Do you become empty inside after leaveing the witness's? (page 2)

jgnat

Yaaay, Blondie! And what a wonderful gem uncovered when the WTBTS lost its' hold on you! Pintail, I was about to say that leaving the WTBTS is the first step, the second is to fill your life with new things. But I see you are already doing that in varied ways with the Elks and Karaoke. I'd say you are going to do just fine.

iiz2cool

Sorry to hear about what you've gone through.

I left the org in 2003 and my wife a year ago, and am feeling empty too. We didn't have any kids, which is probably a good thing. I rarely get out of the house except to go to work or to buy food. I get some invites to go places with people, but I usually look for an excuse to get out of it. Sometimes I'll force myself to get out with people because I know my current lifestyle is unhealthy. But after 20 years of being a JW and completely friendless I'm just not used to being around people much, and find it uncomfortable.

Walter

Fleur

Hi Shane,

I'm sorry that you're feeling lost right now. Believe me, I've been there. I was lucky enough too to find love with a wonderful person after leaving the Borg and that has opened up life to me in a way that I never imagined. He's taught me so much, never having been subject to the Dub guilt and grief.

I felt empty because of losing my family. But from the moment I realized "I'm not a Jehovah's Witness anymore" my soul felt more full, and alive, and inspired than it ever did droning along with the rank and file.

I wrote this a long time ago. http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/4771/56672/post.ashx#56672 Maybe something in it will sound familiar to you, in my post or the replies. Just know that it does get SO much better in time, and to me now, I know that the emptiest life I could live would be if I ever gave in and went back. Can't do it, just can't.

Wishing you happiness...

essie

jwbot

Shane, you are on the right track with making friends elsewhere, especially in joining clubs, and singing kareyoki (sp) sounds like fun. Try to keep your mind off the bad things (easier said than done) and continue to be a good father and you are doing good. I have found that this is an awesome place for support especially when I get down.

Sunchild

Shane, I think you're already dealing with this in the healthiest possible way: you're acknowledging your pain right away instead of pretending it doesn't exist. I made that mistake; maybe at the time, I just wasn't strong enough to face up to what I'd lost to my JW experience or the truth of my feelings of loneliness. But I wasted a lot of time in denial that could have been spent picking up the pieces.

In time, I think it does go away -- but only after you've done exactly what you're doing right now. Get out there. Make REAL friends. Keep talking to the people here who have had similar experiences, and if necessary, get professional counseling. I can tell already that you're going to be okay.

All the best to you,

~Rochelle.

prophecor

Walter, whatcha' goin thru, same is here as for me, being so conditioned to having no contact with the outside world, I can become pretty reclusive. The conditioning makes me think it's done on purpose, how you gonna' leave when you have no structured support system underneath you to take the sting out of suddenly being left to your own devices. There's no one there to cover you. You can find yourself held hostage in a socially seperated vacuum.

I have found, however, that the world has so much to offer, and everyone not of JWO is not of the devil!!! Much help has been brought to me thru the hands of persons I would have normally kept off at a distance, were it not for the...TO BE CONTINUED

CoonDawg

Shane, it's good that you have a loving wife. I've found that my wife is my biggest pillar of support...what we have together is far and away better than anything that I could get at the hall. I too, know how it is to have a child sexually abused and to have it blown off by elders. I've been there. I have found that immersing myself in things that I want to do has helped...and meeting new people. I took lots of time to really feel like meeting new people and making friends...but it's definitely been worth it. I have been involved in a local car club and have made some great friends. The people I care most about who are still JW's (my wife and my mother) still care for me even though they may not LIKE the choices I've made, but they do have a sense of understanding WHY I've made the choices I have. They won't turn their backs on me...and that makes all the difference.

Get involved. Take up hobbies that include other people...and treasure the time you spend with your wife and try to hang in there for your daughter.

Ern

onacruse

Wow!

As I read the posts above, so many memories are brought back. Posters who have been there, done that, know what's it's like...exactly what it's like.

