I do not think I could be in a relationship with a man who I knew was not sexually attracted to me...I would feel that if everything else in the relationship was great...be would be better as best friends. I would need to know that my mate find me not only attractive but that they want to jump me when I walk through the door. Otherwise, its a roommate/best friend situation...
Relationship guru's needed
by Imnostranger 16 Replies latest social relationships
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SixofNine
:I would need to know that my mate find me not only attractive but that they want to jump me when I walk through the door.
C'mon, be real. Life is not like a 24/7 Pink Panther movie y'know :-D
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SixofNine
ps.... though I must admit the chemistry between Clouseau and Kato was amazing.
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Incense_and_Peppermints
I do not think I could be in a relationship with a man who I knew was not sexually attracted to me...I would feel that if everything else in the relationship was great...be would be better as best friends. I would need to know that my mate find me not only attractive but that they want to jump me when I walk through the door. Otherwise, its a roommate/best friend situation...
amen! booyah, sis! (of course, i've never had that happen to me... i never give them the chance to diss me that a'way...)
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Imnostranger
Wow! Thanks for all of your wisdom!
Beebee - Great advice about underestimating the importance of sex in a LTR. She and I have discussed it. In the past it basically has gotten swept under the rug. Because of the outside attraction I have it has become a very hot topic and we have been talking about a lot of things. I don't think "working on it" would help much at this point - Its more about chemistry that is missing on my part - and I don't think I can create that. My hope with therapy was that if we improved our emotional intimacy - the bedroom intimacy would improve too.
6of9 -My past sexual relationships have been pretty steamy. My last gf and I had hot sex - but she was crazy and mean - so that ended. I guess that's why I've been so appreciative of this safe, stable, caring woman.
Pettygrudger - Also good advice - I don't want to "deal" with it forever. Thanks for helping with my guilt - I do feel guilty and sad...and a bit shallow about the whole thing. I also don't think its realistic to be with someone I need to jump every time they walk through the door -- but I do remember my lovers kisses being a consistent turn on - and I would like to have that again.
Kat2u - Her kisses were always "nice" - but never really took my breath away. Its been downhill in this dept. for at least a year.
Pink -- You are SO right about the chemistry. I have also wondered if we are actually best friends. What's confusing is that I don't generally enjoy cuddling with my friends like I do with her.
Jwbot - I agree totally. If someone told me the sex part didn't work for them - I'd be GONE. It would be way too painful to be rejected that way. That's why I feel so bad about the whole thing and wish I could fix it.
Thanks again for all your help and validation. I feel a bit better.
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Nosferatu
Any way you look at it, sex is a MAJOR part of any relationship. If you and your woman are doing well except in the bedroom, there is going to be problems. If she's not sexually satisfying you, you're going to look for alternative ways to sexually satisy yourself such as masturbation or even another woman which is what's happening.
The best person to be in a relationship with is the person who fulfills all of your needs; communication, affection, fun, sex, etc etc.
If your girlfriend isn't satisfying all your needs, you shouldn't be in a relationship with her. Go out and date more than one woman to fill your needs. You could have one for sex, one for fun, one for communication, and so on and so on. When you find one woman who can fulfill all your needs, that's when you enter a long term relationship with her and you won't be disappointed.
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JustTickledPink
Cuddling? Ok, you need to get a dog that you can snuggle up with at night. Cuddling is not the same as sex. The best cuddling comes AFTER the best sex.
And I'm with jwbot, if my man told me he's not that into me, I'd walk away. (of course no one has ever said that to me) but I want my man to lust after me, to want me.. just like the 80's song "I want you to want me" there is such a different feeling when someone WANTS you. I love being chased and that's exactly what my husband does for me.