Mom said we would still be family regardless of my decision

M@el5trom

First, a little background. I lurk here from time to time, generally if I am feeling down or having trouble with something re: JWs. I have not been to a meeting for over a year now, and neither has my wife. We get the normal "we'd love to see you" visits from a couple of elders and my parents.

I have not said anything about not wanting to go or how I feel about JWs (I don't hate them, but also don't believe everything they push either) to them or the elders. Didn't want the discussion that would ensue.

Well, we (my wife and I) decided to go to memorial tonight (it was a tough decision, believe me.) As we were making our way to the door after memorial (pretty much right after it was over) my mom came up to say goodbye. She didn't really ask about what I have been thinking by not going to the meetings, but she said to remember that we are family, and no matter what decision I made (she didn't specify, but it was obvious what she was talking about), that we would still be family and they would not cut off contact. She also asked if we were upset or mad at her/my dad, and I assured her we weren't. This is probably cause we haven't spent much time with them since pulling away.

I think this might stem from a conversation were my dad asked if there was anything I wanted to talk about in regards to JWs, and instead of my normal brushoff and saying that we were trying, I just said it wasn't something I was ready to talk about yet.

I have also mentioned to my grandparents (Dads parents, who have never been JWs)that my wife and I weren't attending meetings and that if they wanted to invite us for family things like Thanksgiving and other normal "No thank you" events, we would be receptive. They did invite us for Thanksgiving and Christmas - we went to Thanksgiving. I'm sure that got back to my parents as well, but I'm not sure exactly what was said.

My parents became JWs when I was 1 year old, so I was raised a JW all my life - I'm nearing 30 now. My wife was raised Lutheran, but her parents and her became JWs when she was in her teens. We are both doing this together, but it is much easier for her (I believe) due to the fact she has attended other churches and such before.

Anyways, I felt I needed to post this and get it out there. My parents are supportive, but it is comforting to know that they won't necessarily shun me for the decisions I have to make. This has been weighing hevily on me, so it is a little relief.

Sorry for rambling

Mael

cruzanheart

Don't be sorry! Goodness, we ALL understand how you're feeling. We've been where you are. Some of us are still there.

I was raised "in the truth" and left when I was 46, after pioneering for 13 years, marrying a ministerial servant -- the whole nine yards. I'm going to be 50 in December, and I feel like a new person, like I'm starting the second half of my life (yes, I fully intend to live to be 100, God and the crosstown bus willing) with fireworks and a parade! It's wonderful!

If I haven't said it before, WELCOME to the board! This place helped me enormously when I was just taking baby steps away from the Witnesses, and it still helps.

Hugs,

Nina

Purza

but she said to remember that we are family, and no matter what decision I made (she didn't specify, but it was obvious what she was talking about), that we would still be family and they would not cut off contact.

Welcome Mael! Just that fact that your family will still be there for you is wonderful. So many of us leave JWs and our families leave us because of it (speaking from experience here). I hope the fact that your family will still be there will make it just a bit easier for you to leave the religion.

Best of luck.

Purza

Spook

Lucky you! I'm DA'ng on moral grounds. Nobody has done anything against me in the org. I'm worried my Dad might have *another* nervous breakdown!

ButtLight

Sorry to put a damper on ya, but if she said she would not cut off contact, that doesnt mean she will treat you the same. Some family members never treat their family different no matter what. A few of mine dont. But others......... whoh. Cutting you off, and shunning you are two different things. I dont know what your mom is like, so I cant say she would do this, but be prepared, just for your own sake. I was, and glad of it, cause boy it smarts!

love11

I'm happy for you that she said that. Hopefully it wasn't a fluke thing and that she really meant all that you are putting into it.

It's great that you left together and I'm sure you will be each others strength in the years to come.

Best Wishes- love11

JW83

Welcome to the board too, and hugs for you & your wife!

My dad said something like that to me, but reneged on it later & shunned me for a few months. Of course, now he is no longer a Witness now, but still -

Good luck!

alw

it would seem that my wife and i are in a similiar situation to you as regards the length of time,11 months for us not attending meets,we however have had no visits from elders, but about 3 jws have visited us to enquire of our circumstances.

these men told us not to have anything to do with our granddaughter (1 yr )as our daughter had das herself 4 years previous, they ASSUMED we had been socialising with her, which at that time we had not, hence they took my privs in the cong .

after 22 years in this org. i did learn that the god of the bible and his son j.c. were supposed to be loving, forgiving,and beyond all mens petty traits, we did not go to mem. as we dont believe jesus is leading these types of men,and we had no guilt feelings at all.

i do hope your mum sticks to her comments to you that regardless of your decissions she will still be there for you, but be aware that the org. will not put up with it.

once i thought i would never abandon my children under any circumstances, however for a while i was pressured into shunning my own daughter, for which i dont ever believe i will forgive myself entirely.i have since learnt that this practice is not scriptural.

i wish you luck in your decision making. mr.alw

clementine

i'm really happy for you that your mother said you would still be a family wathever you choose to do... that's really great!!

one point for her and your family!!

(and i don't think i've welomed you so... welcome to the board!!)

Effervescent

This is just pure speculation but I have to wonder if your parents are harboring some doubts of their own? Between what your mother said and your father asking if there was anything you wanted to talk about it makes me suspicious.

Have you ever gotten that feeling from them?

Not that I think you should come out and ask... In the interest of keeping things smooth I think you're on the right track. And If they do have doubts it'll come out in the wash eventually anyways.

Mom said we would still be family regardless of my decision

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