What? Now I can't beat the sh*t out of my kids either! What's left? Next thing I know you'll be telling me I can't drink and drive or "b*tch-slap" my wife when she pisses me off. oooooooosssssaaaaaaah! (Bad BoyzII)
Man I can't do nuthin.
u/d
physical discipline
by Low-Key Lysmith 43 Replies latest jw experiences
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Fleur
Alot of the sisters would keep wooden spoons in their purses.
My mother chose to use hers at home, not at the hall. She also liked big plastic hairbrushes from Avon.Ask me why I don't have wooden spoons in my house to this day...they make me physically ill.
My dad favored the backhand upside the head;leaving me seeing stars. Finally my mother told him to quit or there would be trouble.
No one in the congregation said a word when I once raised my hand as a small child at the bookstudy when the conductor asked if anyone had any closing comments. He called on me (who calls on a 3 year old?) and I said "I want to say that parents really hurt their kids feelings when they hit them and I don't think they should do it."
The conductor coughed a couple times then said "Thank you, all parents should keep that in mind." and my parents never spoke of it except years later, when for some reason they thought it was funny. I remember they stopped hitting me about the time my younger brother was born, most of it was when I was very little. Funny, out of several kids I was the only one they would hit.
I have never, ever hit my child, nor do I want to. It doesn't do any good and it changes who they are and how they feel about you, forever.
still I hear stories of kids being hospitalized or beaten to death and I know I got off lucky. I remember one kid who would get dragged to the back of the hall by his ear. He never forgot that.
He committed suicide a couple years ago after being df'd. I still think of him all the time...
essie
(I still look at baby pictures and wonders what I could have done back then to make them so angry...then realize it wasn't me who was the problem :(
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happyout
I was hit as a kid, but it didn't have anything to do with being a JW. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but in the 60s and 70s, almost every black parent we knew hit their kids, usually with a belt. It was called a whipping (pronounced whupping), and it was simply accepted. I'm talking about people in the neighborhood, none of them witnesses. There are experts who say it is a holdover from when blacks were whipped as slaves on plantations. Surprisingly, in my hall, most of the white parents were never seen hitting their kids, no matter how much they misbehaved.
It didn't especially bother me to get spanked, actually. It didn't happen a lot, I wasn't a bad kid. And since everyone else I knew got them, I didn't feel any special punishment was being directed at me, nor did I feel it was because of being JW.
My son is 4, and I have never spanked him, and sincerely hope I will never have to, BUT, I leave it open as an option if the circumstances require it.
Happyout
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Incense_and_Peppermints
My dad favored the backhand upside the head;leaving me seeing stars.
any man that can hit his own little girl is well i won't say it.
my mom loved to slap me in the face, among other things, like switching me... that's where she'd go outside and get an oleander branch and peel off all the leaves and then wet it and come find me and hit me with it until she got tired. but the worst is getting slapped in the face...it's unspeakably rude and humiliating. i'd say more but i don't want to.
I still look at baby pictures and wonders what I could have done back then to make them so angry...then realize it wasn't me who was the problem :(
when i was going through it i'd think what did i do, and what can i do not to get hit again and you're right, only when you grow up do you see it wasn't you at all. i've never hurt my son in any way, and never will. there are effective ways to discipline your child and teach them without resorting to hitting. it's ok for parents to hit their children but i bet if they caught someone in a daycare situation hitting ther child theyd be shocked and outraged.
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Nosferatu
She also liked big plastic hairbrushes from Avon.
I got a wooden hairbrush in the head a few times. I remember one particular instance. I got it because my father had visited his ex-wife while he was in Vancouver.
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Why Georgia
Hi Fleur,
Isn't it funny that as adults if we hit another adult we can go to jail or be civily sued...
But children really have no rights?
It's like they are considered property.
If you hit an adult it is assault and battery - hit a child and its punishment for their own good.
Why must we control our tempers and anger with other adults or else but children you can just forget about it?
I'm sorry you were abused as a child.
May peace and blessings fall upon you like a soft and gentle rain.
