Have you ever felt used?

Country Girl

I had my birthday party/New Year's Day party tonight. I have hundreds of friends, or so I thought. How many show up? Nine. Those nine have always been the dearest to me, I treasure them. However, I have lots of OTHER friends, acquaintances, etc. But no one feels that it's important enough to go to their friends' birthday party. Guess my own brothers and sister didn't feel charged up enough to go. But they sure felt compelled when they went to collect their presents for Christmas...

I am *so* blessed with love and friendship. I am complaining because of the people that TAKE so much of me, every day, every week. They take my time, my advice, my friendship, and they return NOTHING and nothing is basically what I get in return. But I can't say "no, stop it." How do I do that? I have so many people that just TAKE of me, and don't return. Eventually, a vessel will be emtied. I am empty. I have nothing to give anymore, but tears.

How does one say *no*, politely, and still retain a relationship with a person? I don't want them to HATE me... I just want them to stop calling me and telling me their dramas.. because I have dramas of my own to work out..

CG

WildHorses

How does one say *no*, politely, and still retain a relationship with a person?

CC, a TRUE friend would still remain so even when you say no.

Country Girl

<sings> Wild horses keep draggin me away.... But I'll lose more than I'll ever get one day...

But how do you KNOW if they're real friends? Isn't that something that a lot of us face? I am so awkward with friendships, I just trust so many people. I even trust Valis... hehehhe. But I'm serious.. how do you KNOW who is using you, and who cares about you?

CG

Country Girl

Actually, I take that back. Valis is a person that I *do* trust with my life. He has carefully cared for me, acknowledged me, and made sure I was okay over the years, and so my statement earlier was unfair, but just a joke. I was pretty scared of him at first, but he quickly became someone that I could count on to make sure I was okay, and he still is. I love him alot...

Country <scared> Girl

WildHorses

Well, for one. A true friend will call you just to talk or come by to visit just to be in your company. Sure, true friends sometimes ask for favors or even money if needed, but they will return the favor if they can when you are in need. When you find that the only time you see or hear from a 'friend" is when they need something, then I would assume they were using me.

This that I copied from a web page is pretty true about real friends. Simple Friends vs. Real Friends

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about their problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after u've had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

A simple friend will read and throw this letter away.
A real friend will keep sending it until he's sure it's been Received.

Pass this on to anyone you care about...
if you get it back you have found your true friends.

Sassy

I'm sorry CG.. only really 5 people came to my birthday party.. (although TEH had friends that popped over to her house by accident that joined the party later that made it feel like there were more there)..

It's hard when people always expect you to be there for them.. but then don't always be there for you..

(((((((((CG))))))))))))

Country Girl

Thanks so much. With that poem you have just defined my best friend. I guess I am the luckiest person in the world to have just ONE best friend, much less nine, that fit that bill. I guess I am the luckiest person in the world.... cuz I know that if it could happen I'd have 200 or more from this board that would fit that bill that would be here..

CG

Country Girl

Thanks Sass...

That was a very compassionate and loving response.

CG

Country_Woman

( Country Girl )

I read in a magazine a while ago that most people have only 4-5 REAL friends,and then there is a circle of relatives and acquintances that you are comfortable to speak with.

The rest is just garbage.

I know the feeling that people come to you for advise - help a.s.o. and I know that it is almost impossible to deny what they ask for: to respond the way they want is in your character.

I think that you are just very tired on the moment..... then everyything is much harder to cope with.

My advice: take a good rest and try to put some distance between you and your so called "friends"

Eyebrow2

CountryGirl,

Oh your birthday is at a tough time of year...I am not trying to make excuses for those that didn't come. But maybe next year more can make it if you have a different time? Again, I am not trying to make excuses! One of my best friends when I was a teenager had a bday on July 5th. Everyone was either travelling or too hung over to go to her bday party, so she decided to do it a week or two before or after her bday. I don't know if that would be possible for you, but just a suggestion.

For my son, we usually have just a family thing on his actually bday, but usually have a celebration for his friends about 2 weeks after his bday. We do this because we have noticed that a lot of his friends usually have things going on that time of year. (it is at the end of January, kind of wierd, but that has been the trend!)

My two stepdaughters both invited about 10 kids total to their bday partys. The older one was at a little kids place, kind of like a chucke cheeses. The only kids that showed up were the three girls that we invited that lived next door...which we drove there with us.

When it was time for my next stepdaughters bday party, again we invited 10 kids..it was at our house, and only the neighbor kids showed up. I was more upset than they were. I know this is exactly the same, of course, but man, that really made me upset.

Happy belated bday to you! And just because you don't have all your friends show up doesn't mean you are not loved.

Have you ever felt used?

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