by Mommie Dark 24 Replies latest jw friends
I am the older sister of the boy who was beat in the parking lot for blinking too many times. Thanks so much for posting this. People need to know what goes in the witness religion. The abuse children suffer is beyond comprehension. I was beat AND molested by the same man. Yet, he walks free.
Chris
I've been accused of manufacturing these tales, ever since I first sent Randy Watters the articles he used at Free Minds. In fact, all I have ever done is scribe the anecdotes that others shared with me after I told MY true stories.
Mention 'wooden spoons' in any crowd of ex-JWs anywhere, online or realtime, and the memories come flooding forth. This happens everywhere JWs exist. JWs routinely whack infants who babble and coo, they start early and the violence escalates until the child is too scared to wiggle or giggle or whisper during meetings.
BTW for the one who wondered if things have changed in 20 years, the quotes from that JW parenting board were made in 1999. Is that recent enough to show they still do this?
I don't think, (striving for fairness here) that Brooklyn actually meant for folks to use rubber hose, belt buckles, hairbrushes, or to bang heads together or to leave welts and bruises... but insisting that corporal punishment is good and necessary leads almost inevitably to abuse. For spanking to be effective, it must be done seldom, entirely without anger, and used only as a deterrent for the most serious dangerous behaviors. I don't see that among JWs. I see a lot of social intimidation to keep kids quiet and submissive at any cost, and no consideration of the childrens' needs.
Using physical punishment unfortunately almost always leads to abusive behavior. Especially in a hierarchical situation like JW congregations where the pecking order is so rigid...kids, at the very downstream point in that hippo hierarchy, get to eat all the residual anger and frustration and guilt and shame that the higher-ups excrete after their meals of WT spiritual food. They get punished for not living up to unrealistic expectations. They get punished, all too often, because some adult gets a rush of power from intimidating and manhandling a little person. And abusers among JWs get positive feedback for doing so! As long as the kid doesn't die, beating is aok among JWs, and they won't listen to reason because the Bible, and Brooklyn, both say it's a good thing.
I'm trying to figure a way to use this material without getting so irate and ill that my prejudice ruins the effect of the article. So far I am entirely unable to muster any moderate tone in talking about this issue.
Side note: I recently had a gritty conversation with my middle son, who admitted to a lot of anger that his little brother has never been beaten or forced into submission. He honestly thought I should treat the little one the same way I treated him! He sees my change in attitude as proof somehow that I love the little guy better. I've had to do even more painful examination of big parts of our life in order to set him straight, and to quit feeling guilt over things I can't change. My point is, that fugging hierarchical submission bugbear is STILL mucking with our family dynamic after more than ten years out of the cult! Imagine what is does to people who don't know where to start in changing that hierarchical dynamic!
It's a hot-button issue for many, and hopefully exposure of the abuse will lead to positive change. Someone once opined to me that at least in USA government won't intervene out of fear of violating religious rights. In that case it's even more crucial for us to publicize these heinous acts done in God's name.
Hello Mommie Dark,
Quite a sad topic, and I do appreciate
the sensitive and kind answer from Somebody.
As the saying goes :" You'll keep learning till your last day!"
and it is valid for everyone ! Greetings, J.C.MacHislopp
((((((((((MD)))))))))))))thanks for posting......Tina Wooden Spoon Survivor(and other sundry tools)
Thanx for posting this MD, I can remember being on watchtower org list with you when a thread came up on punishment and the stories were very much like the ones you've posted here thats with out the other lists I've been on where the experiences have been very much a long the same lines or worse mirroring what I saw/suffered in the toilets of the kingdom hall and conventions, I can even remember
one woman posting somewhere that she asked a 'brother at the meeting why he was flicking his wifes pregnant belly with a pen at a kingdom hall and was told that training a child to sit still at meetings should start as soon as possible.
The pressure for children to behave at the meetings is immense, I remember when I used to hear accounts of how people got positive witnesses from jw childrens behaviour in examples at the hall, I used
to inwardly shudder and wonder to myself if any of the people who gained these great witnesses ever gave half a thought as to why these kids were so wonderfully behaved and how such levels of good behaviour were reached.
nelly
I had almost forgotten some of the things I witnessed as a witness. Personally my mother owned a "plastic" spoon so it would sting more. I was once beaten black and blue from my knees to my waist for telling my uncle when my birthday was when he asked. We had only been witnesses for about 6 months and I didn't know that this was tantamount to celebrating my birthday with the pagans.