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Fleur
any man that can hit his own little girl is well i won't say it.
I grew up in mortal fear of the man. Even after he stopped hitting me, all he had to do was say my name with that tone or look at me sideways and I'd run away sobbing and hide. It wasn't until my twenties that I confronted him about it; of course he denied ever having hit me. But I asked my older siblings, and they remembered it clearly. They also thought that it was strange that I was the only one he hit.
I have made peace with my father now, and in fact, ironically, even though I thought we would never have any kind of relationship at all, we have a close one now. He is different in his old age than he was in his thirties and fourties. The anger isn't there anymore. He had a hellish childhood (not an excuse, just a fact) and I know he was beaten from infancy until the day he left home to get married (and other things I can't go into for privacy's sake) it's amazing he was any kind of parent at all.
I learned from my own parents how not to parent: and from my grandparents how TO parent. They used to come and take me away for days at a time, I think they knew I was the smallest person on the totem pole and often caught all my parent's anger and frustration.
Wooden hairbrushes, there were a couple of those too. I cannot imagine ever hitting my child with anything; let alone an object. What the hell were they thinking.
hugs to everyone who still has the scars, even though you may not see them now. Our children will never have to suffer what we did, because we're breaking the cycle. That makes every parent who was abused and doesn't abuse in turn a hero to me. thanks to everyone for their kind words too.
love
essie
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upside/down
Seriously- I discipline my kids whenver the occasion calls for it. Sometimes they've been spanked. Although this is RARE. I have a great relationship with my kids. I ALWAYS get compliments at how well behaved and mannered they are- and they truly are! They bring me more pleasure and contentment than I ever thought possible. All I have to do is go to Wal-Mart and watch all the frickken BRATS, throwing tantrums and screaming bloody murder while mommy is in her "zone" completely ignoring it (or heavily medicated,not sure which) and I see the results of parents abdicating being "parents" to pop-psychology. I don't "abuse" my kids, as true "abuse" is bad and harmful. But I've seen many a parent "ABUSE" their child by doing nothing!
It might sound stupid, but I learned a lot from watching Little House on the Prairie as a kid and always admired how the kids were treated. Works for me.
u/d
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Fleur
All I have to do is go to Wal-Mart and watch all the frickken BRATS, throwing tantrums and screaming bloody murder while mommy is in her "zone" completely ignoring it (or heavily medicated,not sure which) and I see the results of parents abdicating being "parents" to pop-psychology. I don't "abuse" my kids, as true "abuse" is bad and harmful. But I've seen many a parent "ABUSE" their child by doing nothing!
I agree that children need to be taught how to behave and have consequences for their actions, but there are other ways besides hitting. I'm not saying that you abuse your children; I want to be clear there. I am just saying that personally, I just don't think that hitting someone a third or half your size and without a clue as to what is really going on is a good way to go.
Now I'll step out of this thread cause I think it's going to turn into a debate and frankly I haven't the heart for it. This is a very touchy topic with me as you can imagine.
I didn't start this thread but I think that it would be nice for those of us who suffered from getting hit if those who want to defend the fact they do use physical punishment (in any amount)on their kids could do it in another thread.
essie
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MonkeyPrincess
Yes, the Big wooden spoon, that was my mom. If we even moved an inch in our chair at the kingdumb hall, she would just show us the spoon as a warning. If we misbehaved, you better beleive we got it, and had the welts to prove it. My mother stopped using the hairbrush when she broke it on my sisters behind. Of course, my dad was the worst with the big thick leather belt. Of course if he couldnt find that, he would knock us over the head with his knuckles, or give us a good smack.
When i had my son, the few meetings i took him to, my mother litterally bullied me into taking him to the bathroom to spank him. It was horrible, that was the last time i went the the meeting, it felt so wrong. I mean, he was only 1 at the time, who makes a 1 year old sit for 2 hours, its ridiculous!!!
I am so glad that is over, i am stopping that cycle with my son, now at 3 years old he gets time out's and that seems to work just fine.
MonkeyPrincess.