1) The person who designed car alarms to squeak like beached dolphins when they are locked by their owners. Too often I have meandered in a daydream through a car park entertaining myself by imagining Larry King spontaneously combusting as he licks yet another serial killers toes, and suddenly the car next to me has belched into shrieking life just long enough to stop my heart. Test your next invention on your ageing grandmother before you sell it, you pillock.
2) The individual who thinking that the world was so lacking in class, decided to make the first Reality TV show to prove that there actually exist people with absolutely no class at all. He deserves a thorough drowning for being so lacking in cranial matter that he did not recognize that most people have no class anyway and do not need his help to behave like nasal effluent. Now the US is saturated by people who belong to a club where grunting is the only acceptable means of communication.
3) People who say ?ding dong?, and ?duhhhhhh? and ?hellooooooo?, in a strained effort to make themselves appear to actually have some elevated grasp of intellectual insight not visited on their hapless victims. I honestly feel like using their heads as a gong, and their foot as the mallet. Go away.
4) The complete idiot who decided to shrink wrap CD?s so that they are virtually impossible to unwrap without two pounds of Semtex.. I have several thousand CD?s and have worked out that you owe me two hundred hours of unwrapping life.
I have just noticed a couple of men walking down my drive in white coats. My God?..it is Travis and Minimus in one coat, and the other is Tony Blair dressed like a mermaid. I must nip out and plant myself in the runner bean patch so that they do not notice me.