Many of you have read my posts this past year and know I've felt somehow disapointed in the holidays. The idea of the magical euphoroic feeling I expected always seemed to be missing. The last thread I wrote on holidays, many of you gave me a lot of food for thought regarding the holidays becoming more real when I start creating my own traditions, so they become special to me. That was a revelation to me. I remember once I stood in line to get an autograph with a band once. By the time I got to the band, I was so nervous that I was opening pages of the concert book I had purchased for signatures and ran through the band members so fast I didn't know what I was doing.. until one of the last ones put his hand out to me and said STOP.. it was like water in my face.. then he said HI. and smiled. he brought the reality of the moment back to me. I was going through the motions of getting the signatures but not stopping long enough to enjoy the moment. He saw that. Well the holidays have been kind of like that for me. I've tried to celebrate them, but I don't think I took the time to really stop and think, reflect, enjoy and yes, create my own special traditions.. and it took the comments in that thread and privately as well, for me to get that "STOP" and think about it.. relect.. give myself time to enjoy.
This year for Christmas has already been special, even though it is far from over for me. But I have enjoyed adding special ornaments to the tree and new decorations for the house. Last year it was so costly getting just set up, that I couldn't get the 'special things'.. so this year was sooooo much fun. Plus I had a Christmas party both for my work and my boyfriends, not to mention other Christmas parties we received invites to.. (sadly we had to miss a couple). I've been rolling through the holiday slower this year.. and enjoying it. Thinking about the things that I remember my dad's family doing, that I want to repeat, so as to create my own traditions.........making it all more special..
and most of all.. the best part is flying home tomorrow morning to celebrate for the first time ever with my dad and brother and sister. I am sooooooooooooo excited to go home and share this with them. Finally Christmas feels real to me...