Remembering growing up as a JDub hurts...

misspeaches

You know I've been fading for 18 months now. I come from a smallish city of about half a dozen congregations so just about everyone knows everyone so its not such an easy thing to do. Growing up as a JDub was so hard and awful. When I think of how socially stunted it made me it still upsets me. I began to stop being an active member of the congregation because I was tired of feeling like an outsider never part of the in crowd. I never seemed to manage to interact with people successfully. It didn't make it any easier that mum had an unbelieving husband and was trying to bring myself sister and brother along to meetings and raise as good Jdubs. Being the environment that it is with social standings etc we were never accepted. Not invited to parties and gatherings. Always being encouraged by mum to invite people to our place and eventually they would reciprocate. Theres so many little stories that I could compile altogether and it is such an unjust unloving organisation. I apologise for seeming all over the place but right now I feel so depressed. I stopped attending meetings etc when I was 27 and started rebelling in a big way. I wanted to experience everything that had ever been denied me. I wanted to have friends. I wanted to know what it was like to have a boy hold you hand... It was gradual but now I have some very good very close non conditional friends. I have a boyfriend. Who I love and adore. Who cries with me when sometimes I can't handle the memories of being a JW. Naturally someone has run to the elders about seeing me so they decide that its time for a sheperading call. It was a traumatising conversation but I stood firm and told them that wouldn't be necessary. I know I sound so depressed, but really I am not a depressive person naturally. Sometimes its just that the whole experience gets to overwhelming. In fact since washing my hands clean of them all I am the happiest I have been my whole life. And I am trying to get over all my social oddities. Only 6 months ago my boss hauled me into the office to tell me I have no idea how to deal with people. She told me I needed professional help to see how normal people interact. I tend to be very reactionary, a self defence mechnaism I developed over the years. A few weeks ago she apologised for that. She told me she didn't realise my background as a JW and said it wasn't my fault. I'm feeling sad tonight. And I'm sorry for unloading. I hope you all have a lovely weekend.

Cheers - Miss Peaches

under74

Yeah, I totally relate to what you're saying here. My family has been out for a while now and I still struggle with all the JW bullshit that was shoved down my throat as a kid. Just remember you're not alone in your feelings a lot of us here on the forum know exactly how you feel.

Unload anytime here and welcome to the forum.

Black Sheep

There is no need to apologise here Miss Peaches .....yes, I am having a great weekend looking after my heathen neighbour's kids. I took them to stockcars tonight

I never seemed to manage to interact with people successfully

I don't think that is rare among us 'born in' victims.

I have trouble in that department too and am very jealous of my neighbour's ability to make new friends quickly and easily. His kids are the same. I am trying to learn from his example.

Time will heal, but we do need to put in some effort to speed things up. Hang out with people who have no problems with others and watch what they do. It can be very educational.

Have a nice weekend

Chris

hubert

Welcome to the forum, Misspeaches.

I am not in the same situation as you are. I only have a daughter that is involved with the j.w.'s, and I can't even handle that, sometimes. Your situation is much worse than mine, but you'll find that many people here in the forum have similar situations as you, and many have worse ones, also. I don't know how I'd handle it myself, but at least you have an understanding boyfriend that is sticking by you, and you are fortunate to have him there for you. Hang onto him, and let him be your strength.

There are lots of people here that can give you good advice, so stick around and read, and enjoy the friendly and compassionate people here.

So, go out with your boyfriend this weekend, and have a great time. Put your problems out of your mind for a while, and come back to them later, when you can cope withh them more.

You have a great weekend, also.

Hubert

Nancy Drake

And I am trying to get over all my social oddities. Only 6 months ago my boss hauled me into the office to tell me I have no idea how to deal with people. She told me I needed professional help to see how normal people interact. I tend to be very reactionary, a self defence mechnaism I developed over the years.

That is so sad that this happened to you. Something similar happened to me when I left the jdubs and at the time I felt it was the end of the world. I really had no idea how to act like a "normal" person, whatever that is. I always think that people are constantly judging my every move. In the past I would try to avoid situations where I have to interract with people, but over the years I've forced myself to because I know it's having a negative influence on my son..

It gets better over time, at least for me it did. I'm not depressed all the time, like I used to be, but I did lose my parents in the process of leaving and it still makes me pretty sad sometimes.

You will find such wonderful people who support you on this forum. It's nice to have a base of people who understand you. WELCOME!!

Dragonlady76

Miss Peaches,

Believe me I know how you feel. You are not alone, there are many on this forum with similar expiriences. Drop into chat sometime.

Dragonlady76

JustTickledPink

It takes a lot of courage to take the first step. I'm glad you're at least aware of what an effect they had on you. I too was raised by a single JW mother, my father wasn't in the picture at all. But that made us outcasts even though we did everything we possibly could. It's so difficult trying to gain acceptance from them.

Couseling really helped me. You might want to think about it, but for sure having good friends makes such a huge difference. Good for you!

Stick around, you'll see you're not a lone at all.

Taylor S.

Welcome Miss Peaches ...

and unload all you want, we all do. it's nice to have a place where you can do that and people actually understand. only recently have i come to understand my own self-diagnosed Social Anxiety Disorder ... has its roots in my dubbish upbringing. As an adult I considered Paxil, and every other mood-enhancing drug they began to hawk on TV. I always thought, 'That's me. I'm that sad ball with no bounce.'

but as a kid, i already had good reasons for kids to pick on me

... i got perfect grades so i was labeled professor, was the shortest kid in school, sucked at all sports, wore nerdish clothes .... throw in the 'sit for the flag salute thing' and the one time I was stupid enough to announce 'you're all gonna be destroyed!' ... and you can see i was no social butterfly .

as i got older, i found myself running from people i wanted to connect with. i don't know why, it's still a daily battle. sometimes i lose ... and just stay in and close the blinds. everyone know i'm a loner.

point of all that, Peaches, you ain't alone. that Org only churns out screwed up people.

Welcome again ...........

Mamacat

(((Miss Peaches)))

I was in the same situation. My dad was not a witness, but my mom was/is. We weren't invited to anything. My babysitter was another JW, and she had a whole scrapbook of pictures from get-togethers where all the other kids from the KH were there. I felt so sad when I saw that.

I have a really hard time relating to people, and I never felt normal. I've been making friends lately, and it does get easier. Especially since I don't believe they are all going to die at A. No one should grow up thinking that about their peers!

Please hang in there and feel free to vent anytime!

Sobeit

Wisdom comes from experience--and as the years past, you will see how wise you are. And with this wisdom comes strength which will attact others. Not relying on others to tell you what to think or judging yourself by the opinion of others. but listening and observing, you will find what a wonderful working brain you have. Being well read is a good start for growth.

Apologize if this sounds preaching, but over many years, this is what has helped me.

Remembering growing up as a JDub hurts...

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