might go back to the meetings - what am I getting myself into? (page 2)

MegaDude

I'm curious, JW Bot. Did your sister tell the guy she's with that she intends on staying with JWs and what that will entail?

JWbot, I hope you have something to keep you from puking during the meeting service. I had to go back to one back around 2002 and I can tell you from previous experience, it's hard not to puke when you see the BS people are forced to believe.

jwbot

MegaDude: Yeah he knows, they have been coresponding for a while. He knows about how she will be disfellowshipped and what that entails. My sister even told him what went on with me and that she had treated me badly by shunning me and that she now knows it was the wrong thing to do (for which she apologizes a lot to me for). From what I seen, he knows what he is getting into. She is not pushing anything on him though, and she is not pushy with me either.

SimpleSally: She might be a little fragile mentally, but she is very smart and logical, I think her leaving completely would be a long time coming...we shall see.

CRR: Oh I know what you mean. I went to the assembly this past semtember with my S/O and we could barely stand a half day...hell the opening prayer had my poor S/O rolling his eyes he was so astonished by what he heard. It now takes a lot for me not to laugh or gag or be like "WHAT??!?!". haha.

ValiantBoy

It is very nice of you to encourage your sister to find her own path. We have to realize that even though we disagree with witnesses, we have to respect the decisions that other people make. I try to encourage my mom when I can, but I am also honest. As long as being a witness is making her happy, then I'll support her. But I won't ever excuse the things that the org does that are wrong.

SixofNine

Hope your sister is not viewing her new guy as a solution to anything other than her understandable sexual curiosity and drive. Doubtful though. What a disaster.

Jez

It made my mom happy to know that I am helping out my sister though. It seems for some strange reason, I am getting on my families good side again. Even my brother-in-law. Such a very odd, intense, stressfull month!

This makes me sad. They can't accept you for who you are, BUT as soon as you show any little tiny hint of GOING BACK TO MEETINGS (like it is a cure all), you are getting on their good side again. Even if it is for your sister, they no doubt see it as a chance to get both of you back in again.

I use to be torn about how much of myself to give to family, but now I have personally come to the conclusion that I will not sacrifice my beliefs, values or sense of self anymore, even for family. At least you are not pretending to 'for real' go back.

Only you know what is best for you. I, for one, just could not give over to them anymore.

Love Jez

ColdRedRain

JWbot: When are you going to respond to my thread so it doesn't get the distinction of being an orphan thread?

outbutnotdown

jwbot,

I followed your other thread about your sister leaving and I read all of this one. I think I am making a fairly objective point here. I suspect that you might see it differently. But here goes:

Seven days ago, your sister was leaving because her husband was "emotionally abusive". Then he seemed to be taking it quite hard but dealing with it fairly calmly, from your other posts in the other thread. I don't remember you saying that he was doing anything abusive during the last week. (Correct me if I'm wrong.)

In this new thread, you very quickly mention that your sister's got a new guy and is going to get df'd. IMO, you dismissed it too quickly. Your sister DID NOT find this guy in this past week, based on how you are describing how much he knows about the JW situation.

Now I'll jump into what Jez mentioned. You seem to be happy that you are being accepted by your family a little bit now. That just doesn't sit right with me either. Of course it is natural for you to WANT your family's attention, but I don't think their attention to you is being offered unconditionally.

I'm going to be blunt. Feel free to return the favour. Your sister is, to a certain extent, a user. It seems very unfair for her husband to be accused of being abusive when obviously there was at least one other BIG reason that she left. Personally, I wonder if her accusation was fair at all.

Then, if you go to the meetings all is well with your family. Your family has some major issues. It seems to be based more on manipulation than love. I would be wary of trusting any of them very much, even if you are related.

It seems like you can help the most by NOT getting sucked into their little games and instead by staying neutral. I have not said this for anything other than to state my observations, but I have had a lot of experience in this area and I felt it needed to be said. I hope you understand my intentions.

Best of wishes, Brad

Jez

Indeed, she has been going through a horrible depression and thinking about suicide.

Ok, I have been thinking more and more about this thread. I have to ask something because I am SO angry at my own sister (df'ed for years) right now because she is in the middle of leaving her commonlaw husband of 7 years, they have 2 kids (4 and 2 years old). Her reason? He does not communicate enough, he and I have nothing in common anymore, he is always grouchy, well, to me....basically lame ideas. NOW, she claims that she is depressed, etc, thing is....she is seeing someone else. Her husband knows about it and is fighting it all he can. He is going to counselling, writing her letters constantly, journaling, in other words, he is trying to improve himself as a person. Now that he is giving her everything that she claims to have 'needed' all these years, she won't have none of it.

Why? because some other guy is involved!!! This CAN"T give them as a couple a proper chance. She rubs his nose in it by laying in bed and talking to this other guy on her cell phone, she stops by daily to 'say goodnight' to him.

I am very angry at her behaviour and I don't know how to reconcile this in my head. To me, she is not well, she has had 4 long relationships fail, she has piggybacked each one with another man, and seeks admiration from outside herself.

Given your sisters 'depression and suicidal thoughts' do you SAY anything to her about going right from one guy to another or do you just mind your own business and accept anything, even if you disagree with it?

Jez

outbutnotdown

Jez,

You and I are thinking very similar things, it seems. I don't think jwbot's sister is right either. It is SO much of a parallel to my ex. She had a few friends who supported her in EVERYTHING, even affairs.

Sometimes, as a friend or relative you just gotta stand up to the person, slap them upside the head (symbolically) and tell them to smarten the hell up. ..... or tell them to get help.

I hope jwbot doesn't take this personally because it shouldn't be but her sister just IS NOT being fair to her husband.

Brad

might go back to the meetings - what am I getting myself into?

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