dh, I soooo understand your feelings. I too went through a lengthy period where the most vile of murderous hatred was felt towards a god or deity that was responsible for the worlds suffering
Yeah, it's not a big deal because honestly, I have thought those things since I was a kid. I don't really have vile murderous hatred for 'God' if there is one, I just think the whole speech of life is quite pointless, if there is a God and it does what it wants, well, I'm a man and I'll do what I want. If I get punished for that, well, I rather be punished for that than kiss ass and get rewarded for being an ass kisser!
I don't really know if I believe in God or not, I think it's a waste of energy to even think about it (or define it) because it's impossible to understand, and as I've said on here before, whatever I think God to be, is just a creation in my own head, if there is a God, no man has any idea what that God is, so I don't try to grasp it anymore because I can't.
All this being said, and to reitterate... To judge the actions of a being I don't need to define the being itself. I know that creating something just because you want to, is selfish, and to not give your best to your creation, is cruel, and to make it suffer, is immoral, and to kill it, is murder... Like a parent having a child and then tormenting it, IS immoral, any being that created all this junk and then let it suffer (made it suffer), is not deserving of love in my eyes, and if we as humans make it (find happiness), we should thank ourselves and our fellow men, not some spook in the sky.
Am I this suffering little entity lost in a world full of same? Is there a more significant actuality and reality? What is true? Who the fcuk am I, really?
I don't even give a shit about that anymore, I just want to live this life, try to be happy, and die, I don't want to live forever, I don't want to go to heaven, I don't want to go to hell either, but then I didn't ask for this life either... The way I see it (and have seen it since I was very young)... I never had a choice in any of it, it's like being raped. You are forced to live, forced to die, forced to heaven, forced to hell, forced to live forever... I think the stuff religions say is completely insane. Some of us were happy and content when we were nothing, and I think that is the main reason why I say creation was immoral, because it was not necessary but yet it still happened.
I was fine, happy, content... Then I woke up and I was a human on earth.
If everything happened by chance, then morality is not an issue... If it's the will of a being, then from day one, life itself is tainted.