Worn down again....

puff candy

Hi again

I wanted to let you know that i told my Mother i had found some information on the internet regarding JW,s. I was then subjected to 2 odd hours on the phone about why Apostates are so wrong and how these people are typist's for Satan. She put her husband on the phone too who went on a lot too....basically they wore me down and i ended the weakest again! I have to somehow tell them i cant hear it anymore but i just seem to back down and then i get angry with myself for being so weak!

They got out the bible and went on to read lot,s to me. JOHN 1:9 about loving the world or the things in it and also how these people who write this would be better off having not been born! How can i not seem to stand up to this?? At one point when my Mother interupted her husband when he was talking to me...he told her to shut up! which she did until he had finished. She then made exuses for him and said we shouldnt interupt when speaking of these things.

They really do have the stamina to keep on and on......it was my bill too and that makes me more angry that i didnt have the will to cut it short. Once again. I have ordered the book "combatting mind control" and am hoping to gain insight into the way they think. I asked if she had ever thought to properly research any JW history before she went in and she said one ex-JW gave her some literature which she laughed off and seemd to think she typed it all for satan.

I got a bit upset that she evn put her husband on the phone....i had called to speak with her...not him and in any case he knew i was getting bored as he said are you still there? as i was bored of his constant harrasment....i even told my Mother you simply go on for far too long. You wear me down. If i wrote a letter to my Mum would her husband have the right to read it also?

I told them i still loved them but i have to say how i feel but it ended with her saying just come to me for the answers. Since she married she has been busier so i have seen less of her as time has passed. She denied that she is limiting contact with me. I dont go to visit much as they give me books and tracts every time but she never comes to me either. Would it be allowed for them to come on the net to see things like this website? They are really quite strict so i,m not sure if they would puposely look on here??

Thanks for reading my rambling people. I still feel guilty for writing my feelings here but why should I? I will get used to it eh?

gypsywildone

They are good & practised at what they do. Hell, they spend hours every week perfecting the art.

It will get better, you will get stronger & stand your ground.

puff candy

Thanks Gypsy...i promised myself to get stronger when i joined here. The time will come when i DO say ok, i dont want to hear anymore.

Davin

Sorry to hear about your experience. What's sad is that the chances of her becoming a little more flexible in her beliefs to accept you as a person are about as low as you deciding to become a jw. Flexibility and tolerance are two of the issues I wish the jw's would spend a little more time on, but unfortunately that's largely not the way it works. Your best bet is to still treat her with tolerance and respect, and maybe that will rub off. I know that sounds like pretty weak advice, but I don't know if there's any direct approach that will work.

I was talking to a former elder a couple years back after my grandfather had died and my latest relationship was crumbling hard. He took some time explaining what the jw's take on everything was, and I already knew the things he was going to say and I patiently listened to him, told him I respected his beliefs, but then told him that my experiences as a jw had taught me that I couldn't take only one path to spirituality anymore because I needed to understand people and not judge them to love them. He told me "It would be nice if everyone actually had the same religioin underneathe it all." and I was actually amazed. I never thought I'd hear him say anything like that.

The point is, like I was saying before, the only way to encourage tolerance and respect is to struggle your damnest to offer it. I know you've probably been doing this for a while anyway, but push yourself harder. Yourmom's choices are not in your realm of control, but the things you give her to respond to are.

Again, good luck with everything.

MungoBaobab

Maybe you should be the one to back off a bit, until you get a little stronger in your beliefs. Then, when you're more sure of yourself and can refute their arguments a little better they won't be able to "wear you down" as you put it quite so easily. Just a thought, and welcome to the board!

>>Mungo

under74

Sorry to hear this puff candy. I'm glad you ordered that book though, I think it might be very helpful for the situation your in.

Have you seen the rickross.com website? I've found it rather helpful. It isn't just focused on JWs, although it has quite a few articles about them, it has listings of 100s of cults/high control religions but it also has a resources and contact information page with a lot of helpful information on how to deal with these situations. Just a thought.

NewLight2

puff candy,

The way JW's 'wear people down' is by skipping from one subject, to subject, to subject, to subject, - I'm sure you get the picture!

Next time you talk with them, just limit your conversation to ONE topic. If they bring up another topic, just say something like this:

"I thought that we agreed to only discuss one topic at a time and I'm not through with XXXX topic yet." Then get back on the subject YOU want to talk about. Don't let them take the lead. YOU be the one to lead the discussion and let them follow you.

I know this will not be easy, but it is the only way to make them listen to YOUR viewpoint.

NewLight2

codeblue

Puff Candy:

I can "totally relate" to what you are going thru and I was a baptized jw for years!!!

The JW's that are totally happy have the answer for "everything"....(or they "think they do" because they are under "mind control".)

When I talk to family members I and don't say a lot but try to infuse a little...I come up feeling just as frustrated as you. Wishing I hadn't said a thing.....

Best advise I can give is this: do not volunteer any more of your feelings...(you don't have to) if they ask you a personal question just say: "It causes me too much pain to discuss this"....(do NOT say any more)...

Part of spiritual warfare is not saying what doesn't need to be said.................Start doing that yourself............

Protect yourself.....just reinforce your love for your MOM, that is all you need to do....

Hugs,

CodeBlue

redhotchilipepper

Stay strong girl! I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through this. We are thinking of you. (((HUGS))) RHCP. Just keep coming here and chatting to different ones. We can relate and will be there for you. You will get stronger. It's hard now, but it does get easier. I know that's how it has been for me. It is still very hard for me too. I don't see my family very much at all anymore. It breaks my heart, but it's just the way it has to be for now. I am training them now!

Been there

(((Puff)))

You will get stronger. I had the same problem years ago when I first left. My Grandmother was relentless in trying to get me to come back to Jehovah. I never left him, I left them. She would get to preaching on and on until I would say "GRAN" she knew then I had had enough and would stop.

You can't stop them from preaching to you but really you don't have to pay for the torture. HANG UP. If you don't want to be rude get something that makes a weird noise like static or buzzing, keep saying "Are you there? Are you there? I can't hear you!" Then hang up. If they call back atleast they are paying for it. You may not think it but everytime they do this you are putting a few more bricks on the wall of protection against them and their bullying.

If you write to your mom, her husband will probably read the letter. He will feel that he needs to protect her.

You will be ok, just hold on.

Worn down again....

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