What do ya do when... (page 2)

Elsewhere

Missy, for a very long time I gave and gave and gave because I thought that is what one was supposed to do. I *never* put myself first... and guess what... people milked me for all I was worth and then tossed me to the side when I was spent.

As the saying goes: You have to look after #1.

I had a very hard time accepting this and considered the saying to be an evil one.

I actually had a few people fuss at me for NOT doing this... they saw how I was being walked all over by other people and as a result I was going nowhere in life.

Just think about it... how can you help others if you have neglected yourself to the point of having no resources of your own?

My advice: Find a way to support yourself, move out, then use what you can to help your parents from your own home... otherwise you will always be stuck in an "infantile" state and dependant on the ones you THINK you are helping. Once your parents die, where will that leave you? Your support system will have dropped right out from beneath you.

Create your own independent support system and THEN help your parents.

Oh, and one of my rules for where to live: Always live at least 30 miles from your parents. This way they are close enough for visits, but not close enough for them to "drop by" every day.

You MUST become independent of your parents.

Good luck!

candidlynuts

all the above said... (which i agree with) remember theres NO Hurry so dont be rash. make sure you have your ducks in a row before you move out. because it is a big ugly world out there so be prepared. i struck out on my own at 37 /38 yrs old and ended up living in a van for a time. .so remember its not easy, its not impossible.. but its not easy. make sure your up for the challenge and go for it if its what you want.

your parents are gonna guilt you into anything you choose to do thats not what they want you to do. stand up for yourself, always express your love for them but become your own person. thats what they SHOULD want for you. guilt goes both ways!

SheilaM

You have a PM

missy04

Thanks, SheilaM, you have a pm too

missy04

I know exactly what you are going through. I went through the same thing with my folks, only I was 21. My mom would start on me about if I leave and she dies it would be my fault.

Sounds exactly like something my mom would say. I am glad you made the decision that you did and that it turned out well!

~Sarah

missy04

Winston Smith,

I think I will definetely look for that book!!

Thanks bunches,

~Sarah

missy04

Missy,
You're a very nurtuing and sympatheitc person....with that in mind, I hope you move out soon. Your parents are dependant on your good qualities, however.... they need to respect the fact that you deserve to live your own life. You can't live through other people like this. I hope things work out...
- Preston

Thanks, Preston. Yah I wish they could realize that I do need to live my own life. Whether they understand or not though I am going to end up doing that.

~Sarah

missy04

Oh, and one of my rules for where to live: Always live at least 30 miles from your parents. This way they are close enough for visits, but not close enough for them to "drop by" every day.

Good rule of thumb!! I was actually starting to consider 1,600 miles away in Arizona! lol

~Sarah

missy04

all the above said... (which i agree with) remember theres NO Hurry so dont be rash. make sure you have your ducks in a row before you move out. because it is a big ugly world out there so be prepared. i struck out on my own at 37 /38 yrs old and ended up living in a van for a time. .so remember its not easy, its not impossible.. but its not easy. make sure your up for the challenge and go for it if its what you want.

I agree with ya. I know I don't want to make a decision that won't end up working out well...the temptation is to just leave but I know that wouldn't be a good choice until I have everything all planned out.

~Sarah

missy04

Missy, for a very long time I gave and gave and gave because I thought that is what one was supposed to do. I *never* put myself first... and guess what... people milked me for all I was worth and then tossed me to the side when I was spent.

Elsewhere,

I am sorry that you were treated this way...people can really take advantage of giving, caring people.

Glad it all turned out good for you though!

~Sarah

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