wife given permission new union with lover without husband's permission

belu

I am married to a JW woman who lives in the Philippines. Divorce is not possible there so she is seeking an annulment of our marriage. In order to make sure she followes true with the annulment I have asked her not to be with another man until the annulment is final. After 8 months of no communication, I just found out that the congregation approved a union with her new lover without even contacting me. My question is how could the congregation allow this union without my agreement? What is the proceedure for this new union to happen without hearing from me if reconciliation was possible?

SixofNine

Had you ever consumated the relationship with your wife?

blondie

belu, the WTS developed a policy of sidestepping the no-divorce laws in mostly Catholic countries. The WTS acts as the judge/jury decided if there was adultery and allowing a scriptural divorce and remarriage under their policies. Then when that country should change their laws, JWs were told they to get a secular divorce.

True Peace book chap. 13 p. 148 Your View of Sex?What Difference Does It Make? ***

What if the laws of a land do not allow any divorce, even on the ground of sexual immorality? An innocent mate in such a case might be able to obtain a divorce in a country where divorce is permitted. Circumstances, of course, may not allow for this. But some form of legal separation may be available in one?s own country and could be sought. Whatever the case, the innocent mate could separate from the guilty one and present definite proof of Scriptural ground for divorce to the overseers in the local congregation of Jehovah?s Witnesses. What if that person were later to decide to take another mate? The congregation would not act to remove him as an adulterer if he provided the congregation with a written statement containing a vow of faithfulness to the present mate and an agreement to obtain a legal marriage certificate if the former marriage should be dissolved either legally or by death. Nevertheless, the individual would have to face whatever consequences might result as far as the world outside the congregation is concerned. For the world does not generally recognize that God?s law is superior to human laws and that human laws have only relative authority.?Compare Acts 5:29.

***

w77 3/15 pp. 182-184 Maintaining Marriage in Honor Before God and Men ***

WHERE

CAESAR?S RECOGNITION IS UNAVAILABLE

24

Understanding the relative nature of Caesar?s authority regarding marriage is here helpful. Take, for example, those areas where, either because of the dominance of some religion or for other reasons, the law does not allow for any divorce, not even on the Scriptural grounds of "fornication" (por·nei´a). A man whose wife proved unfaithful to him might have left her and thereafter formed a union with another mate, by whom he may even have a family. He may then learn the truth of God?s Word and, in obedience to that Word, desire to be baptized as a disciple of God?s Son. Because the national law does not agree with God?s law regarding divorce and remarriage, he cannot obtain a divorce and legalize his present union. What can he do?

25

If his circumstances permit, he might go to a neighboring land that does grant divorce and obtain such there and then remarry under the laws of that land. This might serve to add some honor to his union, although upon returning to his homeland the marriage might not be recognized by the "Caesar" ruling there. If he cannot reasonably do this, he should get a legal separation from his estranged, legal mate, or whatever the local law makes possible. Thereafter he should make a written statement to the local congregation pledging faithfulness to his present mate and declaring his agreement to obtain a legal marriage certificate if the estranged legal wife should die or if other circumstances should make possible the obtaining of such registration. If his present mate likewise seeks baptism, she would also make such a signed statement.

26

In one South American country, although the law provides for annulment of marriage in cases of bigamy, applications for such annulment are often simply ignored by "Caesar." Consider, then, a man who, while already having a legal living wife, separates from her and marries another woman and falsely obtains a legal certification, thereby becoming bigamous. If, upon learning Bible truth, he seeks baptism, he may find that his efforts to straighten out the legal situation regarding his current marriage are frustrated by the lack of interest on the part of the civil authorities. If unable to do anything to elevate in honor his present union through Caesar?s courts or authorities, how could he proceed? He could sign a similar declaration pledging faithfulness and file this with the congregation. Then he could be accepted for baptism, as could his mate by doing the same.

27

In a certain west African country, it may take up to ten years to obtain a divorce. Would a person desirous of being baptized, but needing a divorce so as to establish legally his or her present marital union, be obliged to postpone baptism for such a period of years? It does not seem proper that the lack of Caesar?s legal recognition should block him from showing his faith in the sin-atoning power of Christ?s sacrifice by taking the vital step of baptism and thus gaining the privilege of an approved relationship with God. (Compare the apostle?s statement at Acts 11:17 as to humans? inability to "hinder" God in his approving of persons.) Bible examples indicate that unnecessary delay in taking the step of baptism is not advisable. (Acts 2:37-41; 8:34-38; 16:30-34; 22:16) Having initiated the legal process of divorce, such person would then provide the congregation with a statement pledging faithfulness, thereby establishing his determination to maintain his current union in honor while he continues to follow through on his efforts to gain as well the legal recognition that Caesar provides,

28

Persons may move to another country and while there they may learn the truth and wish to be baptized. In order to obtain legal recognition of their existing marital relationship, they may need first to obtain a divorce from a previous mate. It may be that the country to which they have moved has provisions for divorce but such provisions may not be available to them as foreigners. For example, many persons from other European countries have moved into Germany seeking employment. While Germany has provisions for divorce, these provisions do not embrace most noncitizens. In such cases, also, the individuals desiring to be baptized and seeking to establish the honorableness and permanence of their existing marital relationship would sign a declaration pledging faithfulness.

