thanks for your kind words, people!
ozzie: well, i'm not a good writer at all and i'm still a little paranoid about giving away too much information.
it's a long story, but basically, i spent all my jw life 'on the run'. many jws are on guilt trips, but mine was the worst you could imagine. in my first 2 congregations i was marked for 'wrongdoing' that was NOTHING compared to the things other 'brothers' did. but i was naive enough to report it dutifully to the elders each and every time. you can't believe just HOW guiltridden my existence was. whenever i felt some brothers weren't acting like true christians, i quickly pushed the thought aside and blamed myself for being judgmental. everything, absolutely everything was my very own fault, and it seemed to be impossible to live up to the standards. of course, i tried (quite sucessfully) to keep a happy facade and told everyone how great living in the truth is. i think i did that to persuade myself that is really is the truth, and that i _should_ be happy. i moved from congregation to congregation (with all sorts of excuses like finding a better job there, but in reality it was about the congregations), but things didn't become better. i always had the feeling of being a 'black sheep', even if it was just for the reason that i didn't feel as happy as i should! the pressure was unbelievable. with time, i learned that i'm not the only one feeling that way...and then came the internet...and then the dam broke. it was a painful experience but once i had broken free from the org, i felt GREAT. still do. it's as if someone took a huge sack full of stones from my back. unfortunately i have to keep a low profile because, as i said before, some of my family are still in. but that's just a minor inconvenience compared to my active jw days.
norm
