Elder's Daughter

Daisymay

Greetings and Salutations! I've commented a couple times on this post and have hung around for a few weeks and thought I'd tell you a little about myself! BTW...I think this site is awesome and totally therapetic! Anyway, I was raised in the "truth", my mom married my dad at the ripe ole' age of 16 and had 3 kids by the time she was 22! My parents were married 10 years until my mom left my dad for mental abuse to her and physical abuse to my brother. My father was a control freak - he wouldn't let her get a GED or part-time job, etc. My mom was DF'ed for divorcing my dad for other than adulterous reasons. I was only in 3rd grade at the time, but I distinctly remember our "friends" and family shunning us, walking away from my mother, and looking the other way when we approached them. 6 months later, my father re-married a Witness who had 2 kids and gained custody of me, my bro, and sis. He eventually became an Elder who yielded his control expertly. He was very respected in the cong., very funny, and charismatic. At home it was a different story, my family covered up the physical abuse to my brother until one day when I had had enough. I wrote a very vivid letter to my mom describing the beating my bro. was receiving that very moment. My mom forwarded the letter to the cong. and our school. The brothers held a shepherding call at the house w/my dad and step-mom and the issue was blown off. They didn't even consider talking to any of us kids. The school held a mtg. w/my bro. and dad at which my dad started laughing at the insinuation of abuse, and the issue was dropped. The abuse let off a little after that. As I later learned in a Victomology class, the only way abuse can exist in a home is if everyone does their part to keep the secret. I told my father I didn't want to be a JW and he said I was making him look bad and wasn't being an obedient Elder's daughter - what would other's think after-all? I had a "wordly" b-friend at the time - any parent would have loved this guy! A friend of mine in the cong. and I agreed we would never get baptised since that would only lead to being DF'ed - we held up our deal - neither one of us ever got baptised - as you know a MAJOR accomplishment for any JW teen. My father died of cancer shortly after my 16th b-day. My bro, sis., and I moved to WI to live with my mother. The brothers made a visit to our house - the one and only - I told them thank you for the visit and if they ever contacted any one of us kids again my mom would never see us. My mom looked at me and walked them out the door. They never came back. I am so happy to read all of your stories - I feel like a part of a community. When I went to the assemblies and saw "apostates" with signs I would never look - I was so afraid, but now it's so different - it is like a veil has been lifted - and forever! I am also happy to say that I went on to graduate from college and am married to a great person!
Daisy

individuals wife

Hi Daisymay

I am so glad that everything is going so well for you, you really deserve a bit of happiness after all you have been through. Reading some of the posts here I am amazed at the strength and courage that many ex JWs have, I have such admiration for those like you who have suffered such adversity and still manage to come out the other side able to make a good life for themselves.

You are so right when you say it is like having a veil lifted - that is just how it felt for me when I left, it was as though I had been in a dark room and suddenly someone put the light on! For me the attitudes of some of the elders contributed to my decision to leave, along with doctrine problems as well of course.

Anyway - good to have you here - it's a great place, so much help and support, this is where I come for my therapy!

jayhawk1

Hi Daisymay,
I am glad you decided to join us. My name is Jeremy, I live in Kansas. My dad died last year in a car wreck, so we have that in common. My dad was also a control freak, like yours. He was never baptised as a Jehovah's Witness, but he made me go there anyway. My mom left him and remarried just before he died. She left for similar reasons as did your mom. I was in the religion (cult) for 5 years before I got smart. I hope we can become friends! If you get the opportunity, read my post-leaving Jehovah's Witnesses. That way you will know more about me too.

"Hand me that whiskey, I need to consult the spirit."-J.F. Rutherford

Simon

That's a moving story dm - thanks for sharing it with us. I'm so glad everything kind of worked out in the end and you have a happy marriage!

think41self

Hi Daisy

Welcome to this board! I am so glad that you had the foresight to not be pressured into baptism...and the strength you showed as a young girl bringing attention to the abuse your brother was receiving...well, I am speechless with respect for you.

I am so glad that you are having a happy family life now. I will look forward to reading more of your posts, and look for me in the chat room sometime...we have a blast in there! (For some reason, whenever I'm in there, the talk is all about sex...I can't figure it out!)

Tracy

outnfree

Well, Tracy, it's all about your wicked apostate lovin' mind, that's what!

Ahem!

Welcome to the board DaisyMay!

Your story is inspiring! How brave you were to try to put an end to your brother's abuse. You don't really mention how difficult that must have been for you to endure. (I have a friend, daughter of an alcoholic who use to beat the living daylights out of her three brothers, but would never hit "the girl" -- she feels guilty to this day! Another form of abuse.)

When I read your subject line I thought to myself, "That's got to be a really difficult thing, being an elder's daughter." I know how tough it is for the sons of one of our local elders to always be held up as an example and having to tow such a straight and narrow line -- but it's gotta be worse for girls. At least the guys get to have privileges of service because of their good behavior -- which brings a bit of variety into their lives; using organizational skills, public prayer, being readers, heck! even handling mics is at least a break from sitting through meetings... But the daughters just get to be good and, what? pioneer? No matter what their gifts.

Well, glad that you're gone and happy to have you here among us.

I look forward to seeing more of your posts.

Daisymay

You guys have no idea what your responses mean to me! Growing up, although I had "wordly" friends at school, I never felt included or part of the group - I know you know what I mean, I always felt different. Your words are so uplifting! I feel like we've been through some type of spiritual abuse. Really, I don't know what kept me going when thoughts of running away and suicide were a reality - I guess I learned a lot from my mother - you know, not to let other people run your life - you can create your own reality. It was a sad time and outnfree - your right, I do feel guilty about what my dad did to my bro. My bro and I have talked about it many times and he knows how I feel and let's me know it's all in my head. I'm so glad we've got this forum - it is just what the dr. ordered - I look forward to seeing your responses everyday! Talk to you soon!
daisy

mommy

Daisymay,
Welcome! I love your name. I was raised by a Jw elder, I remember well, how we had to look good for him and his postion. Crazy stuff, the elders didn't talk to you kids about the abuse in your home. I myself, went through the same thing with the abuse. I went to the guidance counselor at school, they even had DPS come in, but nothing was ever done. It is a frustrating situation, I feel for you.

Welcome to the DB We always enjoy seeing newbies, and do please join us sometime in chat.
wendy

In a controversy the instant we feel anger, we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves.

Tina

Welcome daisy!!

Thanks for sharin your story with us. Looking forward to more! hugs,tina

Angharad

Hi Daisy

Welcome to the board

Elder's Daughter

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