The Org and my marriage

by Chloe 20 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  Chloe

  Well, it looks like the Jehovah's Witnesses are going to start intruding in my marriage again.

  A little background, when I first met my husband he was going to meetings sporadically. He has studied off and on for years but was never baptized so he's always been in the "love bombing" stage with them. He believes most of the doctrines (no Christmas although he lets me celebrate it, the Trinity is wrong, etc.) but I don't think he knows it all and is certainly not very well versed in the bible. He is also the only person in his entire family remotely connected to the JW's. His daughters are grown and want nothing to do with it.

  I went to a few meetings and started "studying" the Knowledge book until I couldn't stomach it any more. Then I found Freeminds and H2O.

  Before we married, I made sure my husband understood that I was never going to be a JW and that I strongly disagreed with them and he said he understood but I think he always secretly hoped I'd change my mind.

  He announced yesterday he wants to start back again because he knows it's the Truth and it would help him.

  My biggest dilemma is keeping my mouth shut. I know so much about the hypocrisy, flip flops, and flawed doctrine that it's very difficult not to express my feelings. Any, and I mean any, criticism of the JW's is construed on his part as a flat out attack. He is unwilling to listen to any information I have. I know I come across too firmly convicted but he won?t budge an inch.

  It?s just that I know how unbelieving spouses, especially wives, are viewed by the org so it upsets me. I also know how time consuming it will be for him. This is going to drive a huge wedge in our relationship. So much of a wedge, that combined with other factors, I don?t see much of a future for us.

  Thanks for reading. Your thoughts would be welcome. I am so grateful for this board
• 

  Will Power

  My sincere sympathies. I hurt so bad I can't comment. Unbelieving wives that are opposers whether quiet or outspoken

  are the biggest threat to the ego of a male JW and all his KH strokers.

  see, I should keep my comments to myself.

  will
• 

  JustTickledPink

  Can you maybe just view it as his extracurricular hobby? My hubby likes to play video games, I think they are beyond dumb but let him play.

  If you are silent and just loving, supportive, and a great wife he might dabble in it and then come home frustrated because his "idea" of it all isn't coming true. There are a lot of people that think if they are more loyal, more faithful, more dedicated that it will all work out, like for some reason it's THEIR fault. If he get into it and realizes it's not him, that it's them, and that his life with you is just great the way it is that might be better in the long run, rather than you trying to convince him otherwise.

  Give them a bit of rope and they will hang themselves.

  That and my other advice of more sex as a distraction on meeting nights might do the trick. You're a woman, play him!!!
• 

  Doubtfully Yours

  Prepare to be excluded... A LOT!!!

  Also, I notice, at least in the Spanish side of the JWs that sisters pay special attention to the brothers whose wife is not 'in the truth'. If that's so in the congregation he'll attend, you might even have to prepare yourself to lose him altogether. Of course, the blame will be all on you, as usual.

  DY
• 

  Chloe

  Also, I notice, at least in the Spanish side of the JWs that sisters pay special attention to the brothers whose wife is not 'in the truth'. If that's so in the congregation he'll attend, you might even have to prepare yourself to lose him altogether. Of course, the blame will be all on you, as usual.

  Doubtfully, that's EXACTLY what I'm afraid of. He already tends to blame me for anything going wrong in his life, so I know this will add fuel to the fire. I'm also aware that there are a lot more unmarried females than males in the Org. I don't think many of them can support him financially the way I do, though.
• 

  Winston Smith :>D

  Chloe,

  I feel for you. Being DA'd myself, my Regular Pioneering JW wife views me as the debil. You can't do a damn thing right, and anything that is going wrong in their life is somehow your fault.

  You mentioned that:

  He is also the only person in his entire family remotely connected to the JW's. His daughters are grown and want nothing to do with it.

  One thing I'm trying, that was succeeding for a short while anyways, was recruiting her non-JW family behind the scenes to help me to wake her up.

  Is his family willing to help you out? Do they ever have spiritual discussions with him? Now may be a good time to have his family show an interest in his renewed quest of going back to the KH. You probably will not be able to reach him because he knows you thoughts on the matter, but maybe someone in the family can pose as a "prospective JW convert" and cozy up to him? Write emails, cards, phone calls, anything?

  He announced yesterday he wants to start back again because he knows it's the Truth and it would help him.

  Help him with what?

  My biggest dilemma is keeping my mouth shut. .... He is unwilling to listen to any information I have. I know I come across too firmly convicted but he won?t budge an inch.

