Hi, Pin.
I really suffered from this lack of 'spiritual indoctrination' when I first got out as well. As much as I hated everything that this religion represented, they definitly force feed you a lot of religion, and it's weird not having it. This is especially true if the void you experience after leaving is complete: religion, self-esteem, family, friends, finances. I did maintain that I belived in the Divine and in the Bible so definitely missed it.
I don't know if you will ultimately come to the same conslusion I did or not, but for me, it was realizing that what I was experiencing was a lack of sensory input, not spirituality. Afterall, since spirituality and a relationship with God was up to me not some group of bible thumpers, the only thing that was missing in the mix was that I was no longer being force fed, and I didn't have the self dicipline to go out and rustle up my own grub!
The Mormons do pick up a lot of ex witnesses, in my opinion because they have the same 'feeding program' that we are used to and it's comfortable as long as you can get past the Joseph Smith and new bible thing; bible study, they come to you, etc., etc. (I studied with them for a year so I'm not speaking out of my hat here) My answer was that my spirituality was up to me and between me an my God and I started to really draw lines between what was spirituality and a relationship with the Divine and what was religious bull puckie. Here are a couple scriptures that helped me and how I applied them.
[Romans 14:19 Let us then pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.]
If it left me feeling guilty, depressed, angry and not closer to God, I dropped it like a hot potato!
[Romans 14:22 The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. ]
How I applied this is tht I stopped letting others have an opinion in what constituted 'doing it right' when it came to my worship of God. I pursued information in print and online and allowed myself the dignity of making up my own mind about what was true for me.
Sure hope this helps, Pin. The otherday, a couple elders came to my door, and I was amazed to be able to absolutely hold my own against them using their own bible. They left my door mad as a hatter and red to boot saying that they were going to come back and straighten me out. Wonder how many they'll bring next time? All my teen aged son could say was, "Damn, Mom! I got goose bumps."
I tell you this because a couple years ago, I would not have been able to do this, and the entire 'visit' would have left me shaking and crying and feeling like I needed them. It takes time, but when you realize you are really free and you know WHY, and you have built your own relationship with God by doing your own research, you will really do the happy dance!
Hang in there.
Jean
