Fading Away

Dustin

I have a question for you guys. I just kind of took a fading away approach to the whole thing. I stopped going one day after years of abuse, and try not to look back. However this approach hasn't seemed to work real well. I was raised a wittness, and my parents still are. I don't want to lose them completely, yet I just have this deep down desire to go and have one final confrentation with the brothers. I want to tell them how much I hate them, and their religion. I just don't think writing a letter would do it justice. But what about my parents? I'm 27 years old and feel I should have a right to do what I want, yet the thought of hurting them scares me. What should I do?

Aude_Sapere

My therapist gave me an assignment to do:

Write a letter.

Share it with a confidant (in my case, this will be her).

Burn it.

Repeat as necessary.

That's what I plan on doing. In my opinion, stirring up trouble with parents is not necessarily going to make things better and if you've already successfully faded, why give them the (1) satisfaction that they still have control over you and/or your feelings, and (2) the inclination to start coming around and messing in your life again.

-Aude ~ of the no longer a 'newbie' class

Dustin

Thanks, that's good advice. It's just hard to let them have the last word.

Dustin

lazyslob

What should I do? You´re the onlyone who knows all the circumstances. How will they react if you get DFd? How important it is for you to let those unimportant a¤¤¤¤¤¤s to know what you think? You have the right to do whatever you want but as allways there´s consequences to your actions. Fair? No but......

Aude_Sapere

Oh! I AGREE!!!

It's incredibly hard! Also difficult when that last word is so incredibly wrong...!!

For many years I felt the need to counter all of my parents (mostly mother's) falsehoods. Many were not even religious-oriented. Just flat-out fabrications of anything and everything.

The letter writing-sharing-burning process is hugely therapeutic.

This board can also be a great place to 'unload'. Perhaps you would want to post your letter here.

I really like the burning part though. You can be brutally honest. Even vile. Burn the words and even bury them and have a grieving 'ceremony' for yourself. (A friend's daughters did this separately. They read their letters to the org and their father aloud to each other before burning. It was incredibly cathartic for them.)

-Aude ~ of the 'Junior Member' class.

Dustin

I shouldn't say what should I do. I really just lookin for advice. I've been confused about it for awhile.

Dustin

Thanks Aude, that's an interesting idea. I just always felt like I was told what to do my whole life. I never fought back because it wasn't the right thing to do. I'll tell you what, I'll write the letter and send it to you.

Dustin

willyloman

Dustin: Don't go postal on 'em or they WILL have the last word... when they read your name at the KH one night. Instead, you can have the last word by living a life that's worth something. The best revenge is living well.

Aude_Sapere

you have a pm

Dustin

Yeah, I know they would do that. But maybe it's worth it just to stand up to them once. I don't know. I know exactly what you're saying. You are right I should just move on. Even after 2 years of fading away though, I still feel a need to say "I hate you". I never got the chance to stand up once, my parents would always convince me not to. But I think I'll take your guys' advice and stay away.

Dustin

Fading Away

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