One brother in our hall brought hot chilis to put on the tongues of any of his children who whispered during meetings. He would also poke them in the eyes if they looked around. This is the same man who, rather than cut firewood, would simply shove a tree in the fireplace and leave it hanging out the door shoving it in when it burned off. I hear he has had 3 wives now. Wonder where he is?
Although this is a great post - enlightening! - I must also admit that it makes me physically ill. My heart aches for all of those children that have endured physical, emotional, and mental abuse from JW parents. Mommie, here is another story to add to your list of many...it is mine.
My father and I were extremely close before he became a JW. It was just the two of us. I was rarely in trouble - basically a good kid. When he did discipline me, it was usually 'discussions' as to what I did was wrong. I did have an occasion spanking, but they were few and far between and never physically abusive.
But he became a JW and then married a JW, when I was around 7 or 8. Before long it wasn't just the occasional slap on the bottom. It was with a leather belt, sometimes using the buckle. Not long after that it was with me stark naked and him holding me down on the bed whipping me from my ankles up to my back. I knew back then (age 9 - 16) that this wasn't normal discipline. Many times I would get into a verbal argument with him and my stepmother, threatening to call CPS. Boy did I get it then! We actually had CPS called on us twice from a man that lived next to our Kingdom Hall. Dad used to take me and my brothers outside and beat us where people indoors couldn't hear us screaming and crying. But "Rolly", the guy that lived next door, witnessed this many times and finally called CPS. The first time it was because Dad was shaking my 10 month old brothers for crying during a meeting. The second time was because Rolly saw my dad lift up my dress and pull my underwear down (IN THE PARKING LOT!!!) and then proceed to spank me with a leather belt. My dad being very handsome, charming and a GREAT liar made us seem like a happy family to CPS. They believed him.
I still cry for that little girl back then. There is no getting her back. I mourn for my brothers still in the WTS - they're 18 and full-time pioneers still at home. I hurt for those other children in the WTS that are still getting abused.
My experience has made me think two contradicting thoughts...
1. That I'll be a great mom because I know what NOT to do.
2. That I'll be a terrible mom because abuse is typically hereditary.
I am 29 years old and have no desire at present time to be a mother. How sad is that? That a normal, healthy, human, womanly desire be completely run out of my heart from such an experience? I still cry...
Billygoat
PS: Thanks for listening to me. I know not all want to hear these types of posts, but it is way of healing for me.
reading this post left me sad and sick to my stomach. and ANGRY! so angry, at parents for feeling justified in abusing their kids and at the WTS for even encouraging any sort of corporal punishment. grrrrrrrrrr
SHAME ON YOU WTS!! SHAME ON YOU PARENTS WHO DO THIS TO YOUR CHILDREN!! sick and evil and disgusting.....
my heart and love goes out to all of you who have(edited to add this: and the children still suffering) suffered at the hands of your parents or other adults.
peace and love
harmony
"If God has spoken, why is the world not convinced?"
..........Percy Bysshe Shelley, English poet (1792-1822)
My heart cries out to all of those children as well Harm! I can at least feel like I have semi-recovered from it, but to those kids still in the grips of an abuser??? I can only pray for them!!!
I am a fairly new Christian and do believe in hell. I think there is a special place in Hell for anyone who abuses a child in anyway (my Dad) or doesn't stop to help a child who is being abused (my Mom). They will have to answer for their actions and they WILL be punished for it. I hate to say that I look forward to that day, but a sick part of me does want to see them punished and held accountable.
Billygoat
Dear {{Billygoat}},
Here you say:
"I am 29 years old and have no desire at present time to be a mother. How sad is that? That a normal, healthy, human, womanly desire be completely run out of my heart from such an experience? I still cry...".
I hold you and cry with you. My dfed sister went thru these emotions too. Her son today, is a remarkable human Being. There ARE others who have gone thru this too. Just wanted you to know, you are never alone in your tears. Many cry with you.
Please stop by to chat sometime if your in the "(yahoo) hood"!
Btw, she is on yahoo voice too if you ever want to hook up with her; my sis.
Sincerely, sKally