((PinTail)), the journey you are on is a tremendously challenging one, and irrevocable. One phrase that comes to mind (one that was repeated to me many times ) was: "Watch out for that slippery slope."

When you start "slipping down" that emotional and intellectual hillside, there's no stopping. But there is the fear of what lies at the bottom.

This begs the questions: Why fear? Is the emptiness we feel a bad thing, to be avoided at any cost?

In my case, there was incredible emptiness, and tremendous fear; an emptiness and fear that I never thought, in my wildest imaginations, would ever go away; a fear that was imposed on me by the WTS, and an emptiness waiting for resolution within myself. As Dr. Phil might say: "Are ya doin' the work?" and "Is it workin' for ya'?"

Look first to within yourself ("love others, as you love yourself"); make the conscious and deliberate decision to discard the fears imposed by your religious background, and thence to accept that other perspectives of life can be, and are, very satisfying.

The "empty" journey will be only as long, or as short, as you make it.

Respectfully,

Craig

MelbaToast

((((Pintail))))

So sorry for the lonliness you feel. And and these times, I think about all my blessings that I have. I am healthy. All my husbands family has taken me under their wing as their own, and love abounds. Sometimes I just have to remind myself of the beauty of things to get me from the emptyness and despair. A babys smile. A dog licking your nose. A humongous snowfall that turns sparkles with the days light.

All in all, you're doing pretty good, and a lot of that can be attributed to your head injury, not just whats going on in your life. Remember too that your brain needs time to readjust back to the way it was before you were hurt. But from your posts Ive seen on here, you seem like a well educated person. Research into your injury will help clarify WHY you are feeling this way.

My .02

Hope it helps a little

MelbaT

prophecor

Sorry for being so rude and leaving in the middle of what I was saying.

It was a moment where I had to quickly decide whether I was going to continue to sink and sulk in my uncomfortable, unsettled feelings, or put my wings on and make the best of a bad situation, I chose the latter.

It was a choice between going to my mother in laws home to assist in putting up the Christmas Tree and all the trimmings, or stay here on line or run the PS2 all night, I wasn't in a festive mood and that's what's oh so wrong with the way I respond to many things. If I can't see how the best of a situation may work itself in my favor, if I can't see a guaranteed good time of getting something out of it, then I often choose to stay in my box where I know what's going to happen. I can't predict that I will enjoy myself, maybe, if I get out of my own way. As it's happened, I'm so glad that I went.

My mother in law, who's 78 years of age, had been working thru getting everything prepared, the food, the tree, the lights. We as a rule have gone down there over the years to assist. This year I wasn't feeling it at all, my wife pleaded with me to the point of near tears to break away from my depressive moment so that she wouldn't be alone in that situation. It was a moment as was writing in this thread earlier and it was either go now and get over it, or stay and stew in your own box.

As it would happen, my mother in law passed out during the eventful evening, 911 was called and she was taken to the hospital, she has been suffering from vertigo and can get dizzy and pass out from time to time. She was released from the emergency room against medical advice, but I brought her back, her and my wife, and hopefully we won't have anymore episodes over the weekend.

I would have felt even more miserable had I stayed here and that happened, as opposed to my being there to assist in that situation.

But it's all part of the hang up I can have when not wanting to venture out, spread my wings, and go take on the world. Little steps though, they get me thru, and then other times, I have to take gigantic leaps of faith, like tonite. I was blessed in being there.

At the close of the evening, having gotten the tree up, I allowed myself to actually enjoy myself and have a good time, we looked at ancient photographs of the times when my mother in law was in her prime, looking back at her history, she opened up, I opened up, and it was truly a wonderful set of moments that will make me more appreciative of this time of the year. That it's not about me all the time, but about, what is it I can do for someone else. There was room for everyone to be themselves, and be OK, despite my struggles.

Merry Christmas Everyone

Much Love & Respect 2 U All

Do you become empty inside after leaveing the witness's?

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