and you will be thankful you have a professional helping you, just in case it gets worse, and it sounds like she is going to make it that way. You need to protect yourself & your children.
That being said, I wish you the best of luck. I think you are a very intelligent man, and it's true, sometimes these things get to where it's not in the kids best interests, but having someone else helping you in your fight will put their best interests into better perspective for YOU and the fight you have. She's playing a pathetic game, my ex does the same thing with me, but he's learned that all the BS that comes out of his mouth is truely against him in a court of law. Might help!
Good Luck!!
SK
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ohiocowboy
I wish you success in custody. It sounds like you are keeping your cool, even when the other lawyer and the ex are lying. I'm sure that the judge sees this, and could very well be to your benefit. Hope all goes well!!!