Before I went through my journal, I didn't remember my last meeting. I didn't even know it was my last meeting.
For the previous year or two before I turned 18, I had begun to notice that I was incredibly unhappy. I had also found the root of my unhappiness - the control of the WT Society. It controlled my mother and my father. It caused them to become mean, cruel, and controlling people. I was sick of being a JW, and I wanted it to end.
Me and my dad were studying with an elder. After the elder came back from a holiday to Florida, the studies were discontinued. I have no clue why. My mother decided that it would be better for me to study with someone closer to my age, and this flat head dick named Marek entered the picture.
I didn't have any friends in the cong for quite a few years. Every friend I made ended up moving away. At the KH, I'd show up before the meeting, stand at the back of the hall, and nobody would talk to me. My mother introduced Marek to me, and I hated him from that day on. My mother had told him I liked video games, and so did Marek! He tried to make conversation with me, "What kind of video games do you like?" I told him I rarely played video games (which is true) just to get this guy off my ass.
This was around the time I turned 18. I figured that when I turned 18, my parents would finally let me make my own decisions. I was wrong. They continued to "encourage" me, so I began to rebel.
Eventually, my mother arranged Marek to study the Watchtower with me. I was depressed, angry, and I hated Marek. I still couldn't get over how flat his head was! I swear the doctor must have dropped him after he came out of the womb. Anyway, the studies were terrible. Marek would make shitty jokes that I wouldn't laugh at.
I loved it when Marek had to study in my bedroom because the kitchen was in use for something else. I knew Marek was allergic to cats, and I had a beautiful long-haired male cat. I purposely didn't vacuum for a week or two. Anyway, we went up to my room to study. I quickly sensed Marek's nervousness in my room. A girl I dated had given me a Led Zeppelin flag for Christmas, and I hung it on my wall. Marek had told me that Jimmy Page sold his soul to the devil to become world's best guitar player. Anyway, we continued the study, and the members of Led Zeppelin on the flag continued to stare at Marek with demon eyes.
Marek had started to do some heavy "encouraging". He told me to throw out all my Led Zeppelin albums, he would pick me up for meetings, and he forced me to sit with him by physically relocating my books to the seat beside him. I thought it was pretty funny when he waited outside the house to pick me up for the meeting while I had driven myself. He also "encouraged" me to comment at the Watchtower Study by picking out easy answers for me, and he would tell the WT conductor to look for my hand on this particular question. I was put on the spot, and I refused to comply. I never once raised my hand while he studied with me.
During my last meeting, I was on stage giving one of my super-fantastic talks in the TMS. As usual, after one of my talks, people would come over to say "That was a great talk". That was the only time people would talk to me. The night after, I went to my cousin's place and got shit-faced.
For some reason unknown to me after that meeting and that talk, my parents, Marek, and everyone else quit encouraging me. I had won my battle 6 months after I turned 18. No more meetings, no more Service, nothing. I was never baptized, so no disfellowshipping.
The elders came to meet with me (because I was still an unbaptized publisher). One of the elders told me that I'd be toast at Armageddon. When they asked if I was going to continue in Jehovah's service, I told them "Not right now, I'm pretty busy". The other elder damn near cried. They were really good at making me feel like shit, but I didn't care. I didn't care if I hurt their feelings anymore, and I didn't care if I was toast at Armageddon. I was FREE!