The New Light that burned me

by czarofmischief 31 Replies latest jw experiences

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  czarofmischief

  I was reading the 1975 thread, and considered posting on it, but since I wasn't born until the Carter administration, I don't think I really can comment on it. I can sympathize, however.

  You see, I was raised in the truth. Rarely missed a meeting. Had the whole front row in our congregation practically reserved for our family, since we obeyed the Society's instructions not to sit in the back and thus be distracted by other attendees. Besides, my dad gave so many talks it saved on shoe leather, walking up and down from the stage.

  We had this CO who would come and hold up a huge poster, detailing the 1914 doctrine, how many people were left, etc. It was a huge deal, and was a bigger centerpiece of my faith than I realized.

  I just kept gritting my teeth, working hard, enduring to the end. And then they pulled the rug out. In 1995 they suddenly reversed themselves about the "generation" doctrine. Then the agonized wave of understanding began to wash over me. I had been duped! While I might be able to drown myself in the busy work of the borg from then on, I would never again have the innocent, trusting joy of being a Jehovah's Witness.

  Looking back, even as a youngster, my instincts were telling me that this was not the truth. I hated going to meetings, I hated being different, I wanted to play sports, be normal, etc. I was tired of being threatened, I was tired of being afraid. I would suddenly get these waves of ideas, like, "What if this isn't the truth?" I remember being about eight and in elementary school when the idea that maybe I was wasting my life occurred to me. It was a real shock, a frightening event! Adrenalin rushed through me.

  But to have all those doubts confirmed? At once? In one fell swoop, to suddenly realize that your parents, your teachers, your role models... all were lying to you and possibly to themselves? Oh, I managed to swallow the agony and keep my head down for the next five years, but the earth had moved under me, and I never regained the conviction that I once had.

  I just wish I had listened to those instincts sooner. Hopefully, I can catch up on some of those missed opportunities...

  But I have a good life now, I want that clear. I am very happy and productive, etc. Just still a little nauseous over the betrayal.

  So, I can sympathize with you 75'ers to a degree. I was expecting the end, too.

  CZAR
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  Robdar

  I would suddenly get these waves of ideas, like, "What if this isn't the truth?" I remember being about eight and in elementary school when the idea that maybe I was wasting my life occurred to me. It was a real shock, a frightening event! Adrenalin rushed through me.

  Czar, I had thoughts like that too. I remember when I was 8, I really upset my parents by asking "how did we know, for sure, that we had the truth and they (worldly people) didn't?" Heh, I got my ass beat for that one.

  Although you didn't come along until after 1975 it looks like the WTS still got a chance to terrorize you too.

  Here's to seeing through all their BS and lies!

  *clink*
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  Jez

  Me too. I remember looking around at everyone in the KH when the WT said that the generation of 1914 was not referring to a specific time period, rather an generation of people blah blah blah..I sat there thinking, "Why am I the only one that feels like puking?" It hit me so hard, yet it was like the WBTS was holding up their hands saying, "Wha Wha??? No big deal, no big whoppie!??!! Wha..it don't change a thing, just keep plowing ahead, the end WILL come, that is a fact...." THEY made ME feel like I was the weak one for being so shocked. I was sick with dread over the potential that it might NOT come AND for the first time, that the WT.....gasp......could be wrong....

  Jez
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  dostprefer

  "Wondering if it was the truth" Well kids are entitled to choose. As adults we are compelled to. But it's not good to subscribe to the mythology of 'missed opportunities'

  We may dress up our declarations of 'freedom', stand up in the forum and others may declaim "a God's voice, not a man's" Such displays of independence and self congratulation don't last for long. Herod (Acts 12) tried this and was immediately eaten up with worms. Not the best option. . It's hard for us to be truthful about ourselves, but it is possible and isn't it less painful to be worm free?
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  czarofmischief

  Not the best option. . It's hard for us to be truthful about ourselves, but it is possible and isn't it less painful to be worm free?

  Not sure I get your point, there, buddy. But since the historical basis for that story is probably related to the fate of Sulla the Roman general, I'm not too worried about the worms.

  Your point being?

  CZAR
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  jgnat

  Questions for dostprefer.

  It's not good to subscribe to the mythology of 'missed opportunities'.

  1. Oh, I think the missed opportunities were real. Are you suggesting they weren't?

  2. Why is 'freedom' separated by quotes? Do you believe that freedom is possible for humans?

  stand up in the forum and others may declaim "a God's voice, not a man's"

  3. Are you suggesting by doubting the society, that people here on the forum are claiming they are speaking for God? My take is that they are speaking for themselves, not taking any greater power for themselves than plain hummanness. The big wake-up I believe, is that they realized they had been worshipping other plain humans, not gods.

  It's hard for us to be truthful about ourselves, but it is possible and isn't it less painful to be worm free?

  4. Are you suggesting that these revelations about the organizations weakness, means these people are not being honest with themselves? Do you continue to claim that the society is the only way to avoid worms?
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  czarofmischief

  Here's to seeing through all their BS and lies!

  *clink*

  I'll drink to that!

  CZAR
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  czarofmischief

  THEY made ME feel like I was the weak one for being so shocked

  I KNOW! That was the worst part. Oh, I lack the faith to accept their direction... meanwhile I'm skipping the prom, not having any friends, wearing a bloody polyester firetrap of a suit four days a week, and being made to feel that college is the end of my spiritual life. How's THAT for faith?

  AND:

  Be damned, dostprefer! I just looked up your other posts and a got a good idea of what you are all about. Just going to troll around with us, for a while, huh? Slumming it a bit, eh? Little do you know you stand in the presence of your betters, your elders, and people far more spiritually advanced than any amount of that mollycoddling, patronizing, warty old whore you call "Mother Organzation".

  "YO MOMMA DID IT WITH THE U.N.!!!" For a fancy gift and a string of pearls, and a chance to feel like all the other old religions on the block. Which makes you the spiritual SON of a whore! She did it with an organization she said she despised... and claimed that God despised... all for a library card, she says, or for something a little richer - the promise of success in the NWO??? Who knows.

  CZAR
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  Leolaia

  
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  BluesBrother

  I Could not have expressed as well , your last post, czar... 1914 generation abandonment was just one of many nails in the coffin of what I thought was "Spirituality" . At least we woke up, some still can't see that "The King has no new clothes on"