29

These same principles would apply for a baptized Christian who finds that "Caesar?s" laws would not grant him legal recognition in his exercise of God-given rights regarding divorce and remarriage. For example, in countries that do not recognize the God-given right to divorce an adulterous mate and remarry, an individual whose mate proves unfaithful (and from whom he therefore chooses to separate, not forgiving her) should submit the clear evidence of this infidelity to the elders of the congregation. Then, if at some future time he (or she) were to decide to take another mate, this could be done in an honorable way, the parties to the marriage signing statements pledging faithfulness and the determination to gain legal recognition whenever such should become feasible.

30

The signing of such a written statement pledging faithfulness is viewed by the congregation as a putting of oneself on record before God and man that the signer will be just as faithful to his or her existing marital relationship as he or she would be if the union were one validated by civil authorities. Such declaration is viewed as no less binding than one made before a marriage officer representing a "Caesar" government of the world. In reality, it is not the particular kind of document made but the fact that the individual makes the declaration before God that gives it its greatest weight and solemnity.

31

How might such a declaration be worded? It could contain a statement such as the following:

"I, ......., do here declare that I have accepted .......... as my mate in marital relationship; that I have done all within my ability to obtain legal recognition of this relationship by the proper public authorities and that it is because of having been unable to do so that I therefore make this declaration pledging faithfulness in this marital relationship. I recognize this relationship as a binding tie before Jehovah God and before all persons, to be held to and honored in full accord with the principles of God?s Word. I will continue to seek the means to obtain legal recognition of this relationship by the civil authorities and if at any future time a change in circumstances makes this possible I promise to legalize this union.

"Signed this .......... day of ........., 19..... Witnesses to my signing: ....................................."

32

As indicated above, this declaration should be signed by the one making the declaration and also by two others as witnesses, and the date should be noted thereon. It is advisable for copies of the statement pledging faithfulness to be kept by each of the persons involved and by the congregation with which they are associated, and one copy should be sent to the Branch office of the Watch Tower Society in that area. It would also be beneficial for an announcement to be made to the congregation that such a declaration has been made so that all will be aware of the conscientious steps that are being taken to uphold the honorableness of the marriage relationship.

33

Where the person is unable to gain "Caesar?s" recognition but takes the proper steps to establish his marriage with the congregation, he must realize that whatever consequences result to him as far as the world outside is concerned are his sole responsibility and must be faced by him. For example, if some legal issue, involving property or inheritance rights, arises due to an earlier marriage union, the individual cannot claim "Caesar?s" judicial protection as regards his new, unrecognized union.

belu

Yes the marriage was consumated. There is no adultery on my part. She decided she wanted a divorce or annulment for her own personnel reasons. She met another man and asked her congregation to be united with him. I am told she gave e-mails from me allowing this but I never wrote such e-mails...

blondie

belu, I would write to her congregation and try to track down what is happening. It is possible she lied to them. If you don't know which congregation then send your letter to the Branch Office in the Philippines.

PHILIPPINES, REPUBLIC OF

P. O. Box 2044, 1060 Manila

belu

I found out about this union by accident. I tried the reach her at her home phone but it was disconnect. I reach the kingdom Hall to try to get info about her. That is where they told me that she was in a new union. I spoke to an elder I had met there and he told me she gave them 2 e-mails (false documents in my opinion) and they approved the new union. I finally reached her on her cell phone. She lied to me about being in a new union, then I mentioned that I had spoken to an elder earlier and knew. I asked the elder to forward to me the e-mails she gave that permitted them to allow this new union. She and I are still legally married and I only gave her permission to seek an annulment and asked to stay single until the annulment is legal. Were they wrong in allowing this union?

XQsThaiPoes

I am not stiring the pot but this is sorta what I say in other threads. JWs and X-JWs denying the JWs make their own rules. Basically the local church is allowed to have bigamy, or sanctions adultry. Brothers in africa had to kick their other wives out in the street because the branch (with nudging from ny)decided multipule wives was unchristian. What when you write the branch they stone wall you. If more JWs knew about these fiefdoms called branches and how they basically are just vendors liscensed by the church most jws would be enraged that in one side of the globe you can have two wives illegally and on the other only one even if you were legally married to both of them. I am gladd the internet allows JWs to see how divided we are in real time. Instead of having the watchtower constantly hide it with advertising.

PurpleV

I am so sorry this happened to you. This is not a good thing. However maybe you should check the legal stuff about this before you worry about the Jehovah's Witnesses.

Are you still legally married? Are you still responsible financially for her? Get yourself straightened out legally, and make sure you're not liable for anything. Then you can worry about what her cult thinks about all of this.

Hang in there.

((Hugs))

Valis

See this whole thread just proves Russian mail order chicks rock!!!!

Sincerely,

District overbeer

unbeliever

belu,

Be glad your rid of her. With an annullment she cannot come after any of your assets and you will not be forced to support her. It's like the marriage never existed.

wife given permission new union with lover without husband's permission

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