Advice?

Ghosthunter

This is not JW related, but there's so many people on this board that give such excellent advice.

I divorced my first husband in 1989. He is the father of my two boys. I remarried at the end of 1990 and moved away from my home town. My ex has never EVER tried to contact me and my children have not talked to their 'biological' father in almost 15 years. The boys have never really talked about it much and their step-father has been very good to them. Treated them as his own and never resented that we could not have any children together.

A few days ago, I was looking for some paperwork and ran across my divorce decree. Have not looked at it in years. It made me start thinking about all the back child support this man owes me. Close to $60,000. I am having some financial troubles right now and this money would surely come in handy.

My dilemna: should I pursue trying to find my first husband? I have no clue where he might be and no one else seems to know either. I do know his SS# and can contact the child support division in our state to start the process.

If he's poor and destitute, I won't pursue it any further. However, what if he's sitting on a mountain of money???

My husband does not know I am thinking about this.

candidlynuts

well, in my opinion he owes his kids. however, seeking him out for back child support will bring him back into your kids lives and your own. is that something you want to happen?

Valis

http://www.michigan.gov/dhs/0,1607,7-124-5453_5528_6746---,00.html

Seeking Knowledge

If you instigate child support he may very well want to see them. Clearly he doesn't want that now, but he might and thats something you'd need to talk to your kids about. Could be they might want to know their dad, get some questions answered, etc. Regardless he owes it to them to support them and $60,000 would be a nice chunk for college. I've been toying with the same idea with my 16 year old. Her dad tucked tail & ran, he's never had anything to do with her, and I never chased him for my own selfish reasons. My attorney said child support would go back to birth on her. Just a thought. My only thing is I'm not real sure I want to be involved with him again, but she wants to know her father & ask some questions, and she's old enough to make that decision really...tough one!

Good luck

SK

Doubtfully Yours

Talk to your husband about it first. Then make a decision. Together.

DY

AlmostAtheist

Be sure you remember that $60,000 is only a number. What he would actually pay will be based on what he can pay, and what he's willing to pay. If you pursue it enough to find out that he can only give $100 a month (or $10, or nothing), you'll still open the door to bring him back into their lives.

Not necessarily a bad thing, but you defintely need to keep in mind that he's VERY unlikely to cut you a $60,000 check anytime soon.

Dave

Ghosthunter

Yep. That's the big issue. Do I want to see or talk to this man again? I've talked to the boys about it in the past. The older one remembers how bad it was when me and his dad were married. The younger one does not. I don't think my older son is interested in seeing his bio-dad, but I think the younger one is. I think he's just afraid of how my husband and I will react, even though we have both told him it was his decision. He has not yet done anything to pursue this.

We've been happy as a family, although the road has gotten a bit bumpy (with the boys) in the last few years. That's why I'm so afraid to throw this into the 'mix'.

Thanks for the comments. I surely appreciate them.

GH (Carol)

Ghosthunter

BTW, Valis, THANKS!

I am contemplating travelling down to Texas to meet Country Girl. We've been talking on the phone quite a bit and I'm all jealous that it's like SPRING down there!

Purza

I have a daughter who has not seen her father in at least 10 years (she is 15). She doesn't ask about him and he is not in our lives. He owes me a ton of money and if I thought he had any money I would most certainly seek to get what is rightfully due to my daughter. I have no feelings for her father one way or the other, but I believe if someone has a child then they should be required to help out financially (at a minimum). We don't NEED money from him, but it would be nice to have something from the father.

I agree with the other poster who said to talk it over with your husband.

But it were me. . . I would go for it. JMHO

Purza

Es

hello ghost hunter...

My advice get the ball rolling ring up the child support maintenance people (thats what its called in aussie) get them to track him down,they are able to access his income and then are able to work it out from there.

As soon as my hubby and I seperated I was encouraged to do that. I must admit my ex has been great in that respect and has never missed a payment although we are having a little trouble at the moment as he hasnt put his tax in for two years.

I dont know where I would be without that money it allows me to put my son in creche and extra curricular.

Your sons deserve it and so do you.

Hope all goes well

es

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