For those raised as JWs...

by Country Girl 31 Replies latest jw experiences

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  toladest

  I remember a lot from my childhood. I was 3 when my mom started studying and 5 when she was baptized. I still have one of the last christmas stocking stuffers I got. I held on to it for all these years. I guess I was trying to hold onto Christmas. My dad never became a JW but he went along with whatever mom wanted most of the time. He always tried to "keep the peace". But he is a vietnam vet and alcoholic. Didn't mix well with my JW mom. He finally divorced her a few years ago.

  Anyway, most of my memories are bad. Being picked on at school for being a JW amoung other things. I do have some time that is "missing". From the time I was 12 until I was 14 there are a lot of lost memories. But I know some of what happened to me then and I am glad the memories are missing. Some memories are better forgotten.....
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  Carmel

  Consider yourself lucky! I wish sometimes I could forget!

  carmel
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  peggy

  It was amazing to me to read this post. I have a lost childhood. My mom started studying when I was 2yrs old, baptized when I was 4. I have no solid memories until around 9. I started drinking and drugging at 12. I assume that my mind had the capacity to shut out the pain for a time, the alcohol was my next defense. My father was not a witness and he used every trick in the book to stop this religion within my family. My mom was determined to hold to her faith. The result is four screwed up kids! By the way, my father then begged each of us kids to turn to my moms religion when he saw how much trouble we were in. We went from kids who were trying to cope, to kids who were trying to find God.

  Still trying to cope!
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  m0nk3y

  Your probably don't remember much because nothing exciting ever happens to a JW it's all 1,000,000 meetings a week and field serve blah blah blah prestudies and stuff .. your brain is like "Jeez when you do somthing interesting I'll record that, until then I'm not going to waste precious space"

  
  
  
  
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  scootergirl

  Countrygirl...I can relate to what you are saying. For many years my childhood was a blur. Happy memories just weren't there. I didn't remember details of growing up. I believe I blocked out a lot for many years. It wasn't until my sister, eyegirl, and I got together and started talking. It was like a dam was opened and I was flooded w/childhood memories. Good and bad...but I chose to focus on the good. It feels good to laugh w/her about our past. When our brother gets together w/us there is always giggles and laughs about the stupid crap we did as kids..the memories that were tucked away for a time when they could be brought back and appreciated and taken for what they were.
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  Billygoat

  I have wonderful memories of my childhood before my dad started studying with the JWs. I remember feeding the ducks at the park. I remember snow sledding. I remember him teaching me how to draw a cartoon - his drawing to show me how was a family of worms eating cheerios for the first time. But when I was 8 he started studying and that's when things changed. They changed even more after he got married and they had some babies. I honestly cannot think of but three or four good memories from the ages of 8 and 18 when I left home. I'm sure they were there...but I can only remember how abusive my father was.
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  Country Girl

  Thanks for all your wonderful comments, suggestions, and for sharing some painful, and good, memories of your childhoods. Isn't it funny how the brain stores memories? I have a lot of bad ones, and good ones, too, but the ones that are coming up right now seem to be more painful. Maybe because I can deal with them better, and it is time. But, like I said, they are just bits and pieces... I wish they were clear and detailed, because then dealing with them, I think, head on, would make it much easier. I don't know. What really makes me ill is when I am sharing these memories with my parents, that they totally deny something ever happened. It's very scary, because it makes you feel like you made up the whole thing and that YOU are the one going crazy!

  My Mother says she "vaguely remembers" about when I told her when I was four years old that the babysitter molested me. ACK! How could you not remember that, if you love your child? When I found out my son had been molested, I went ballistic! I surely remember *that*! Of course, nothing was done in my case... par for the course. When I was informed that the predator that attacked my son confessed, I immediately brought him to the police. They could not obtain information from him, and so could not make a case. But it wasn't like I was trying to deny it happened, I just did as the police asked me, but I damn sure made sure that I did all I could at the time. I hope that he realizes that one day.

  I feel alot of support here, and a lot of comraderie that I am not the only one having these "dreams" or whatever they are. Thanks so much. It makes me feel more sure that I am not going crazy, and that some of these memories have validity.

  Country Girl
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  LittleToe

  I can't remember what PTSD stands for...

  I have lots of memories throughout my life, mostly of embarrassing JW-type situations, but a good number of fun one's too.
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  ohiocowboy

  Post traumatic stress disorder...

  I too have problems remembering some key things that happened to me while I was in the Borg. I know I was baptized at 15, but can't remember the date, or even which city it was in. It may have been Jacksonville, Fla. as that is where we had most of our District Conventions, but then again, it could have been Lakeland, or somewhere else. Also, I can't remember most of the songs, or much of the literature, even though I was an avid collector of any old WT literature.

  I can still remember most names of those in the Congs. that I grew up in, with the exception of one cong. I was associated with for a year, and for the life of me, I cannot remember any of the names of people there. The other congs. that I do remember people though, I sometimes do research and people searches to see who died, got married, where they are now living, etc...Actually, that is how I found out that my Father had died 3 years previously to me finding out on the internet.

  I guess some things are best forgotten...
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  outoftheorg

  I came on the scene in 1935. mom was a jw dad was not. One brother two sisters. Remember the family moving a lot but I always found them. :)

  Sitting in dads lap and him holding me, mom never did. WW 2 came and lots of soldiers parade through town. Brother goes to prison to please mom and the wbts.

  War ends brother comes back home and all three kids leave home. Mom is devastated, dad seems ok, I am really confused.

  Jw's and school don't get along. Go to one school for a year and have only one memory about it.

  Start working at 17 yrs. family destitute I must work. Dad dies at 19 never got to really know him as an adult. Miss that.

  I think I turned out ok don't seem to have any mental emotional problems. Oh I forgot the elders said I had fits of rage and df'd me. They were right, I hated their guts and wanted to beat on them.

  They think I am dangerous and have a mental problem. Whata you think?

  All in all, knowing my parents age-health-problems, they did the best they knew how.

  I would like to blame all my misfortunes on them but knowing of my own mistakes as a parent, I can't justify blaming them for it all.

  Life is difficult. I guess it is designed to be that way. what ever, that is the way it is.

  Outoftheorg