RE: Busted by Wife (thanks to all for your help)

by Big Jim 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • Big Jim
    Big Jim

    I really do appreciate all the advice that I received from you all on this matter.
    I even appreciate the ones who gave critical advice and downed smoking.

    I took all advice that was given and have resolved the problem with your help.

    Here is where I am at with the issue now; I have been with my wife for almost twenty years now and we have always had a very strong and good relationship especially when it comes to communication. Well to her I betrayed that special bond by not telling her I was smoking. So in her mind she figured if I would hide this from her what else could or would I hide from her.

    So after digesting all the good advice that I have received from you all, I had a long heart to heart talk with her and reasured her that even though I am no longer a Witness that I would never do anything to destroy the family that I Love. And that I felt like I have allready given her so much grief and disappointment in her life by not being a Witness that I could not bare the fact that she would have to deal with another one,that of me smoking. And that is why I hid it and the only reason.

    I also told her that I have a freedom that allows me to make decesions for myself without worrying about what the WTS has to say and think about it and I will not ever be dominated by religion again.

    I explained to her that I feel like that I am a very good husband and very good man. I provide for the family, I spend time with my kids and try to make the best of what I can with them all even though I am not a Witness.

    So we came to some compromises that I can live with, first of all I will no longer go to the bars for Karaoke unless she comes with me and that of course I will never smoke in front of her are the kids are in our home which I would have never done anyways.

    And the best one of all I DONT HAVE TO WEAR A CONDOM ! HA HA HA

    THANKS AGAIN FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

  • Big Jim
    Big Jim

    Just bringing it back up to the top to make sure all that replied see my thank you post.

  • safe4kids
    safe4kids

    Hey BigJim ,

    Glad to hear that you and your missus got things aired out. It sounds like the two of you do have good communication and that perhaps she will be reassured of your love for her.

    I had to laugh at:

    And the best one of all I DONT HAVE TO WEAR A CONDOM ! HA HA HA

    Goodonya mate!!

    Dana

    "A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born."
    Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  • think41self
    think41self

    Hey Big Jim,

    I am so happy that you and the wife worked things out. It sounds like you are both fairly well grounded, and the compromises you made were reasonable, IMHO.

    Take care, and I hope things keep going well.

    Tracy

  • soylibre
    soylibre

    Congratulations!!!!!! Enjoy your freedom!

  • Princess
    Princess

    Glad to hear you were able to work things out. Best of luck to you and your wife.

    Princess

  • Enlighted UK
    Enlighted UK

    Big Jim

    WELL DONE!!

    But what about your quote:

    " I spend time with my kids and try to make the best of what I can with them all even though I am not a Witness. "

    I feel that you will be an EVEN BETTER dad to your children now that you are not a witness. You will now be able to encourage them in their pursuits; careers, social activities etc, without the fear or stigma that is attached to "worldly pursuits".

    I am not a JW now, although my husband is.

    It is my daughters 3rd birthday today. On Sunday we are having a "first" birthday party for her - (My husband will be there!!) - I have wanted to do this for 3 years. Now I can without fear of being condemned for it everytime I walk in a Kingdom Hall (which neither me or my daughter will ever do again).

    You will be able to do far more for your children.

    ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM.

    Enlighted UK

  • blondie
    blondie

    Glad to hear things are working out.

  • safe4kids
    safe4kids

    BigJim, I agree with EUK as to you being a better parent...now you will be able to decide issues on their own merits instead of based on what an organization tells you to do...this will help your kids to develop critical thinking skills as well.

    EUK (((Hugs))) to ya!!! Your sharing of your daughter's birthday party brought tears to my eyes...I celebrated my daughter's first birthday about 3 years ago (she was 5) and OMG, it was so much fun!!! I felt so good about the whole thing and I was surrounded by my true friends. Of course, they had to lead me by the hand as to what to do LOLOL..having been raised a JDub, I wasn't sure of 'proper birthday party procedure!' But it was a great time and I am so happy to enjoy my childrens' birthdays with absolutely NO guilt!! Ain't freedom a wonderful thing????

    Dana

    "A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born."
    Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  • Billygoat
    Billygoat

    BigJim,

    I'm thrilled to hear that you and your wife are working things out! I won't say "worked" because a good, strong relationship is ongoing work - it doesn't stop.

    Know that you are in my prayers - your wife and kids as well!

    Billygoat

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