Were You Really That Much Harmed Because You Were A Witness?
by minimus 39 Replies latest jw friends
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BLISSISIGNORANCE
When my child was sexually abused by a jw, ignored by the elders, shunned by the pedo's family and friends.......................that hurt me more than anything the borg did to me (and believe me, they did plenty).
So did being a witness harm me?????????? YES, because it harmed the ones I love deeply and tried to keep safe and innocent.
Cheers Bliss (.............for ALL sexually abused children)
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rwagoner
I didn't suffer the pain or abuse that many did but I still feel harmed to a certain extent.
Others have mentioned and I totally agree that growing up worried that you would be killed if you didn't comment at book study enough or get your field service hours in...that was harmful.
Having a wonderful family who then shunned me for several years when I DA'd. They later were told by a CO that since I was their son they could associate but just not discuss spiritual matters which then allowed 12+ years of contact only to be destroyed by the recent new light which told them I must be shunned again. It was a blast trying t oexplain to my sweet boy who was 5 at the time that daddy can't visit nanny and poppa anymore...no daddy can't talk to nanny on the phone. I have since adopted the attitude of screw them...it is their rules not mine..so I go to their house and call them all the time and can only hope it makes them uncomfortable. Especially like telling them hot news that they don't know yet ! LOL
Having my parents tell me that they could not listen to the facts I had for them because if they left the org now they would lose everything. Everything ? They have a son, daughter in law and two increadible grandchildren who visited them several times a week...they rarely attend meetings (use a phone hook up because of my mom's disability), no field service, dad is not an elder any more ( because of me), they rarely are visited by FS groups who need a place to pee....but losing them was worse to my parents than losing their own family.....even though they know in their hearts it is not the truth... THAT is hurtful.
Its funny...I was in for 20+ years and out now for over 14 years and I feel fairly "over it" most of the time and then I read what my parents said to me on a post like this and just want to cry. I know they love me, but how could they choose that over me and their grandchildren ? I will never understand how you can turn your back on your family.
RGW
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diamondblue1974
The list is endless and because i am now a positive person i dont tend to dwell on them; but this summarises them generally.
1) Being forced to consider my own mortality from early age.
2) As a child being prevented from socialising with people of my own age and intellect because they were not JW's and ridiculed because of it.
3) Being prevented from pursuing my chosen education because i was guilt tripped into viewing the world through short term eyes.
4) Being oppressed by the beliefs and teachings of clearly misguided people.
5) By being shunned even though not DFd or DAd.
6) By being forced from an early age to accept the heavy indoctrination and beliefs that even today still rear its ugly head every now and again even though i am free and have been for a decade.
7) The flashbacks of physical abuse I suffered but didnt report because i didnt want to give a bad witness.
Need i go on...???
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prophecor
How do you keep the music playing, minimus?
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DazedAndConfused
I hope this comes out right, I am working in WordPad.
1.) Was not able to celebrate holidays = Ostracism in school.
2.) Had to wear skirts in school = Ostracism in school. Could not wear pants in school. According to "THE" elder in my congregation we could not. He stated that "We should not be the first to embrace a "fad" nor should we be the last. (WTF!!!)
3.) Was encouraged many times by my student counselor to strive for college because I was intelligent enough. = According to JW "law" this was not allowed.
4.) Could not go out for most, if not all, extra-murial activities because I was a JW. (Ostracism in school.) I was asked to be in every sport there was in school. = Ostracism in school.
5.) Had to live with many hours of adults stating their views on what we would go through (persecution) before the "end would come". This created many nightmares about the horrors that would be inflicted upon us. ie. cages strapped to our heads with rats inside that would eat at us.
6.) Getting baptised at 15 because it was expected, despite the fact I had no idea what I was signing up for. I only got baptised for 2 reasons:
1.) Because 1975 was coming up. (I was baptised late 1974)
2.) I was repeatedly told I had to be baptised to get a good society man. (I married at 17 to a man who was abusive and no one listened or helped me. The man now is a servant and has been asked to be an elder.)
Then disfellowshipped and losing my family. This has since changed. This however did not change the hurt inflicted for years earlier.
7.) Alcoholism to "self medicate." Contrary to many people's ideas that alcoholism is just an inherited disease...many who go through traumatic experiences WILL self-medicate to cover hurts.
8.) Having to be singled out by being sent to the Principals office while any holiday celebration is being observed. = Ostracism in school.
Don't get me wrong, these things DID make be a stronger person. But does it HAVE to take adversity to make you good? Could I have been a better person if I was allowed to do the things the society did not/does not allow? I cannot be sorry that they happened because it is part of what made me the way I am today. But...I can say that because I do not know who I would have been without the controlling attitude of the society and the way my parents adhered to what they mandated.
I could go on but time and space are a factor.
Valis, I do not understand why you stated what you did earlier...
"
minimus is running out of questions.........................again.".
What was the point?
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mama
the only positive i can think of right now is i probably was kept out of a lot of trouble as a teen. On the other hand, i too couldn't go to university even though i was offered a scholarship to art school. My parents made it very clear, no way, no how. Some might say you could have gone, but that would have taken strength and self-belief, things i was not taught as a witness child.The most harmful thing to me, is the effect leaving the borg has had on my relationship with my family, when my mom looked at me and said " i hope your happy when your children die at armagedon" that was very hurtful and mean. Our relationship is much more distant than it ever was. I have suffered at the hands of the org. and would never thank them for anything but at the same time, there are ppl who have had much worse upbringings than mine and i know this. I am just happy to be free and count myself lucky to have had my eyes opened before most of my life pasted me by. I am a much stronger person, not for being brought up as a witness, but for having the courage to leave it.
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minimus
D&C, many of us did get stronger because of facing adverserties intiated because we were Witnesses.......Regarding Valis, I was wondering the same thing too.
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chappy
I don't understand how anyone, especially after listening to stories like Orangefatcats couldn't feel empathy toward such suffering. I've shared stories like these with witness aquaintences as well as JW family. They always take up for the organization, saying that the individual must have been spiritually weak and deserving of such treatment. Sick.
chappy
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Check_Your_Premises
When my child was sexually abused by a jw
Did you call the police?