Dearest chuckyy,
May you have peace.
The best way to deal with your anger is to confess it. Be open and honest with yourself and genuinely admit to yourself that you are still angry. Also admit to yourself that you are angry because you are hurt and one of the ways that you personally handle your pain is with anger. Being disfellowshipped and the way you are being treated by former members is not the only hurt you experience. There are also other things in your life that have hurt you deeply and such pain has caused you to 'lash out' on many occasions. you should take some time and look at these. These things are very hurtful to you and you would want to grieve, but your anger prevents you from grieving. you are a very hurt man and you don't like to be shunned. You hate being ignored and you 'desire' the love that your friends used to give you.. but because they have stopped and are now ignoring you.. you have been hurt very deeply and you miss them very much.
Don't hide these things from yourself but be honest to yourself about them. There is no reason to hide, we all feel this way. Some of us to not 'handle' it correctly and subsequently make matters worse for ourselves. I know you do not wish for this to happen to you, so it is best for you to look at yourself and learn to accept yourself for who you 'really' are. Men like to think they are strong and can handle many things.. but the truth is they are weak and sensitive. When you come to realize this, and understand that you DO in fact... HAVE feelings.. and that your feelings DO in fact... get HURT.. and that you do in fact... want kindness.. you will grow and become a stronger person. Don't think that you can 'shake' this off and 'toughen it out' as many will tell you because this is a 'healing' time for you. If you desire to be healed, you must look at your pain. When you begin to 'accept' yourself, you can then learn to 'accept' others.. even those who shunned you. This will not happen for you overnight.. but it will happen for you if you allow it to and you want it to. Then, as you grow you will have more meaningful relationships and your happiness will be greatly increased. You must be patient with yourself and don't immediately seek better relationships now. Look at your pain first and these things. Then, as you get better, you will be able to 'handle' better relationships.
