by bigboi 13 Replies latest jw friends
WOW thanks Danny that was sooo sweet!!! Means a lot. I've made a lot of changes in this past year, I found a post I'd made on H2O last year, and it was funny to see the difference. I could feel the andger,pain and the confusion in the post. It was a differnt' style then i have now and I'm glad I shed that!!!!
Thanks so much
Ven
"The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong, is to let him have his own way."---Josh Billings
Hi Bigboi!
I just wanted you to know that I'm right there with you! I also get frustrated in thinking that my childhood was taken away. I could relate to a lot of what you said. Individuality is supposed to bloom and blossom during your childhood, teen years and early adulthood. It is such a fragile time in life! I have had a hard time figuring out just who I am even 13 yrs after being out and trying to find uniqueness about me.
It seems as though Venice has made more progress in the past year than I have in the past 13!
This all reminds me of something that happened a couple of months ago when I filled out my profile at classmates.com. It asks which activities you were interested in while in High School. The only two things I could click on were "skipping school" and "hanging out with friends". So I clicked on these two and put in the very small space for comments that my religion restricted most school activities. Well guess what happened??? I get an email from a current JW scolding me for putting that there!! Geesh!! Will they ever go away!? LOL
At 1st I went back and deleted everything. But then I changed my mind and went back to fill out this profile thingy. Instead of leaving everything blank, in "Interests," I clicked all the ones that interested me and said in the comments, "I would have loved to try these!" When asked about my HS memories, I simply stated that if I'd had any part in my upbringing that I'm sure I'd have plenty more. What I wanted for my future? I put: "In my warped world, who knows!?" Then finally it asked what I did after and I said "Got a Life!" (although I am still working on that last bit)
I am just grateful every day that I am still no longer a jw. I take joy in knowing I'll at least get to experience some of this stuff with my kids! But, I'm still trying to figure out who I am and what my purpose is.
*It seems as though Venice has made more progress in the past year than I have in the past 13!*
Thanks, I hope I have made a lot of progress, I want to get any Borg Residue off a me!!!
I lay the credit for that at the feet of the wonderful support I recived. When we first came out last summer, we got to associate with others that had left but were coping quite well. Mulan and clan was one of them. And also of course the Support HERE, at H2O, Tishies board and I won't forget my friends on Yahoo who get to hear me vent on voice ahhahahha Sorry peeps!!! ohh and last but not least my wonderful parents
So thanks to everyone even my early, angry days at H2O!!!
Ven
"The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong, is to let him have his own way."---Josh Billings
Hey DannyBear:
Yep, celebrating holidays is lots of fun. I always have loved Christmas time I must confess. I definitely surpressed my feelings around that time of yr when I was in the borg. My fam has gettogethers at my aunt's house every yr for christmas. I used to not go at all and I think it caused a rift, but lately I've been going every yr trying to catch up. I love the old bluesy songs that my Aunt plays at her house, I think I'm going to get a Christmas album this yr, one with that has the song that starts off "Bells will be ringin'/The sad, sad news/.... That takes me back man.
Teejay:
I find you just have to do it man. I think it may be a little hard for you cause I believe your wife is still in the borg. I can relate to what you said about feeling passionate, but fortunately I feel it coming back to me. I think a part of my personality is trying to reawaken. I keep having these strange dreams where i keep looking for something and I feel like I getting closer and closer to it with every successive dream. The only thing is I never remeber the details, I just wake up with these general feelings. Coming out fom being in a cult really is a truamatic feeling. One that has bitten more deeply than a lot of ppl realize. In the circumstance all we can do is keep trying to found our own space in this world. As long as we keep carving it out, we always will have more and more of our space. Keep tryin and it only gets better my friend.
Monica:
Good for you sweetie! I think one of the most important things we can do is stop cult members define us. Just because our opinions and feelings are not theirs, doesn't make them insignificant. We are not the ones being misled, they are. We don't have to suppress our feelings! I think if you have fam then of course you should be tactful, but nonetheless don't give the the impression you are weak o misled, that's their deal.
I recall when I first left in '98, I still worked with this bro in an automotive shop. I had respect for him as a witness so I used to modify my changing behaviour around him. I wouldn't curse around him or really do anything tht I thought might be a coause for offense. I noticed though hat his behaviour was changing too. The guys atthe shop always complained about this dude and called hm a hypocrite and a liar.I would always defend him too. Lo and behold I could see it was true. Iguess he wanted to act different because i was working there with him(he had been at the job about 5yrs before I was hired). Anyway the little prick and I had falling out and he was telling ppl all kinds of shit about me. Ya know, attempting to make me look bad. So i say fuck em. Let em thnk what they wanna, but I'm gonna be myself. trust me it's no use trying to kiss somebody's ass and keep trouble down because it doesn't work. Be yourself and let em know where to get offf and they won't fuck with you is my philosophy. Use a lil tact if really needed.
"it ain't what ya do. it's how you do it" quote from the song "True Honeybunz" by Bahamadia
