My irrational fears when I was a JW

by Jez 16 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Jez

  My mind is healing. I know this because I am remembering things that I use to fear. Here are some examples of irrational fears that I had:

  In the great tribulation, my kids would be taken away from me and I would have to give my life for theirs, or they would be killed before the new system.

  I would not make it through Armageddon, all my 'sins' would come back to haunt me.

  I use to lie in bed at night and break out in a sweat, thinking about living forever, and ever, and ever and ever and ever, no end, forever and ever.....use to make me sick. I did not want it, but I was suppose to want it.

  I would be out of town when the new system came and I would not be with my kids when it arrived and would not know if they made it through ok or not.

  I would see my dead df'ed sister's body after Armageddon and Jehovah would make me clean her up.

  What were some of your fears?
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  Brummie

  Jez, sorry these thoughts troubled you in the past, I think only those who have been in doomsday cults like us will truely understand the depth of them.

  When I was very young I used to have horrible thoughts of fire springing up from the earth and seperating me from people I cared about. They would be one side of the fire and I would be the other, neither could reach the other side. Weird huh! But not unlike images we used to see in the WT.

  Then I had dreams of my sister banging on our door to try and get in while armaggedon was going on outside. We could never open the door! This used to wake me up in a sweat. Geeesh, its amazing how we always see these horrific images rather than seeing pola bears and paradise! I'm glad my kids wont be influenced by the WT images like we were as youngsters.

  Take care

  Brummie
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  what_Truth?

  It's no different in other churches though. Dante's famous acid trip had a VERY vivid imagination of Hell but no concept of Heaven. I have gone to other churches and heard very definate descriptions of the fire and brimstone but only abstract concepts of what heaven is like.
  
  I think that's because churches usually take people in at their lowest moments. Usually someone joins a faith when their loved ones have died, they're addicted to drugs, just broke up with someone, etc. They feel inpsired by hope, any kind of hope really, but once that infatuation has died the church needs another way to keep them. Fear works nicely.
  
  Also, people naturally respond to threats more than oportunity. Do you leave your door open hoping that someone will come inside and leave you a new TV? No, you lock it so that people don't take the one you already have. By the same token, Christians don't preach to bring souls to God, they preach to save them from a firey eternal torment.
  
  Finally, such doom and gloom posturing foster's the all important "us vs. them" mentality in the congregation that keeps everyone compliant. Sure, Jones, the non beleiver down the road, has a lot of money, a big fancy car, and seems to have a happy life, but he's gonna burn in hell and I'm not. HA! Praise the Lord!! The church usues hellfire preaching to feed off of people's natural jealousy and strnghten their ranks.
  
  It's strange, and seems self defeating, that a church would use the negative traits (fear and envy) to try and inspire good works.
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  jeanniebeanz

  Hi, Jez.

  I used to have some pretty vivid nightmares when I was a member as well. Sometimes they involved my children, and others I would dream that my ex had killed me and thrown me over a cliff.

  Now I have a nightmare occasionally that the elders come into my home and force me back into a KH... It is really weird how they are able to get at us on such a subconscious level, and stay there for years. Fortunately, the dreams have lessened over time, but every once in a while I'll still have a doozie!

  J
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  Sunspot

  I think the worst of it hit me during the time of the situations in Africa a number of years ago. We heard THE most horrendous stories of fellow "brothers and sisters" being tied to trees and had the equivalent of itching powder poured on them, or tied over red ant hills, etc.

  Another story we were told made me upset too, where the local gov't officials would force feed laxatives to the JWs and ,make them walk naked through the streets. Entire families. I was so afraid when the "nations" turned on God's people that this would be a common event worldwide. These things terrified me. Seeing my kids undergoing this kind of thing, etc.

  I've pretty well gotten over those dreams/thoughts, but I STILL have the same type of dream about twice a week lately-----that I suddenly find myself at a meeting-usualy the bookstudy-and wonder how I got there. I never have a book and I feel foolish. I want to scream at everyone there about what a fraud the WTS is, and so forth.

  Not exactly horrible nightmares---but close enough!
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  AshtonCA

  I guess mine was always the thought that my mother, who was anointed, was going to leave her husband and 4 children behind and go to heaven and be without us forever and ever. What kind of cruel god would do that?

  I used to have nightmares about her dropping dead while we were in the middle of armageddon. I remember being told that during the tribulation, we were to go into our houses and shut the doors and block the windows and were were not to look out the windows until we were told it was safe to do so. Can you imagine being locked in a house with a mother you knew was going to drop dead on ya at any time?

  I used to ask my mom what were we supposed to do with her body once she died and she always said that we would have to go an bury it, so I always pictured myself in the back yard diggin' a hole and puttin her in it.

  Also, we were taught that once we could go out of the house, that there would be dead bodies everywhere from all the wicked who were killed and we'd have to bury them too.

  Man, soo much gloom and doom! My mom still tends to have a little of this in her beliefs now. It's hard to think about sometimes. I think that's why it is so hard for me to read Revelations. I get an eery feeling everytime I do.
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  tenrats

  How about as a child I knew if I cut myself badly that I better not loose to much blood as I wasnt going to get a blood transfusion and was going to die. Nosebleeds scared me big time.
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  frankiespeakin

  Has anyone ever kept a journal of dreams I here that this is good for getting in touch with your inner self. The sybolism the unconscious uses I think there are some very good book by Jung and other about interpretation but it all boils down to what you think the dreams are telling you?? Some keep a journal and the unconscious starts to use dreams more and more for their good.
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  Scully

  As a child, I think my worst fear was ending up with a devastating illness or in a horrible accident where I might need blood, knowing that my parents would allow me to die.

  As an adult, and having been on the receiving end of so much JW Love? that I was ready to commit suicide, my biggest fear was that if I managed to survive Armageddon?, those same Spiritual? holier-than-thou JW @$$holes who made my life miserable would still be there.

  As a parent, it was worrying that one of my kids might end up sick or in an accident where they might need blood, and that I wouldn't be able to let them die. That just proved to me how little Faith? I had.

  As a teenager, about to embark on high school for the first time, I spent the last month of summer holidays in anguish, after being convinced by JWs that all the high school kids were doing drugs and having sex and that those things would be forced on me if I got too close to Worldly? kids.
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  AshtonCA

  How about as a child I knew if I cut myself badly that I better not loose to much blood as I wasnt going to get a blood transfusion and was going to die. Nosebleeds scared me big time.

  Yes, the blood issue was probably the biggest single impact in my life, but I didn't have to deal with it until I was 18 when I was rushed to the bloodless Clinic in L.A. for a softball sized cyst on my right ovary. I lost a lot of blood the whole week prior to the surgery. That clinic was a lifesaver for sure, and the place was filled with other JW's in need of lifesaving surgery.

  The only thing I can say about not being able to take blood was that I didn't have to deal with tainted blood, and my surgery was right when AIDS first surfaced. I would take it now, I think, however. The screening process is much better now, and I would imagine that cases of AIDS from transfusions has got to be mostly nil.

  Ash