What would you do? Need Advice!

jwbot

My brother has *gasp* a worldy girlfriend. He has a job, they both work there, met there, and now they are in love. I think they have been together only a couple weeks. He is 20 years old. His girlfriend goes to college with me, actually and stays in the dorm.

He got into a car accident, not his fault...he wanted to tell mom and dad about his girlfriend but I advised him to wait AFTER he got his car back and fixed and paid for...otherwise they might have used that as financial control. But alas, he could not wait and he told my mother last night. My mom said (this is what my brother said she said) that dad will most definitely kick him out. He claims that they will kick him out right away. When this exact thing happened to me...they did not "kick" me out right away...but let me stay home till I found another place to stay. I am confused what the situation is, but I can definitely understand why my brother would want to leave right away...

Now, his girlfriend, who lives in the dorms, is getting kicked out. So he cant stay there...neither can she apparently. Now this is information I got from my brother and he is prone to exagerate so I can not be sure how true it all is-but I know it is at least partly true. His girlfriend who I have only met once (and seems very nice) has no place to go. Her friends all lived in dorms too I guess. Her parents (adoptive) are not nice and also live far away, to far that she would not be able to work. She is also getting a huge sum of money on Dec. 30 from the school (happens once in a while...when financial aid does their job correctly) so that they will immediately get an appartment with it and be all set...but for now...they are without homes (or will be in a week when she gets kicked out of dorms and when my brother gets kicked out of the house).

I have absolutely no problem taking my brother in for however long (he says 10 days). We have an extra room. Some issues are: Oil. But they said they will most definitely contribute money, they both have jobs, I believe them. My dog...my brother is very negative about my dog. I do not know his girlfriend...only met her once. Mike and I are very private people and just get stressed out when we feel cramped or that we can not be ourselves, this WILL be stressful. I feel that they are not doing enough to find HER a place to crash because they know they can fall back on us...like I said, I have no problem with my brother staying with us, but I just do not know about her.

Anyway, thoughts? I love my brother, I want him to be safe but sometimes, he just does not give us the whole story, he is not completely honest. Anyway, this is what is happening.

So... Finals, my sister, finals, school, money, my brother...could anything else possibly fit into my life right now???

jaredg

hey at least you don't have to worry about attending those pesky meeting or field service

but if i were in your situation i'd find out why she is getting kicked out of the dorms. i don't think it is a good idea that your bro. and his girl shack up right yet. they both need to grow a bit first. i'm sure something could be done to find her another dorm room and if your bro is in college maybe he'll wanna think about living on campus too.

jwbot

She is getting kicked out because 1) the semester is ending... and 2) she does not have enough credits to stay in the dorms, 12 is minimum, she has 3 (1 class? so weird...). I think if she had more credits, the school would let her stay in a dorm that remains open through winter break till spring started back up then she could move back into the former dorm. *sigh* I do NOT like the idea of them moving in together right away,...its what I did...and it was stressful...and a bad way to start a relationship. Sure, it worked out for Mike and I, but I am quite sure that its a rare thing. But both of them are desparate...no where to go.

JustTickledPink

I don't know what to tell you, except you need to make sure that they contribute financially, and that they aren't going to bring in anything to house that is unwanted, meaning drugs, etc, if she's only taking 1 class what is she doing with her time??

Good luck though, I sympathize with you and your brother

StinkyPantz

jwbot-

Go into it expecting them to stay more than 10 days. They might totally intend to be out sooner.. but what's that they say, "the road to Hell is paved with good intentions"?

Wild_Thing

What a tragedy! If only your parents could see how kicking him out makes things so much worse! In effect, they would be encouraging them to "shack up" and advance their relationship a lot faster than it would otherwise. They have only been dating for two weeks! If your parents were to simply respectfully disagree, there is no telling if they would even be together in another 2 weeks, or 4 weeks, etc. and your brother could still be living at home.

If I were you, I would not let the girl friend stay with you. I think they both still have a lot of growing up to do. I also do not think I would advertise to your brother too much that he may stay with you either. I know you will take him in when the time comes, but it may encourage your brother to speed things up a bit on getting himself kicked out. (It sounds like that my be what he wanted in the first place by telling your mom.)

I understand why he is so eagar to leave his JW home environment, but it sounds like he is not quite financially ready to conquer the world on his own yet. Unfortunately, it is inevitable that he will lose the support of your parents by , but somehow I think money and maturity makes it a lot easier to leave.

Good luck!

Incense_and_Peppermints

i couldn?t say no to a relative who needed help, so i would let them stay but with some very clear stipulations, specifying how long they can stay and how much money they will give you, and when (like every Friday, for example). put everything down on paper too. doing that will "officialize" everything a bit and subtly reinforce that they can't stay indefinitely and not for free. and stock up on for those moments when you need to relax ...

Valis

Hi jwbot...could she get an advance on the money she's recieving at the end of the month? Also, I know this might sound odd, but if they want to be together an emergency shelter might be the ticket for them. Also, places like Catholic charities will sometimes give a housing stipend to those in need. Juast a couple suggestions I thought might help.

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

Carmel

By all means establish the boundries early and clearly! Write them down, get lying brother to sign them. If you are uncomfortable with him, tell him to stay home and buck up.

carmel

jwbot

This is the update: My mother has called me twice looking for advice, and wanted to know how long I have known, etc. I told her that if she kicks bro out...that he and his girlfriend will be more likely to move in together. She disagrees. She did not want me to take bro in, but I told her I have to-he is my bro. I am letting them stay with us, we have the room. I have convinced him to not move in with her right away...but instead to save up movey for his OWN apartment and for her to save for her own apartment, and then develop the relationship from there, that it will be MUCH easier. Mom informs me that bro had been dating for 4 months and they wanted to get married! I had only known for the past 2 weeks...and not anythign about marriage...I told Jared to not rush! *sigh* I set the rules of the house, about the dog, about mine and Mikes space, etc. Also about contributing to OIL because thats EXPENSIVE. They will go to her parents house for xmas thank god. My brother wants to be a hero...and he is taken in by this girls helplessness and family problems. She is a sweet girl, but I am afraid that Jared is not as in love as he thinks he is...and that she is mistaking her neediness for love.

What would you do? Need Advice!

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