Well I did it. I went to my first JW meeting, there were actually two but I only stayed for the first one. It was actually kind of fun. There was role play and that was funny, everyone was laughing and people were soooooo nice in fact most new who I was already. Which after viewing this site made the little signs of caution flash in front of me. I did think it was interesting, I was not bored at all. And I have been reading all the posts and posting somewhat but I'm still enjoying my studying. And believe me if you all new me you would think that is amazing, I fit the profile of someone they would disfellowship upon site. But for some reason I'm enjoying my time, but I don't know if it more an interest rather then something I plan on making a life commitment. One thing is hard, the lady I study with is really nice and I would feel bad if I decided to just stop studying. Has anyone else experienced this? How do you handle it, I work with her and have met her family and they have all been so great. Oh well so I'm at this crossroad and I plan on staying put unitl I know for sure which direction to take.
First Meeting
by tattoogrl333 11 Replies latest jw experiences
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Introspection
Tattoo, it's good that you're considering things carefully. I think this boils down to one simple thing: The people may be nice, (believe me, we've all been there) but you're talking about joining a religion. It isn't just a matter of getting along with people. There would be no problem for you to keep studying, but that doesn't mean you'd have to do anything you don't want to do or believe anything you don't think is reasonable. Key doctrinal issues regarding Jehovah's Witnesses' beliefs are discussed here on a regular basis, most of it in the Main board. Consider what people have to say on these issues.
"It is not so much that you use your mind wrongly--you usually don't use it at all. It uses you. This is the disease." -Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
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ianao
My older sister had a similar experience, but with an elderly witness couple coming into her home and studying with her from time to time. They all got along very well until my sister told them that she didn't really care about the religion but thought they were the best friends she had (they used to laugh and joke with each other often).
Now the JW couple won't have anything to do with her. My sister knows nothing of WT or coverups or anything. She just said she liked them as friends and didn't want to read a 'bible stuff' all of the time. She told me that she was under the impression that they were just two friendly people and couldn't understand why they avoid her. I had to clue her in that they were actually trying to convert her to their religion.
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jayhawk1
I would never tell anybody what to do. My thoughts are as follows. I felt guilty about stopping my study too. I had thought about quitting many times, but I didn't. I got baptised, and was regular to the meetings. I had a few friends, not many. Then my beard started being a problem. Next other little nagging things were. I just couldn't confrom to their standards. Now I will never go again. Also, now that I don't go anymore, they are no longer my friends. Bottom line, as long as you go to the meetings, you will have friends. If you stop going, they stop being friends to you. It is a lonely world inside the Kingdom Hall. Now the Elders said don't go because you want friends, go because you love Jehovah. I agree with that, but if there was a new system like they talk of, who would be my friends. Friendship is not conditional.
My advice is don't commit to them unless you really want to be there through thick and thin. It is better to leave as a bible study than to leave as a baptised person."Hand me that whiskey, I need to consult the spirit."-J.F. Rutherford
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outnfree
Tattoogrl,
Doesn't it seem rather strange to you upon reflection that "most [people]knew who you were already"? Why? First of all, you were a visitor. But secondly, your bible study conductor has been talking about you in field service, discussing your progress, telling her friends that you were going to be coming to the meeting perhaps.
Discussing your progress? Yes, your progress towards baptism. And all witnesses are encouraged to encourage their Bible studies to begin meeting attendance as soon as possible, the better to -- love bomb -- oh, no, er, the better to further your progress in learning about Jehovah and His Organization.And yes, the sister will drop you like a hot potato when and if you make it clear to her that you have no intention of converting. She may try back a few times to test your resolve, but once you're firm, she'll be history. Her "friendship" is based on principled love for mankind who still find themselves outside in the world. She, herself, cannot remain there associating with you. So she will be gone from your life (although pleasant to you if you should run into one another in the grocery store).
BTW, the meeting you describe is the Theocratic Ministry School, which definitely is the liveliest of all 5 meetings held weekly.
Unless the Bible reader stutters, the talkers are bores and the sisters are nervous -- then it's just painful!Tread carefully, sweetie!
outnfree
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fodeja
Hi tattoogirl,
One thing is hard, the lady I study with is really nice and I would feel bad if I decided to just stop studying. Has anyone else experienced this? How do you handle it, I work with her and have met her family and they have all been so great.
Been there, done that.
First of all, I believe that the lady is a genuinely nice person. But, as others here have pointed out: you aren't just meeting new friends. You are in the process of being converted. As you should know by now, recruiting new members is pivotal for the faith of the JWs. It's what keeps them going, it's why they spend hours and hours of trotting along the streets and knocking doors. Success is very rare, and even if bible studies are started, many do not result in baptism. These people _want_ you to join their religion, very much so. They are supposed to "save you", but on the other hand they are also trying to save themselves, because every single converted person reaffirms their way of life. They need you - not as a person, but as a Witness.
In a sense, they're trying to "score", just like a guy who's trying to impress a girl, showing all his best sides, dressing nicely, wining and dining her...if you excuse the analogy, but it's basically the same thing. It may be flattering and very exciting at first. It may look like you've found Mr. Right.