  You will be better off hitting your head against a brick wall. You will do less damage to your marriage hitting a brick wall rather than discussing these matters with him.

  You both now know [nice of him to switch gears like this] where each other stands, so running around in circles with it will do no one any good. God knows I initially tried to "reason" with my wife and she goes from Dr. Jeckel to Mr. Hyde in no time flat. Reasoning, logic, and viewpoint questions are not met well at all. I was told by my wife to stop asking her viewpoint questions. I was a good Regular Pioneer, so I guess the WTS trained me a little to well

  I also know how time consuming it will be for him. This is going to drive a huge wedge in our relationship. So much of a wedge, that combined with other factors, I don?t see much of a future for us.

  In the infamous words of Bill, "Baby, you ain't kidding"

  You couldn't be more right on this if you tried.

  It will be a HUGE wedge. No offense pink, but this isn't a little hobby like bowling with the boys once a week. Being a JW is a full-time obsession that takes over your mind and spirit.

  Letting your husband start the JW thing back up again and going to five meetings a week is no more dangerous that letting your husband visit a brothel 5 times a week. You will have to let a third person into your sacred marriage bond. The third cord of 'God' will be replaced by the Governing Body, and they will have their noses into every aspect of your life.

  You gotta nip this in the bud. The longer this goes on, the deeper his connection will become with the WTS and the les likely you will be able to save him.

  he knows it's the Truth and it would help him.

  Find out in the answer to this question, and let his family members work on him NOW [and you discreetly behind the scenes] and you may gain two rewards in the end:

  1. Getting your husband back
  2. Answering a spiritual question for your husband that has been haunting him for decades.

  Good luck!

  Best,

  Paul
• 

  Chloe

  He believes becoming more religious will solve all the problems in his life. A contributing factor is that he has been self-employed for the last couple of years which has been extremely stressful and time consuming without much monetary return so his self esteem is pretty low. He has a lot of people around him that are not the best influence on him and of course all Witnesses are fine upstanding human beings so they would be better to associate with.

  I have spoken with his oldest daughter about this. She is very direct with her feelings and is not afraid to express them, so I think she's just going to tell him it's a cult and that he's a hypocrit. He's really good at pointing out everyone else's faults without admitting his own.

  Thanks for listening and all your responses. I know it's like talking to a wall right now. I'm just hoping that he might see the Org for what it is once the love bombing stops and reality sets in, but I don't know if I'll still be around when and if that happens.
• 

  Winston Smith :>D

  Chloe,

  A contributing factor is that he has been self-employed for the last couple of years which has been extremely stressful and time consuming without much monetary return so his self esteem is pretty low.

  I went through that as well, it's tough. I learned the hard way that my skills in running a business are no where near my architectural skills.

  I finally went to work for an architectural firm. Now I design all day, go home at night, and forget about business all together on the weekends. Oh, and I now have a check coming in every two weeks instead of hunting down clients for past due balances.

  Maybe you can help him look through the Help Wanted ads in the paper to find a job? Use the premise that you want to spend more time with him and you want to help him free up his time by letting someone else worry about running a business.

  As far as the spiritual search goes, maybe the two of you can read the Bible together once or twice a week? Not sure what to say there?

  One thing is for sure, the WTS has enough low self-esteem, unaccomplished men on the organization already. If your man is feeling low right now, don?t let the WTS feed of off his fears and make him another JW victim. Hew likely is not such a man, otherwise you would not have married him, right? Let him know that. Build him up, not by blowing sunshine up his a$$, but by guiding him to a direction where he can succeed with the talents he does have.

  Not everyone is a businessman, so there?s no shame in not succeeding, just in giving up.
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  PinTail

  I was married for 22 years to a women who was raised a witness she was on my back all the time, I could never do enough, she pounded me with the head ship crap and how I did not meet the WT's instructions for christian husbands. The wedge you speak of was was drawn between us from the begining, and of course the elders and the WT's Idea's were even sneeking in on our sex life, there was no end to this insanity. I could write a book about the life and times of "The watch tower coyboy riding the range of spiritual insanity." Shane (Wow she looks like my ex-wife down their)
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  Quotes

  Tell him you will study with him using only Watchtower's publications, but you get to choose what publications.
  
  Then stick with:
  
  

  http://quotes.watchtower.ca/

  
  
  The other thing I find instructive: try and have him take a look at how some other cults operate; he may start to notice some parallels. My personal favorite is how Scientologists call former members "SP = Suppressive Person"... basically their version of "apostate". Check out http://www.xenutv.com/.