However, if you read the experiences of many people here, you'll notice a certain pattern: when courtship, wedding night and honeymoon are over, Prince Watchtower Charming tends to turn into a fat, unshaved couch potato who's spending most of his days in dirty underwear, slouching in front the TV, yelling at you to drive to the supermarket for another crate of beer and a couple of family-size bags of those cheese-flavoured taco chips and, goddammit, while you're at it, make the darn kids shut up, and take out the trash - now! And don't you ever think of talking back, or even leaving!
If that doesn't sound like the kind of life you've been dreaming of: take it slow. Watch your step. Not all that glitters is gold. Don't let these people make you feel guilty, ever - because that is the god-given, exclusive privilege of your parents
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Grunt
Hi Tatoogirl,
Assuming this is an honest and sincere post on your part I would have to say:
If you like being a second class citizen, a third class Christian and being judged harshly for your tatoos, or ear rings for that matter then this is the group for you. If you like plastic friends that will only be your friend as long as you are a "Friend" then this group is it for you. If you can turn your back on your brothers, sisters, friends and the society in which you live, then join up. If you can respond as my sister-in-law once responded when told her DF'd brother and his wife'd had a child, "I hope one day that will mean something to me." If you can put on a face of steel when you see a parent who is no longer a Witness or put some ice in your voice as you say, "Don't call me anymore, you weaken my faith." to your mom or dad, then you are a natural for this bunch. As for worrying about hurting the woman's feelings by stopping the study, don't worry, she will be viewing you as goat anyway. Goats don't count, they are just "worldlings" the attitude is the same whether they use the term anymore or not. Even if you get baptized and then just don't go in service much or miss a few meetings she will shy away from you as being "bad association." Ask the lady you study with if she would come to your funeral if you died and your parents were having the service in a church. Ask if she would go to her brother, sister, father, or mother's if it were in a church. That usually clarifies things pretty well. If she says she would then by all means study, as you might bring this one out. -
DrunkWithLiberty
Tattoogirl,
the meeting you must have went to was the theocrtic ministry school. the role playing you mention was probably the sisters talk. Has your study conductor mentioned why the sisters have this type of platform rather than speaking directly to the congregation like the majority of other talks are given (only men)? It is because women are not allowed to directly teach any man (or at least baptised guys). Women are to be in subjection to all males. this even includes older women. I remeber one field service meeting which had only sisters attending except a 12 year old brother who had just recently been baptised. The sisters did not want to put a scarf on their heads to lead the service meeting ( this is supposed to show that the woman who is taking the lead is aware of her place as a woman in the presence of a baptised male) so the 13 year old led the group of women. How empowering is that. While I was a witness, I felt like a subhuman because I had to be in subjection to every male due to the simple fact of my gender.
I hope you keep coming here and keep your mind open.
take care and enjoy yur freedom,
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Briand
Doesn't it seem rather strange to you upon reflection that "most [people]knew who you were already"? Why? First of all, you were a visitor. But secondly, your bible study conductor has been talking about you in field service, discussing your progress, telling her friends that you were going to be coming to the meeting perhaps.
Discussing your progress? Yes, your progress towards baptism. And all witnesses are encouraged to encourage their Bible studies to begin meeting attendance as soon as possible, the better to -- love bomb -- oh, no, er, the better to further your progress in learning about Jehovah and His Organization.Now that hit it on the head, almost every religious service I have ever been part of I felt watched. In my old faith tradition I was being watched, just like everyone else, making sure we toed the party line. I mean we folks lived together, did everything together, it was nice for awhile but you put yourself under the whims of other people. Most of the time these folks could care less if they totally devastate your life. I mean being someone's friend to try to convert them, but not just being their friend as a human being.
We had schedules we had to follow. If a person was not "born again" (tm) at a certain time we were to move on to better ground. Families were chucked at the whim of an elder or bible study leader. But if you were sick or needed money or needed help the "sorry we're closed" sign was hung out toot sweet. I mean lives were just trashed and no guilt was ever felt. You are correct that there is such a utilitarian view of the person. What role will they fill, the "saved" role, the "erring" brother role, the "humble" bible study leader role, the "elder"role and so on. Our group was much like the JW's with all their end time scenarios. The "88 Reasons Jesus will come in 88" then the sequel " The 89 Reasons Jesus will Come in 89". The "Left Behind" series is real big with these folks. One thing that is truly striking is how easily people are blown off, I found it hard to realize that half the singles group got canned with out even a peep.
Friendships and deep relationships, or so I thought, were just tossed with out even a thought. Funny how the "world" is more dedicated to folks then some of the "true believers". Funny I still love the people I went to church with deeply, and at times have gotten back involved in their lives, especially when they needed help. I find it sad thought the wasted lives.
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larc
Briand,
I welcomed you on another thread, but I have to say welcome again. I just read you last post and to realize that other groups were so much like ours is, well, I don't know .... scary I guess. Just recently an xMorman posted here and remarked on the sticking similiarities.
Welcome brother.